Tag: Big Agnes

  • FasterSkier’s 12 Days of FBD Christmas: Day 6

    FasterSkier’s 12 Days of FBD Christmas: Day 6

    Editor’s note: For the second-straight year, we’re presenting another 12-day holiday gift guide, brought to you by the one and only “FBD”, our gear-review guru. Kicking the series off, recommendations for recovery gifts to keep you and your ski buddies on the trails and injury free. See also: Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4| Day 5

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    Day 6: Kick-Ass Gear 

    There is gear and then there is kick-ass gear. You know what I’m talking about — that backpack that you got in college, have taken all over the world, and is still going strong? Those skis that always seem to do well in testing despite getting “a little long in the tooth.” Your lucky “windies,” the wind briefs that have help guide you to many a race win? The list goes on and on. Part of what elevates gear to this elite status is literally years of high performance and reliability, but hey, ya gotta to start somewhere, so in today’s installment of this seemingly pointless, rambling series, I am highlighting some of my personal favorites that I think have the potential to “go the distance” and end up on the coveted FBD all-star gear list.

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    Under $30 

    While some of you lesser-informed readers may have pigeon-holed me (and please NOT in the Urban Dictionary fashion, as it is hard enough keeping my car clean as it is) as a high-maintenance, metrosexual pretty boy who wouldn’t dirty his hands with anything that’s not carbonfibre (yes, the snobby, arrogant Euro spelling is by design), made in Europe (preferably Switzerland for watches, Germany for cars and France for skis), or only available through my Skull-and-Bones-style network of elite illuminati, and quite frankly, in most instances you would be correct. What can I say, I like nice stuff.

    But, did you know that there is also a hard-scrabble, man-of-the-people, street-smart side of FBD, capable of living for weeks at a time in a secluded cabin in remote Montana, living off the land, with only his acerbic wit and quick thinking to keep him alive? It’s true. This wily veteran of minimalist living can survive for minutes or perhaps even hours without concierge service, Whole Foods and his own private ski technician (well, maybe days in the case of the latter example, as my lanky ass was getting in “mad k’s,” as the kids say. For the uninformed, I’m not talking about losing your temper in K-Mart, I’m referring to skiing long distances in many consecutive sessions. Don’t worry, this confused me for the first few years that I heard it too.)

    Sewing Awl

    Speedy Stitcher Sewing Awl Kit: FBD pick for under $29

    So with these caveats and conditions duly noted, it is with great pleasure that I offer today’s first suggestion, a sewing awl. No not an awl, as it, Awwww….SNAP, though that would be funny, (albeit hard to sell), no, rather an awl, as in a very utilitarian, gear-repair, ass-saving, sewing tool.

    There is nothing fancy about the Speedy Stitcher sewing awl, but it is a life saver, certainly figuratively and perhaps even literally. While it is basically just a heavy gauge sewing needle, handle and thread, it is extremely well-designed, very heavy duty and very portable. If you are smart enough to bring it with you, it can tackle breakage problems that if not resolved, could be inconvenient in the best case and disastrous in the worst.

    For example, I have used it to repair hiking boots way, way, way out in the middle of nowhere, a biathlon harness at 11 p.m. the night before a race in Granby, Colorado, a hard-case bike box strap that would have otherwise required replacing the entire case to the tune of $500, and a tent sidewall that my idiot friend kicked apart with his crampons after we SPECIFICALLY told him to not wear his crampons past the tent atrium? Why? Because kicking a hole in your tent in the middle of winter can have disastrous consequences, because it is cold in the mountains in the winter. (Why is it that every crew always has that stupid friend? Psychologists out there, please look into this and report back). And this is only a partial list.

    Why is it that every adventure, team, or road trip always has “this guy?”

    This amazing tool has been around since 1909 (with packaging that looks like it hasn’t changed since that time) and it can fix essentially any soft good, or in the very least give you a fighting chance of limping home. In some cases, in particular once you get good at sewing (and no, I’m not joking here), your field repair can last for years. I’ve been going strong on the bike-box strap repair that I made six years ago, with no end in sight. For this to apply to you though, take the time to read the instructions and properly learn how to sew.

    I’m not kidding. It completely defeats the purpose of bringing this tool along (or any tool, for that matter), if you don’t know how to use it correctly. In fact, doing this make you an even bigger tool. So, with that said, buy it, learn how to use it, practice with it, and you’ll be amazed at how often it comes in handy. Seriously. I’ve probably make 2 – 5 repairs per year for the past 15 years on stuff that would otherwise have been ruined: winter gear, summer gear, dog gear, automotive gear, clothes, you name it. I absolutely love this thing.

    $21.99 at Ace (the place with the helpful hardware man (sexist bastards))

     

    Protect Our Winters Donation

    Protect Our Winters donation: FBD pick for any amount

     

    This was on the list last year, it is in the list this year, and it will be on the list every year until the day I die, completely go off the deep end or am fired by FasterSkier in a blaze of glory (all of which could literally be moments away). This item is “a lock” on the list for the simple reason that it is an incredible cause. Yes, there are lots of great causes out there, nonprofits that benefit biomedical research, a wide variety of social programs, and even broader environmental concerns, but this is a ski publication, so while I certainly don’t want you to give any less to any of those other, very worthy issues, hopefully you can find it in your heart and your pocketbook to also support Protect Our Winters. You all know why, so no need to soapbox it any further here.

    Do the right thing for as much as you can afford to give.

    Or give it as a gift in the name of someone to stupid or stubborn to admit that climate change is a massive, massive problem. You know who you are.

    Donate any amount on ProtectOurWinters.org

     

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    $30 – $100

    Portable Coffee Grinder

    Porlex Mini Stainless Steel Coffee Grinder: FBD pick for $30-$100

    Ah, coffee, the elixir of the gods. None of these columns would even be remotely possible without caffeine and I know I’m not alone here. Some of you might think that the absence of these columns might be a good thing, but deep down you know that you secretly love each and every one of these carefully chosen words.

    In addition to this miracle compound of caffeine helping to lessen my urges to kill every moron who can’t seem to grasp the RIDICULOUSLY SIMPLE process of loading and unloading an airplane, it also has documented ergogenic properties. Chances are you will ski longer, harder and faster with the pre-rip Peet’s infusion. But wait, there’s more —  it’s a great gateway for actually interacting with real, live humans in person (as opposed to over your phone) for the socially awkward, which in the nordic community, is just about all of you.

    So if the thought of asking out a an actual, living, breathing female (not an avatar, emoji or whatever other weird digital analog the kids today have for real girls) to dinner immediately triggers your Cliff Clavin “hysterical blindness,” easing into a potential sexual encounter with the vastly less threatening offer to sit with a girl for 20 minutes at 3 in the afternoon on a Tuesday in an alcove by the cash registers at the grocery store may be for you.

    Be forewarned however, the lure of faster race splits and perhaps even the tacit acknowledgements of an attractive member of the opposite sex is a bit risky, as once you “take a ride on the brown pony,” (there’s nothing sexual in this one, so get your mind out of the gutter, you perverts), there’s no going back. I’m talking about having a cup of coffee before you go skiing, as opposed to a life of heroin addiction. Regardless, all of you will want and some of you will NEED coffee in the morning. Driving to Starbucks each day is for housewives in Mercedes SUVs in affluent suburbs, so man-up (or “woman-up”) and make your own coffee.

    As you all know, no one is lazier than the FBD, so I have the most streamlined and efficient coffee-preparation operation known to man. It is configured and mostly completed the night before, so when the morning rolls around, I’m on my way to coffee-pound town (again, nothing sexual here, you monsters, but probably best if you don’t Google this one) in a matter of minutes, if not seconds. Sure, my coffee machine in Steamboat has slain many the accomplished skier, but guys like Jeremy Teela gained notoriety from their skiing, not their deductive reasoning skills. And no, Teela never did figure out how to correctly operate that machine, whereas I, on the other hand, was victoriously sipping from an expresso at his house within seconds after exposure to his substantially more complicated machine. Hold that though. More on this later.

    For whatever reason, probably because I enjoy spending time with interesting people, I somehow seem to gravitate to “coffee snobs.” Don’t get me wrong, they’re all great people, but without fail, almost all of them are willing to invest 2 – 3 hours each morning for the perfect cup of Joe. I, on the other hand, have no problem stopping at the gas station, if necessary, for my morning beverage of choice. That, and a nice cold glass of water, ah, that’s some fine living, people.

    Case in point, my good buddy Jordan Rapp. Jordan is a professional triathlete: six-time Ironman winner, ITU long-distance world champion, and one of the most driven, determined baristas that I have ever met. In our travels across Europe this past summer, he brought approximately 500 lbs of gear, 450 of which I am convinced was involved in coffee preparation in some way, shape or form.

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining here, far from it, as I love this situation — he does all of the work and I get to drink great coffee. Everyone wins. All of I have to do is carry 3/4 of all of his heavy crap through all of the train stations. Since FBD is a big, powerful, man, this seems like a fair trade.

    So how does Princeton-educated engineer, Mr. Rapp, start this ridiculously involved and intricate process? With the Porlex Mini bean grinder. I’m not even going to bother to go into the theory on why you need to grind your own beans, because you’re either in this camp or you’re not. If you’re, “one of THOSE people,” you’ve already drank the Kool-Aid and you’re only going to get mad at me because no matter how thorough my explanation, I will undoubtedly leave out some key detail that you perceive to be crucial in this analysis. And if you’re on the other side of the fence, we’ll call this group, oh, I don’t know, “normal people,” well then you’re not going to start grinding your own beans simply based on some long-winded diatribe (in particular one from a smart-aleck nordic skier). For all of you people, MY people, I’ll see you at the gas station. Please try to not backwash the dirty carafe of two-day old muck that they call coffee, either, as I have intervals later and DADDY NEEDS SOME JUICE and I hate germs.

    Back to the nerd group: whatever formidable childhood experience that fostered your now firmly cemented coffee OCD, you’d sooner die than prepare coffee with pre-ground beans, but you’re in Norway, preparing to race: now what? Are you sentenced to a life of eternal damnation with pre-ground beans? Not so fast, it’s J-Rapp to the rescue. JR doesn’t leave home without not just a portable coffee grinder, but also what he is convinced is THE BEST portable coffee grinder, the Porlex Mini. I have to confess, it did work well and the coffee was delicious, and he’s not alone, for as he was extolling the virtues of this system in an extremely long-winded soliloquy, being a fellow scientist, he naturally also had reams of research and supporting data, not to mention social feeds from two different World Cup racers also using the very same grinder, so as much as I hate to admit it, Jordan’s probably correct.

    Here’s the best part, though. When I hit up Jordan to see if he’d make a funny video for me about using the grinder, he sent one back in 30 seconds. Not because he’s that fast at making videos (which he often is), but due to the fact that he had already made one. You know you are really committed to your coffee preparation when you are walking around with a video of you making coffee on your phone. Man, I love that dude.

    https://vimeo.com/188432750

    I personally would have liked to see more footage of my boy JR, just because he’s a super smart and funny dude, but mainly because he believes that my Great Dane is his spirit animal, which makes me laugh every time of think of it. Please note, too, he measures his coffee on a digital scale, a goddamn DIGITAL SCALE. You can’t make this shit up.

    For extensive reviews and much, much, more, you’re going to want to check out www.grindr.com, you’ll learn more about “grinding” than you ever thought possible.

    $65 on Amazon

     

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    $100 – $300

    Face Shield

    Casco flip-up visor: FBD pick for $100-$299

    Just as in the dog-eat-dog world of coffee preparation, there are two schools of thought for nordic eye protection: shades and shields. Most Nordorks would probably say that shades look cooler – there certainly are many more styles to choose from, but ask any athlete who’s had a race on a very snowy, rainy, or foggy day — in these conditions you simply cannot beat a shield.

    The shield is often the weapon of choice for biathletes in all conditions, too, as it is substantially easier to flip up and out of the way for shooing. If you’re a biathlete, you’ve probably already figured that out by now, but maybe you suck and you haven’t, or you simply are fine with growing roots on the mat. Either scenario is fine by me: it’s your funeral.

    Regardless if your nordic racing and training involves skiing around with a rifle or the vastly easier non-rifle version (I can’t recall if they have a name for this), you’ll want a shield if it is sloppy out — shields come in a bunch of different tints, sizes, styles and colors and most importantly, fog way less easily. My boy, and former U.S. Birkie winner Matt Liebsch (or “Leaper,” as he likes to be called), swears by the shield, as does the first family of U.S. Masters Biathlon, Marc, SJ and Thor Sheppard.

    The family that can see what they are shooting, stays together, or something like that. Multiple World Masters medal winners (from left to right) Marc, Thor and SJ Sheppard rocking the shield — (I know, this sounds like a bad 70’s cop show, but trust me on this one).

    Visors starting at $119 at Altius Handcrafted Firearms

     

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    Over $300

    Winter sleeping bag

    Big Agnes sleeping bag: FBD pick for over $300

    Another reason why this day is another one of my favorite days (this column, not Friday), is I love being unshackled and let loose completely unrestrained. Even I can only write so much about base layers, wax, and gloves, but give me longer enough lever arm, a place to stand, and a green light to opine about all sorts of gear, and I will move the world. Or annoy it. It really could go either way. There point here is that there is a lot of other great gear out there that you need to hear about – somebody needs to put their foot down and that foot is me.

    I get around (no, not in that manner you might be thinking, as most of the members of the fairer sex seem to find me repulsive). I “get around” in the sense that I both host and am hosted my many members of the nordic community. I love “paying it forward,” as I did more than my fair share of couch surfing in my elite rowing days and it is my pleasure to do my best to somehow attempt to replenish the karmic pool of good will.

    With the exception of my good buddy Aaron Scott, (or A-A-Ron, as he is known around the biathlon range), who has earned the wonderful moniker as “America’s Guest,” due to his propensity for frequent and last-minute homestays, I crash in enough homes to rival Dr. Scott in my volume and frequency of spare bedroom time (though my track record of alienating my friends’ significant others is unmatched. Yes, my ability to agitate even the nicest people truly is a gift. I’m like the Michael Jordan of annoying house guests. And that’s even without the Great Dane. He takes that game to a whole new level. Together, we are a juggernaut. But after all, isn’t what life is all about, teamwork?)

    I may have left a few dishes in the sink “back in the day” in my period of elite athletics, blissful unemployment, and lack of any permanent mailing address, but I am regaining good karma points at light speed with the U.S. Nordic Combined crew at my house right now.

    The point to all of this is that in planning my early season racing calendar for this year, I was inquiring about the availability of my trusty post-West Yellowstone Ski Festival spare bed at my buddy’s house in Bozeman. Being perhaps one of the nicest people I know (and crackerjack smoothie chef), KJ immediate agreed and even offered to serve up perennial favorite FBD post-race meal of tacos, with the caveat that the house would be empty on my arrival, as the whole Jacobsen family was going camping.

    This got me thinking (something I generally do my best to avoid, as is painfully evident by my generally very labored prose), that the nordic community does much more than just nordic ski. Almost every nordic skier I know also loves to go out and hit the alpine slopes, camp, hike, hunt, fish, bike, run, you name it. Probably one of the things that I enjoy most about my line of “work” (and yes, yes, I’m using this term very loosely, as I what I do can barely be considered work), is the camaraderie of the nordic community. This is a community that enjoys the great out-of-doors in many different capacities (better get out there fast too, as Trump is try to giving it all away to oil, gas and mining companies unless we ALL do something).

    Sure, we all nordic ski, but the very nature of this sport seems to attract those that also just love being outside and doing cool stuff. So, if you’re outside all day doing cool stuff, you’re not going to last for very long if you’re not getting good sleep, which brings me to the issue at hand — winter sleeping bags.

    I told you earlier we’d get back to busting on Jeremy Teela, and I would never let you down on a topic as important as this. Jeremy Teela is a three-time Olympic biathlete and up until Lowell Bailey’s very strong eighth place in Sochi, Teela had the top all-time Olympic finish of any U.S. biathlete. Teela is a great dude and a great friend, but well, he has some issues. For example, when you have breakfast his house and request coffee with cream and sugar, his reply is, “Ah, you want the full b*tch kit.” I made this “mistake” (insomuch as asking for cream and sugar in coffee can be considered a mistake) years ago and I’ve yet to live this down. I bring this up now because when I asked Big Agnes to send a winter sleeping bag for testing, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that I received the “full b*tch kit”: bag, pad, pillow, and magical inflation device.

    “Full b*tch kit” being prepared for testing. And no, this photo was not staged, this is really how I live. Perhaps it is not just Teela who has issues.

    The bag that the fine folks at Big Agnes sent was amazing in every way: light, warm, compressible and even when it’s wet (more on this later). It wasn’t just that bag that impressed me either, it was also all of the accoutrements.

    Since contrary to what you may have heard or read, I am an AMAZING house guest, KJ and his lovely wife were very interested in all of the gear that I was reviewing for this year’s wonderful and what appears to be endless journey. She is from Alaska and he’s a touch Montana boy from way, back, so they are no strangers to hunting, fishing and winter camping in even the nastiest of conditions, so when I said that the Big Agnes (BA) bag was one of my favorites out of more than 200 pieces of gear that I reviewed for this series (Yup, you read that correctly, 200+, you’re welcome), not only were they intrigued, but they also offered up their own, unsolicited story about Big Agnes.

    Apparently they had two sleeping pads that gave up the ghost when they were traveling around Europe last summer, and despite the fact that they had owned them for years and they had logged lots of miles, they said BA replaced them with brand-new versions, no questions asked. KJ and Robin were incredibly impressed, as was I.

    I start testing products several months or even several years in advance, because I am a very, very lonely man, but also because I want to be thorough. Gear is expensive and due to the shifting and declining revenues for periodicals of all types, genuine, unbiased reviews are going the way of intelligence and civility in politics and our beloved snowpack — vanishing.

    It is for this reason that despite my many wisecracks, I really do take this job seriously, as I consider myself the Obi Wan Kenobi of gear review. That’s right people, I am your only hope.

    “Hurry Captain, shoot down whoever you need to, FBD needs CHEESE.”

    Given the very nature of my role, however, one of the components of the overall process for which I always wish I had more insight is customer service. Since I am now a VERY big deal, almost all of the companies roll out the red carpet for me. Don’t get me wrong, I like getting my ass kissed as much (or probably more) as the next guy, but one downside of this VIP treatment is that I sometimes wonder if I don’t see what the average customers sees. If I have a problem, a fleeting of matching black Cobra attack helicopters immediately airdrops a new version of the product in question to my door, completely with a courtesy basket full of bonbons and an exotic assortment of artisan meats and cheeses. Exactly as it should be, too, btw, so keep those biking-clad heli pilots bearing gifts coming, that frickin’ cabin in Montana is cold and lonely and the freakin’ crappy grocery store is miles away, which gets old, fast, when you’re on foot patrol for three weeks. My point, however, is that it is extremely encouraging to hear unbiassed, objective feedback from “real people” who don’t have any skin in the game, other than the fact that they want to keep their skin. When people I know and trust tell me that customer service from a company is commendable, that absolutely merits me passing it along.

    As for the bag itself, it also kicked ass. It was very comfortable in relatively cold Montana weather (low of minus 4), as well as VERY damp, nasty, typical East Coast winter weather (15 degrees, with about 200 percent humidity) and in the slightly more moderate, but very dry Colorado weather (a crisp 20 degrees). That is only part of the story, however, as while bag performance is key, part of what made the bag perform so well were its accessories.

    For starters, the bag has a sleeve on the bottom that holds the sleeping pad in place perfectly. While this sounds minor, I can assure you that rolling off your sleeping pad onto the cold tent floor is a deal-breaker, so this innovation is ground-breaking, er, ground-warming, er, keeping-your-bag-off-the-ground-ing-which-makes-it-warmer-ing?

    All the components of a Big Agnes System Sleeping Bag

    Other clever touches are their combo dry bag/sleeping pad inflator, which allows those with meager lung capacity (like Smullin) to inflate the pad and pillow by merely waving around the bag to fill it with air, then squeezing the air into the pad and/or pillow. Sure, Josh’s bird-arms will likely give out quickly waving around a six-ounce bag, but with ample sets, combined with frequents and extensive rest periods, I am confident that even he could eventually accomplish this very simply task. For all of you in the studio audience that can curl anything more than 5 lbs two times, you’ll have this done in under a minute and will be fresh as a daisy to start grinding me coffee.

    As much as I love Big Agnes, I feel duty bound to advise again their two-person bag, though, as while this might sound great idea for newlyweds or passionate young couples who haven’t grown to despise the sight of each other yet, word on the street is that this bag has been coined, “the relationship ender.” You’ve been warned.

    Where relationships go to die.

     

     

    Starting at $189.95 at Big Agnes

     

    OPEN Gravel Bike

    OPEN U.P. gravel bike: FBD pick for over $300

     

    In another, alternate universe, I create thoughtfully crafted, considerate, caring gear reviews for our colleagues across the aisle in the endurance sports community: triathletes.

    I am of course kidding, as I harbor even more spite and resentment for this group of Type A nerds than I do for the nordic community, which is saying something. If there was one group of individuals more afraid of women, germs, and overall more adverse to following social norms and acceptable public behavior (all of you wearing your Speedos or bike kit in the grocery store have a place waiting for you in hell), it’s these guys. Spend even one hour in Kona in the week before the IM World Champs and you’ll immediately see my point.

    The upside of being forced to deal with these kooks is that I get to test a lot of cool bikes, which is what we’re talking about now.

    Bikes? In a FS gear review? What gives, FBD? Stick with me on this — my thinking here is that  inherent in any nordic skier’s life is summer training, something that thanks to years of poor leadership and vision, combined with the current abysmal leadership and vision, is quickly turning into a major component of our year.

    One can’t help but wonder if we are ever going to be able to undo the damage that we’ve already done to our planet and if reliable snowpack won’t be changed or perhaps even lost forever. The sad reality here is that our summer season is getting longer and our winter season is getting shorter. Hopefully everyone out there will get involved and demand change (remember, you get the government that you deserve) and we can at least stop any further damage. Regardless, the hard, cold truth (well, now moderate temperature truth), is that longer summers and shorter winters are here to stay. This all means more time on the bike.

    One of my pet projects (as opposed to just one of my many pets) this past summer was testing gravel bikes. I’m not gonna lie, I entered this project with a healthy dose of skepticism, as this kinda seemed like one of the notorious bike industry “flavors of the month.” Given that fact that it is increasingly difficult to improve on the already extremely efficient design of the bicycle, this industry constantly grapples with ways to increase sales and drive demand. More often than not, these efforts are somewhat meaningless. So with this beautiful bias firmly cemented in my mind, I set out to test some gravel bikes. And they were awesome.

    Taking the Open Upper out for a rip with the crew from Lupine lights. More on the latter shortly.

    At the top of the heap (bike joke for all of you losers who don’t have the silky smooth bike handling skillz of the FBD), is a wonderful whip from a (kinda) new kid on the block, OPEN Cycle. Open was started by the big guys behind Cervelo, Gerard Vroomen and Andy Kessler. Their extensive experience and success in the bike industry was immediately evident as this bike is incredible. I had the good fortune to put it through its paces on all sorts of trails, road, and paths, and I struggle to find anything critical to write — this is really saying something, too, as I am one of those people with the gift of being able to find something critical to say about EVERYTHING.

    The bike is light, responsive and incredible versatile. You can outfit it with slicks for road riding, 32’s for cross racing, 40’s for mixed gravel/single track cruising, or even go with full-blown mountain wheels if you are primarily riding dirt.

    This fine steed made the cut for this column for many reasons, but in particular due to its versatility. The strength coach at the Steamboat Springs Winter Sports Club is an avid rider, a fat bike World Masters Champion and just an all-around speedy dude. He has an Open and he told me that due to its versatility, he has narrowed his fleet to just a few bikes, as he can easily swap wheels on the Open and have a perfect bike for almost any type of riding.

    Being far more civilized than he and his barbaric attitude to thin the FBD bike herd, I have adopted the “if some is good, more is better,” truism that applies to all elements of endurance athletics, and have therefore chosen to get this bike, and all of the wheels, and keep all of my other bikes. Ha! Suck it, garage space.

    Before any of you haters out there write in to criticism this strategy, let me preemptively explain what I like to call, the “FBD sailboat defense.” Being the key, influential member of the littératie that I am, I am often called upon to hobnob with my fellow cultural elites in places like Camelot, Kennebunkport and Cannes, so spending time on luxury watercraft it old hat to this cat. As most of you know, the purchase price and upkeep of any sort of boat is astronomical and absurd, so any time there is even the most subtle suggestion by any member of the FBD inner circle that I am wasting my money on all of these ridiculous and seemingly redundant (or is it superfluous, I REALLY NEED TO FACT CHECK MY WORK) bicycles, I immediate launch into the FBD sailboat defense, which goes something like this: “Would you rather I had a sailboat? Huh? Would you? That costs WAY more and is way worse for my health. Look how fit I am. Do you want me to have a heart attack? Is that it? Why would you wish that upon me, when I love you so much?” I do this all at an ever-increasing volume, then run to my room in tears and lock the door, barricading myself in with my fancy coffee grinder until everyone gives in and I get to buy my new saddle, or tyres, or whatever piece of gear upon which I have obsessed on that given day. Criticism me all you want, but that sh*t works. So go treat yourself to a new gravel bike, after all, who deserves it more than you do? (Well, me, but I already have one, so you’re up next.)

    $4,500 (frame only) at OPEN Cycle

     

    Special Edition Gold Biathlon Rifle

    Fully functional Anschutz Fortner biathlon rifle: gold-plated and one of a kind. Given to Antje Misersky-Harvey by J.G. Anschütz GmbH (the world’s leading manufacture of biathlon rifles) in recognition of her gold medal in the women’s individual at the 1992 Albertville Olympic Games.

    I’m going to finish this very special column with a very special story (and no, not that kind of “special” — this is actually an incredible account of perseverance, courage and strength)

    Without a doubt, the United States is a great country. Having said that, it always annoys me when pandering politicians and nut-job, right-wing pundits go for the lowest common denominator and claim it to be “the greatest county in the entire world,” as there are lots of great places and people out there in the world, so to simply unilaterally and without fact claim us to be No. 1 across the board in all categories is inaccurate and arrogant (look no further than our global rankings for gun violence, health care, education, quality of living, and self-assessment of happiness, just to name a few). That notwithstanding, the US is most certainly a great place, as this remarkable series of events illustrates.

    As noted in Wednesday’s masterpiece, like so many good stories, I was “just skiing along,” well, in this case, uh, “just standing along (does that even make sense?) in Altius Handcrafted Firearms in West Yellowstone, Montana, the nation’s premier biathlon shop, when in walked Ian and Antje Harvey with a biathlon rifle for consignment. The rifle is gold-plated and an amazing piece, but this rifle itself was just the tip of the iceberg, as the accompanying back-story is nothing short of incredible.

    Antje Misersky-Harvey’s gold-plated Anschutz Fortner biathlon rifle.

    One of the many intriguing aspects of the story of the history of the rifle is that a doping controversy is at its core, making it perhaps more prescient than now than ever before, in particular given everything currently happening on this front.

    This full story was published in Masters Skier and Cross Country Skier magazines several years ago, but sadly I was unable to find any versions online. With full respect and attribution to the fact that this was published previously, I will present a short summary, but I do encourage everyone to try to find the complete versions of these accounts, as they are simply amazing. In essence, this is a tale about overcoming long odds, stifling authoritarian government regimes and the strong moral authority to do the right thing.

    Antje Misersky-Harvey grew up in East Germany in the 1970s and 1980s. A rising star in cross-country, she found herself in an extremely difficult and dangerous situation when she refused to acquiesce to pressure from the East German government to take performance enhancing drugs. Rather than administer what she believed to be dangerous, illegal and immoral chemicals, she instead opted to quit skiing. Just before the 1992 Olympic Games, however, East Germany was building a women’s biathlon squad for the first time, as 1992 was the first WOG to feature this discipline. Scrambling to build a team powerful enough to take on the strong West Germans, she was allowed to join without being forced to dope.

    Antje Misersky (now Harvey) was awarded a gold-plated Anschutz Fortner biathlon rifle for her gold medal at the 1992 Olympics.

    Fast-forward to the Games themselves, where she went on to win a gold medal. The story gets even more incredible here though, as this was just after the fall of the Berlin wall, so the now, greatly liberated German media was very anxious to hear her incredible and harrowing story. Not surprisingly, officials from the former East Germany were much less excited about these details getting out, so she and her family received numerous death threats. Given the very recent change in the political structure and the enormous, far-reaching power in the previous governments, these were threats that could not be taken lightly. Being a person of great courage, conviction and character, however, she went on TV for a full, one-hour interview exposé and was one of the first athletes to have a very vocal and outspoken role in the anti-doping crusade.

    In appreciation of her gold medal, bravery and strong, moral conviction, Anschutz, the manufacture of the rifle she used to win her one gold and three silver Olympic medals, presented her with an extremely unique and stunning gold-plated rifle. Not only is this extremely rare, but the story behind it is nothing short of incredible as well. And this rifle is now for sale.

    $8,995 at Altius Handcrafted Firearms

    One of the things that I’ve learned in my few trips around the block is that it is very easy to fall in to “the grass is always greener” trap. Sure, our national team athletes (not to mention our development team and junior team athletes) may not have everything that their European counterparts do, but was Lowell Bailey’s father ever issued death threats by the US government? Given that fact that I highly doubt that Trump could even spell ‘biathlon,’ this seems quite unlikely. Yes, Noah Hoffman is currently paying for his wax tech and I think we all wish that this wasn’t the case, but has he ever been so knocked over by government officials as he approached the finish line, therein preventing a win, due to his political views? Have any of our female athletes been pressured into pregnancies (to later be terminated prior to competition), in order to get a more advantageous hormone profile? No. Never. Yet these are things that happened (and sadly, appear to still be happening in some places) at the behest of other federal governments. Let’s be very clear about this, too, these atrocities are not happening in isolated cases with a few random athletes, not is this a conspiracy of a few rogue coaches, but rather these are massive, nationally orchestrated programs run by the highest levels of government. Please allow that to sink in for a moment.

    In the U.S., this is simply unfathomable. As citizens, we rightful become incensed if we even perceive a whiff of government intrusion in any aspect of our lives, yet not all that long ago, and maybe still even today, there are national-team athletes from other countries facing almost indescribable oppression, intimidation and abuse. So while I wish we had a wax truck for biathlon and nordic combined, and I wish both our health care and education systems were more efficacious and economical, but despite these shortcomings, I am still very proud to be an American, as this is most certainly one of the greatest countries in the world. Even with Trump.

  • Living the Dream: Ultimate Puffies Gear Review

    Living the Dream: Ultimate Puffies Gear Review

    LTD Gear Review: Ultimate Puffies (All photos by FBD)
    LTD Gear Review: Ultimate Puffies (All photos by FBD)

    Since amazingly I haven’t been fired by FasterSkier (yet), LTD is back with our undoubtedly eagerly awaited second installment of puffy coat reviews. In the first review, we tackled “lifestyle” puffies. These are the Swiss Army Knives of your closest — they do it all. You can wear them to and from the tracks, warm up in them for races, impress the ladies in the coffee shop Après-ski or wear them out to dinner, and Holly Beattie won bronze in the relay at World being warm and stylish the entire time.

    This is the review of their big brothers. While the lifestyle puffies may be the Sugar Ray Leonards of your wardrobe, pound for pound the kings of the closet, these are the heavyweight prize fighters: the Mike Tysons, Evander Holyfields, the Muhammad Alis — big, bad and heavy. This isn’t your ‘go-to’ jacket for most days; this is what you pull out when you’re getting ready to slug it out for several hours out in the cold. We call these the “ultimate puffies.”

    As you all should know by now, nothing is more important than looking good. Learn it. Know it. Live it. Now, having said that, you’re likely asking yourself, “Self, those ultimate puffies make you look like you’re heading off on an Everest expedition. How can I possibly look good in one of those monstrosities?” Great question, self, I am proud of you. You have been paying attention.

    Now please listen (read), very, very carefully here, as this is the ONE instance in which I am willing to grant you special dispensation on the fashion front in the name of function. These jackets are utilitarian. They are work horses. They have a very important job to do — they were put on Earth to keep your whiny, needy, nordic ass warm when it is downright nasty, so here and only here, we are we going to make allowances in style in the name of not catching pneumonia.

    You all know the scene — we’ve all been there — it is below zero and it’s race day, but you’re a team player, so you’re out there cheering on teammates/children/parents or friends, working the wax table for hours on end, or maybe you are even on-course, giving it your all in these brutal conditions.

    Or perhaps you are sitting for what seems like an eternity with 70,000 of your closest friends at some seemingly pointless spectator event as a part of the soul-crushing office job that you hate, watching overpaid millionaire mercenaries give each other closed head injuries while horribly inebriated indigenous personnel scream obscenities at players they worshiped as recently as a week ago. This bizarre fleeting devotion is even more puzzling due to the fact that essentially none of these steroid-abusing, sexual-assault purveyors are actually from the city they are purported to be representing and they garner god-like status despite their often glaringly illegal and immoral acts. Drown dogs with your bare hands? Beat defenseless women unconscious? KILL other humans? No problem, we love you as long as your ball skills are solid. Where was I going with this? Oh yes, those stadiums can be quite cold, so you need a warm coat.

    So, since no one loves you like we do here at FasterSkier, we went out and got ourselves cold so you don’t have to.

    The Process:

    We covered this in excruciating detail in the first review, so in the name of brevity I’m going to skip all of the gory details this time around since all of the same terms and conditions exist in this review as well. If you’re a stickler for details or just love to read my beautifully crafted prose, give yourself a treat and dive back in to the last installment and bask in the awesomeness that is my detailed description of testing protocols, disclosure statements, and conflicts of interest.

    Selection Criteria:

    I am going to repeat the description of how each particular jacket was selected though, as not only is is very important, but I want to take as many steps as prudent to avoid any angry mail. The companies picked the jackets, not us, so if you have an axe to grind, write them, not me. Or the executives at FasterSkier, as near as I can tell, all of those people seem quite lonely and most certainly need more to do.

    I would also like to emphasize how carefully and extensively every single piece was tested. I love gear. My team loves gear. There is no place all of us would rather be than outside doing cool stuff, so this is a responsibility we take very, very seriously. So while we did beat the crap out of these jackets, we did so due to our commitment to you the reader, the skier, the parent, the coach, the person standing out there in the cold for hours. Jackets are expensive, so we did our best to ensure that when you’re ready to pull the trigger on a new “Muhammad Ali,” we know we’ve done our best to give you the intellectual ammo to make the best possible purchase for your specific needs.

    The Reviews:

    Arc’teryx 

    FBD in the Arc’teryx Men's Ceres: Since no one takes manufacturers' claims of "Windproof" as skeptically as our team, FBD is shown here doing his best Labrador Retriever imitation, heading up Rabbit Ears Pass in Colorado at 60 mph in sub-zero temps. (All photos: FBD)
    Since no one takes manufacturers’ claims of “windproof” as skeptically as our team, FBD is shown here doing his best Labrador Retriever imitation, heading up Rabbit Ears Pass in Colorado at 60 mph in sub-zero temps wearing an Arc’teryx Men’s Ceres Down Jacket.

    In this “ultimate puffy” category, Arc’teryx sadly only sent us one jacket, a men’s Ceres. I say “sadly,” because this coat is amazing. Once again “The Bird” (they used that on the phone with me, so I therefore feel authorized to throw this out, plus it makes me sound like I know what I’m talking about and I like that) absolutely killed it. Essentially every (male) tester agreed that this was the warmest jacket in the test and it handled every challenge we threw at it with style and grace.

    Arc’teryx Men's Ceres Down Jacket (Arcteryx.com)
    Arc’teryx Men’s Ceres Down Jacket (Arcteryx.com)

    Warm? Check. Durable? Check. Stylish? Check. What’s not to love? Well, the only downside to this heavyweight champ is that all of these features come at a cost, as this was the most expensive jacket testing, but damn is it nice.

    As was the case in the “lifestyle puffies,” the fit is a bit generous, so if you’re a 6’6”, 118-pound IT technician or web programmer, this may not be the coat for you. If you’re a big, strapping man like the FBD, you’ll grab this every time there’s a sub-zero wind chill and the coaching zone you’ve been assigned to cover at the World Cup is the farthest one humanly possible from the nice warm wax cabin.

    Strengths: Very warm. Shell has a perfect mix of durability and flexibility.

    Weaknesses: May necessitate a second mortgage. Fit might be a bit loose on the ectomorphs out there in the studio audience.

    Buy it if: You’ll pay any amount of money to be warm while you’re sitting in the Eagles stadium watching angry, drunken, shirtless guys from Philadelphia throw beer at angry, drunken shirtless guys from New York, wondering how you life went so wrong. Or if you attend races anywhere in New England or Montana. Or Greenland. Who knows if there are actually nordic races in Greenland, but it seems like if there are, they’d be really, really cold.

    Patagonia

    Patagonia Women's Fitz Roy Down Parka
    Patagonia Women’s Fitz Roy Down Parka

    While maybe not quite as warm as the Arc’teryx, the offerings from Patagonia were quite close. They provide the test team a men’s and women’s Fitz Roy. In short, everyone loved these jackets. Both of the puffies were puffy, but not too puffy (all of my English professors just committed suicide after reading that sentence, sorry Mrs. Dixon et al.).

    One of my favorite comments from our testing log was, “I love this jacket, is it so soft and warm it feels like I’m wearing a sleeping bag that moves with me perfectly.” I agree with this assessment, as the jacket really does feel that soft and unrestricting. Is it too soft? Well, thankfully the Steamboat Springs Winter Sports Club cross-country ski team has essentially boundless energy and a near-total immunity to cold, so we repeated our patented “Penguin Slide” testing protocol and I’ll say this, none of the Patagonia garments had the slightest snag or tear, despite repeated runs down the very steep face of Howelsen Hill (as a point of reference, there are ski jumps are about 30 meters from our slide test area, so that should give you some idea of the steepness of the slope).

    So is this a guarantee that these coats will never rip? Of course not, but what it is intended to do is provide some assurance that if you’re standing in your favorite local outdoor retailer thinking, “Man, the material on this coat looks thin,” it is, but it is durable. Very durable.

    Patagonia Men's Fitz Roy Down Jacket (Patagonia.com)
    Patagonia Men’s Fitz Roy Down Jacket (Patagonia.com)

    We’ve now been testing these jackets daily for over two months without a single problem. If you’re working on monster trucks or an offshore oil derrick, could you damage it? Maybe. But if you are doing any of those things, you’re probably not reading this review and you’re most likely firmly in the Carhartt camp anyway, so stop wasting my time with all of these stupid questions.

    Strengths: Warmest coat for its weight, very compressible hence very packable, also very soft and flexible. Cool colors, nice style for both fraüleins and bros.

    Weaknesses: MAY tear more easily than some of the other coats, but this is just a theory, so no angry letters, Patagonia, and again, we tested this extensively and had no problems.

    Buy it if: You want a very versatile, warm puffy and you don’t work on monster trucks or offshore oil rigs.

    L.L. Bean

    L.L. Bean Wind Challenger Down Jacket
    L.L. Bean Wind Challenger Down Jacket

    As they did for the last review, L.L. Bean provided us another official model of the jacket they are supplying to the U.S. Ski Team this year, the Wind Challenger. The FBD testing crew was almost as divided as the Bloods and Crips in the L.L. Bean vs. Patagonia debate (as much as this metaphor could ever possibly fit a bunch of mountain-town nordic ski coaches), as the approaches of these two brands are almost polar opposite.

    Steamboat Springs Winter Sports Club nordic coach Josh Smullin (second from l) rocking the L.L. Bean Wind Challenger jacket on a cold walk back from breakfast at training camp with some SSWSC rock stars.
    Steamboat Springs Winter Sports Club nordic coach Josh Smullin (second from l) rocking the L.L. Bean Wind Challenger jacket on a cold walk back from breakfast at training camp with some SSWSC rock stars.

    Patagonia’s garments are warm, light, colorful, fashion-forward and very soft. L.L. Bean took the opposite tact and developed jackets that are also very warm, but much thicker, subdued and beefy. This is not necessarily a bad thing, as heavy = durable, and understated is a plus for people who don’t want to “pop” when they hit the town.

    I love any sort of attention and generally live my life by the philosophy of “there’s no such thing as bad publicity,” but if flying under radar is your M.O., this coat is for you.

    It’s a great coat and it feels like it can take a beating, a concept for which we are all quite fond.

    L.L. Bean Women's Wind Challenger Down Jacket (LLBean.com)
    L.L. Bean Women’s Wind Challenger Down Jacket (LLBean.com)

    Strengths: Heavier outer layer likely more abrasion resistant. Official supplier to the U.S. Ski Team. Not too flashy.

    Weaknesses: The hand on this coat is not nearly as soft or pliable as the others, in particular the Patagonia. Not super colorful. Not quite as packable, which is important when Grover says you can only bring one bag to Europe for your four-month trip.

    Buy it if: You channel your inner Andy Newell on your ski every day, you own a non-declawed cat, or you are thinking of buying a monster truck and/or are applying for oil rig work.

    (Ed note: our team of researchers is currently investigating whether monster trucks are allowed on oil rigs).

    Big Agnes

    Big Agnes Men's Dunkley Belay Jacket
    Big Agnes Men’s Dunkley Belay Jacket

    Big Agnes sent their apologies, but not a women’s coat, which is a shame as the men’s coat, the Dunkley Belay Jacket is excellent. It was the only jacket in the test with synthetic insulation (for women’s synthetic-jacket options, click here), and the down vs. synthetic is a debate that has ravaged mankind since the dawn of time.

    Big Agnes Men's Dunkley Belay Jacket (BigAgnes.com)
    Big Agnes Men’s Dunkley Belay Jacket (BigAgnes.com)

    Much has been written on both sides, so I won’t bore all of you with the details again here, but the executive summary is that this coat out-performs all of the others in the wet. I just happen to personally own last year’s model and like it a lot, but I had two serious issues with the zipper, one of which required an exchange. Big Agnes was very gracious about this, but even the replacement garment wasn’t perfect. Unfortunately our test garment also had a bit of a finicky zipper, which was real drag (no pun intended) when trying to put the coat on with cold hands after a race.

    Strengths: Stacked up to the “downies”  when dry. Warmest coat when wet. Perfect buy for people who recreate the ALS Challenge all winter and athletes who bathe their pets outside regardless of conditions. Or anyone who owns a Labrador Retriever, an animal that somehow manages to magically attract cold, wet conditions year-round, particularly in your car.

    Weaknesses: Least packable of all of the coats.  Zipper issues seem more common than they should be, in particular for a coat in this price range.

    Buy it if: You work at a winter car wash or ski places where the dreaded snow/rain transition is all-too-frequent.

    Bjørn Daehlie

    Bjørn Daehlie Women's Shelter Jacket
    Bjørn Daehlie Women’s Shelter Jacket

    The friendly folks at BD flipped the script on us on this one and sent a women’s ultimate puffy, the Shelter Jacket, but not a men’s, so this review is for women, by women. The garment sent was also the same version used by the U.S. Ski Team last year, so it’s got plenty of street cred.

    Bjørn Daehlie Men's Shelter Jacket (BjornDaehlie.com)
    Bjørn Daehlie Men’s Shelter Jacket (BjornDaehlie.com)

    This jacket was one of the best “all-arounders” for the ladies. It is warm, stylish and feels durable. One of our testers was an elite skier and subsequently received her fair share of team jackets and this was one of her favorites. Despite being from Alaska, she is surprisingly prone to getting cold, so she could be found busting out some of her AK coaching knowledge in this beauty even when out on skiing.

    I don’t think I’d actually do a workout in it, but it has nice mobility which means it is perfect to wear out to coach or any other start/stop activity. It is also ideal if you ski like one of our other testers Josh Smullin, in that in an effort to inflate your training hours, you take frequent breaks mid-workout for water and to make long phone calls. If you meet any of these criteria, BOOM, this jacket is for you.

    Strengths: Great all-around coat for women. Good weight. Good warmth. Great mobility. Great style. Extremely economical. Best value in entire test.

    Weaknesses: People will ask you if you’re Josh Smullin (never a good thing) or if you lie a lot in your training log. Coaches may attempt to activate the “auto-stop” feature on your heart rate monitor.

    Buy it if: You think your genealogy somehow traces back to Norwegian superstar Bjørn Daehlie, you’re a fan of this very stylish, iconic nordic brand, or you’re currently a little light on your yearly training hours.

    Bonus track

    L.L. Bean's Women's Baxter State Park. Not exactly a puffy, but we'll review it anyway.
    L.L. Bean’s Women’s Baxter State Parka. Not exactly a puffy, but we’ll review it anyway.

    One of the many things that makes this job fun is watching companies blatantly ignore my ridiculously simple instructions. People don’t send stuff they are supposed to send. People do sent stuff they’re not supposed to send. No one sends stuff on time and everyone yells at me when the reviews are late and weird. What I’m saying is I’m the victim here.

    Having said that, business is a full-contact sport — I get that. I have an alter ego that is out fighting a good fight in the corporate world right now and no one understands better than I that corporate goals may not always mesh with my goofy editorial goals. Perhaps even more importantly, as noted in the lifestyle puffy review, no one hates rules more than the FBD, so when L.L. Bean sent two jackets that seemed to defy all categories, the Baxter State Parka, I appreciated the gesture. The question became however, “What the hell do we do with these things?” So since Bean was aggressive, clever and innovative enough to send a special category of jackets, who am I to stifle this creative energy? So here’s a very special bonus review.

    L.L. Bean Men's Baxter State Parka (LLBean.com)
    L.L. Bean Men’s Baxter State Parka (LLBean.com)

    What are these mysterious category-defying garments? Well, that depends on when you grew up. There was a time when these pieces were called “snorkel jackets” and “back in the day,” you ruled the playground if you had one. I still remember poor Mark Woods having to sit on the playground in third grade in Michigan in mid-winter without any jacket or shirt to prove his worthiness for inclusion into the “Snorkel Club.” (Mark later passed away with complications from pneumonia and will be missed greatly. Very sad story.) Well, apparently, what’s old is what’s new again and these babies are making a comeback.

    This styling on these “snorkels” is a bit controversial, but generally well received. One young, hip female reviewer absolutely loved this jacket and rocked it hard on a team trip in Aspen. In perhaps the quote of the year, she noted, “I’m not a trophy wife, but I’m dressed like I could be and I kinda like that.” And that’s saying a lot in Aspen.

    On the other side of the coin, probably our most conservative male coach also loved this jacket and regularly wore it around town, having never looked better.

    A fishing vest, no proof that it's on steroids
    A fishing vest, no proof that it’s on steroids

    Strengths/Weaknesses: Fabric feels like it can stop a bullet. Hood features synthetic-fur trim and makes you a dead ringer for Kenny when fully deployed. More pockets than a fishing vest on steroids. Coat weighs more than me, folds to approximate size of my Great Dane. Will likely survive a nuclear blast.

    Buy it if: You rock Ray-Ban aviators in the winter, you drive a Range Rover to races, or you live alone in a backwoods cabin and trap your own food all winter. Or you fear an assassination attempt.

    ***

    Conclusion:

    We’re at that time of year when it can be very cold at many nordic venues and we’ve already covered that it’s really no fun to be cold. Since all of you over-trained nordic nerds out there already have compromised immune systems from the white blood cell-suppressing combination of a high-training volume, never going easy (as hey, there’s no way I’m letting THAT guy pass me up this hill on a training day) and getting up at 4:30 am to watch the live coverage of the World Cup, you deserve to treat yourself to a nice, warm puffy to throw on after the Land of Lakes Loppet so you can finally lick that nasty cold that’s been dogging you for months. Don’t forget, the Birkie is just around the corner and you need to be healthy if you are going to dominate wave 5.

    Up Next:

    Base layers and/or wind briefs (Yup, we are going THERE), or maybe the world’s coolest training monitoring system, or maybe something else. Or maybe nothing else, as I’m convinced that these columns are slowly killing me. And my Great Dane almost started a fire in my house the other day, so it seems as though I now attempt to cheat death on a daily basis and someday this just has to catch up to me.

    On a completely unrelated note, if anyone is interested in adopting a Great Dane “puppy,” please contact me offline: low miles, one owner, never been crashed.

    About the Author: Jon Schafer, known in U.S. nordic circles as Fast Big Dog, is a cultural anomaly: part man, part myth. He spent the better part of a month hitchhiking from Costa Rica to Alaska, carrying his skis the entire time, with only his quick wit and love of tequila to keep him going. … He skis, he rides, he writes and he paddles.

  • Living the Dream: The Gear Review You’ll Actually Enjoy Reading (First, Lifestyle Puffies)

    Living the Dream: The Gear Review You’ll Actually Enjoy Reading (First, Lifestyle Puffies)

    LTD Gear Review: Lifestyle Puffies (by Fast Big Dog)
    LTD Gear Review: (Part I) Lifestyle Puffies

    Introduction

    Welcome to FasterSkier’s newest series, “Living The Dream” (alternate working title is, “Why are we doing intervals again today?”). LTD will be a somewhat regular feature offering nordic skiers of all levels insight into many of the elements that make our sport great: I’ll be offering up advice/recommendations/observations/reviews on gear, training, travel and “other stuff TBD” as I generally don’t like rules, restrictions or guidelines (not to mention authority, deadlines, or good grammar). I’m coming off the line hot, too, with the inaugural column being a gear review of puffy coats — after all, what skier doesn’t like a good puffy coat?

    Selection Criteria

    Fast Big Dog's dog,.
    Fast Big Dog’s dog

    Picking the right puffy coat is a lot like picking the right skis, dog or spouse (listed in order of importance). This process is personal and unique, with different traits being important to different people and several factors impacting the ultimate decision.

    (As a quick aside on topic number two, if your significant other happens to talk you into the acquisition of a Great Dane puppy, be prepared for months of house breaking, a general indifference toward acknowledging their name — the dog, not the significant other — and a voracious appetite for light bulbs. You’ve been warned.) 

    So as we prepare to embark on this wonderful journey together to outfit you, the reader, in just the right jacket, let’s lay down some ground rules:

    1. Nothing is more important than looking good. Never forget this. Ever.
    2. If you’re one of those dudes who wears race suit bottoms into the coffee shop or grocery store after a workout, you should probably stop reading now — there is nothing we can do for you here. Oh, and stop doing that. Stop it right now.
    3. If you’re an athlete, coach, parent or generally interested bystander who is looking for the “ultimate puffy” — the warmest jacket know to man for hours of standing around the race course in sub-zero temps — have no fear, we have you covered for this, too, (no pun intended) in next month’s column.
    4. This first review is for a category I deemed “lifestyle puffies,” coats that are all about being warm but also looking good. If you’re looking for one winter coat, this is it. If you’re one of those skiers that has two light beers at a wedding and is bombed, then proceeds to tear up the dance floor for two hours with your one move, the only tool you own is a Leatherman or you’ve always secretly admired Batman’s utility belt, well this is your lucky day, as today we are going to get you in your perfect “all-in-one” jacket.
    5. The last rule is also the first rule, when in doubt, always refer to rule #1.

    The Process

    For the test jackets, I reached out to all of the usual suspects, most of whom were kind enough to provide both men’s and women’s jackets. This was greatly appreciated, as I believe that many reviewers come up small in their analysis as it is often a dude reviewing products for both men and women and from what I can remember from my high-school biology class, there are some important anatomical differences between men and women, although many of the specifics escape me at this time.

    To help combat my complete and utter lack of understanding of the fairer sex, I recruited a crackerjack team of female coaches/skiers/bad asses to provide their perspective on each garment. In addition, to keep these reviews as balanced and bias-free as possible, I also asked a few other male nordic coaches to help me with the testing. This entire testing team ranged in age from early twenties to an undetermined amount over-50 and collectively has well over 100 years of experience nordic skiing. Was this a double-blind, prospective, longitudinal peer-reviewed study? No. But I did my best to bring in perspectives from both sexes and several ages to provide as balanced and complete of an analysis as possible and reasonable for a winter-jacket review.

    Since I pretend to be a scientist when I’m off duty from FasterSkier, I can’t help but throw in a staple of every good scientific paper or presentation: a disclosure statement. I’m a Steamboat boy from way back, as are a few of the other coaches, though certainly not all. One of the companies, Big Agnes, is based in Steamboat. I am also involved with the U.S. Ski Team and unless you’ve been living in a cave (in which case this review will be perfect for you, as caves can be quite cold and drafty) you likely know that L.L. Bean is the new official gear supplier to the U.S. Ski Team. In addition, I’ve either been on teams or been personally sponsored by Arc’teryx and Mountain Hardware in several different pursuits and activities. Several of my good friends are sponsored by Swix, Salomon and L.L. Bean. So in short, almost the entire review team has or had relationships with almost all of the companies. Having said this, I think everyone did an excellent job of evaluating the coats based on their merit  — we all love skiing and we all love gear. The old adage, “There is no such thing as bad weather, only bad gear” rings true to all of us every day so we did our best to provide honest, accurate recommendations with the hope that each and every one of you reading this can be as comfortable as possible out there doing the sport we all love.

    On the other side of this disclosure, it is also very important to point out that these are straight-up legit reviews: I know firsthand that other “outside” magazines and web sites require companies to pay money to be considered for reviews, which is appalling in my opinion, as this crosses the line from review into gloried advertisement. I can assure you that this was not the case here — companies were not asked to provide any remuneration whatsoever, nor were we pressured or offered enticements in any way from any of the companies.

    Finally, almost all of the coats in this review are in the “good to excellent” range, but what made this process very interesting is just how different many of them were out in the field. One of our main objectives is to therefore describe the circumstances in which each piece will perform optimally and help guide skiers to the jacket that will best meet their needs.

    Criteria

    In terms of how each particular jacket was picked from the vast array of options, I provided identical selection criteria to each company and asked them to send the product that they felt best met these standards. Representatives from the companies picked the products, so if you’re an over the top fan boy for a particular brand and your “go-to” coat wasn’t picked, email the company, not me.

    My entire team did their best to assess as many of the more objective factors (warmth, bulk, fit, etc.) as possible, as well as the more subjective factors (style, use scenarios, etc). We tested all of the jackets in a wide variety of different conditions and environments, from the very usual (loading skis and scraping van windows) to the more unusual:

    Based on several meetings and just the right amount of beer, we then came together to create consensus on which coats performed the best in all of the scenarios and based on this meta-analysis, I faithfully and thoughtfully scribed the following review.

    The Reviews:

    Arc’teryx

    Arc Teryx women's Atom LH Hoody (All photos: FBD)
    Arc’teryx women’s Atom LT Hoody (All photos: FBD)

    For this category of the lifestyle puffy, Arc’teryx sent us a men’s Koda parka and the women’s Atom LT Hoody. Arc’teryx sent different models for men and women due to the fact that they do not make a women’s Koda jacket, but they believe these two models to be very comparable, so for the purposes of this review, we are using the two somewhat interchangeably. I am comfortable with this generalization, but please keep this in mind if you read this and want to go running off to the Internets to make the ultimate X-mas gift purchase — don’t yell at me when you can’t find a women’s Koda.

    West Yellowstone's weather Thanksgiving week 2015.
    West Yellowstone’s weather Thanksgiving week 2015.

    The Koda parka was the warmest of all of the men’s lifestyle puffies, with the women’s Atom LT Hoody in a virtual tie for the top spot in the warmness category as well. Each of them are very, very good coats. Buy this for yourself and you’ll be stoked. Buy it for someone else and you’ll be a hero for years to come. Coming back from breakfast in West Yellowstone, Mont., a few weeks ago, the weather looked like this (see photo at left), and the jacket performed admirably.

    The outer layer feels very abrasion-resistant and it held up well for nine intensive days of skiing and coaching in West Yellowstone. If that doesn’t sound like very rigorous testing, you’ve never seen me load and unload wax tables from the team van.

    A few of our more fashion-conscious reviewers (both male and female) found both the coloring and styling a little flat and “looked as though it could be going on a mountaineering expedition.” Perhaps since I’ve been on a number of mountaineering expeditions I found this a strength, not a weakness, but it is a fair point. So if you’re looking to ride your fixie home from the tracks to stop and drink PBR with your hipster friends and their ironic facial hair, this may not be the jacket for you. If you are low-key, subtle and have some $$$ to spend (at $449 for the men’s version, this was the most-expensive jacket reviewed in this category), this is the coat for you.

    Arc'Teryx men's Koda Parka (ArcTeryx.com)
    Arc’teryx men’s Koda Parka (Arcteryx.com)

    The fit on the men’s jacket is a little more generous than most of the others tested: the FBD is a large, powerful man, so this also was a plus, not a minus, but if you are a little more diminutive, you may find the jacket a little too loose. Interestingly enough, the women’s version seemed to have the opposite fit: two of the reviewers are on the shorter side and found the sizing to be perfect for them, but noted that it may not be ideal for very tall women or those with longer torsos. Overall, this is a very, warm, subdued but sophisticated jacket that looks like it will hold up well to years of serious use.

    Strengths: Warm, comfortable, fleece-lined pockets, “quiet style” and durable zippers and outer layer.

    Weaknesses: A bit spendy, a few younger reviewers thought the style was a little plain, fit might be too roomy for smaller male frames.

    Buy it if: Performance is your top consideration and money is less of an issue, you want to be warm and stylishly understated.

     

    Patagonia

    Patagonia Air Nano Air Hoody
    Patagonia Nano-Air Hoody

    The fine folks in Ventura, Calif., provided us with a Nano-Air Hoody. The selection of this particular garment surprised us all a bit, as you can’t swing a smoked-up lift op around a mountain town without hitting someone rocking a Patagonia Down Sweater or Nano Puff (this reviewer has one of each), so we fully expected to be sent one of these models. We were not. What was sent however, quickly became of the favorites of the entire team.

    Even though this review is focused on jackets to wear to and from skiing, the Nano-Air is so soft, stretchable and lightweight that you can wear it nordic skiing, as well as on the ride to and fro. Two of us also tested it on a killer back-country alpine ski and found it to perform flawlessly, but please note, we were skinning up the hill and working hard on the way down slaying deep powder (yeah, I know, first-world problems…) so we were not only moving the entire time, but also doing so with reasonable intensity.

    Patagonia women's Nano-Air Hoody (Patagonia.com)
    Patagonia women’s Nano-Air Hoody (Patagonia.com)

    In all of these use-cases, the coat was basically perfect. Would you ever want to wear it for lift-serviced terrain? Probably not until the mercury tops 30 or so. For spring-party skiing, it’d probably be awesome, but we had a powder day in Steamboat recently and the temp at the top of the mountain was a balmy -2 degrees and I didn’t even consider grabbing this jacket when I left the house.

    Overall, this is a killer piece for around town on sunny winter days and it will surely crush it in the spring, fall and cool summer nights in the mountains. Probably one of the best summary comments from the testing feedback forms was, “I love this jacket. It feels more like a hoodie than a jacket and I think I could do all sorts of activities in it or just wear it around as long as it wasn’t super cold.”

    Strengths: Incredibly warm for its weight, stretchable, stylish and extremely versatile. Can be worn to the tracks and straight to coffee afterwards or even on the town as a nice hoody. Also a great layering piece.

    Weaknesses: Still not as warm as a few of the heavier coats. Probably not the best choice if you live someplace very cold and are looking for a one-coat solution for all of your winter needs.

    Buy it if:  You are a direct descendant of Nanook of the North, you normally only wear a T-shirt outside all winter, you can thermoregulate like a lizard or you want an incredibly versatile stand-alone or layering piece that will kick ass and take names all year ‘round.

     

    L.L. Bean

    L.L. Bean Ultralight 850 Down Hooded Jacket
    L.L. Bean Ultralight 850 Down Hooded Jacket

    The newest supplier to the U.S. Ski Team did not disappoint with their offering. The jacket sent to us was the Ultralight 850 Down Hooded Jacket, which is part of the official kit for the U.S. Ski Team and it was rapidly apparent why this is the case: the coat was light, warm and functional. Our version was blue with a contrasting yellow liner that one very fashion-forward female review said made me look “less repulsive than usual.” (Bless you Greta).

    L.L. Bean women's Ultralight 850 Down Hooded Jacket (LL Bean.com)
    L.L. Bean women’s Ultralight 850 Down Hooded Jacket (LL Bean.com)

    This jacket also features fleece lined pockets which were a huge hit with the entire coaching staff. Anyone who has spent hours in the cold loading and unloading skis, fiddling with bindings, straps, van keys, video cameras and the myriad of other things that seems to always require removing your gloves, is going to love this feature.

    Strengths: A good, solid, all-around coat. Very light and packable. The fact that they support the U.S. Ski Team is also a plus.

    Weaknesses: Another coat that is not super flashy. Again, for me, this is a strength, not a weakness, but this is probably not the best choice is you want to go clubbing in New York City, Berlin, or Oslo. Pretty much square in the middle on the warmth/weight ratio scale.

    Buy it if: You want to help a company supporting the U.S. Ski Team, you are cost-conscious and you want a very versatile puffy that’ll look good around town and in your race bag at the Birkie. Or if you’re a person who forgets their gloves often.

     

    Big Agnes

    Big Agnes Women’s Shovelhead Hooded Jacket
    Big Agnes Women’s Shovelhead Hooded Jacket

    This one is a little tricky, as Big Agnes did not send an entry for the best men’s lifestyle puffy. They did send a women’s coat, the Women’s Shovelhead Hooded Jacket, so while I have no data to report on the men’s side, I can pass along our female reviewers comments.

    Big Agnes men's Shovelhead Hooded Jacket (BigAgnes.com)
    Big Agnes men’s Shovelhead Hooded Jacket (BigAgnes.com)

    Overall, this was a popular coat. All of the women found it to be very warm yet not too bulky or cumbersome. It was more form fitting than the other jackets in this category, which most found to be a plus, though a few female reviewers did note that larger-chested women may not find this cut as comfortable.

    Strengths: Best warmth/weight ratio of any women’s jacket. Very packable. Retains warmth well when wet. Very wind resistant. Good for skiers who are always cold.

    Weaknesses: May not be good for certain female body types

    Buy it if: You are a woman who wants a very lightweight yet warm jacket and your body type fits in the criteria outlined above.

     

    Swix

    Swix Romsdal 2.0
    Swix Romsdal 2.0

    This iconic name in nordic skiing provided exactly what we thought they would — a solid, reliable garment, the Swix Romsdal 2.0. It looks very “Nordic,” which is to be expected given the lineage of the brand. Given the audience of this periodical, I’m guessing this will also be a positive in most instances.

    Swix men's Romsdal 2.0 Down Jacket (Backcountry.com)
    Swix men’s Romsdal 2.0 Down Jacket (Backcountry.com)

    The look of this jacket is a bit of the tale of two cities (maybe all Twin Cities residents should therefore go buy one of these immediately), as the men’s version is styled very traditionally, but the women’s coat seems to have just the right amount of flash for all of the female reviewers. Our women’s test jacket was pink with a white band across the upper back and a few snowflakes placed strategically in the banding, which everyone loved. One guest reviewer (a former elite skier and current nordic-store employee) noted, “Oh yeah, we KILL IT with this jacket in the shop. It is one of our best sellers.”

    Strengths: Styling of the women’s model seems to be spot-on, not only based on the universal approval of our team of female testers, but also on anecdotal reports of sales. Very economical. Great value.

    Weaknesses: Neither the men’s or women’s jacket was incredibly warm, though neither was terrible. The two-tone color on the men’s model looks somewhat traditional and certainly can’t be described as “fashion-forward,” but it that’s not your jam anyway, you’ll be fine.

    Buy it if: You’re the type of person with wax stickers on your car. You ski daily. You are a cool mountain-town mom (MTM) or a single dude looking to find a hot, single MTM. Great custom team jacket.

     

    Mountain Hardwear

    Mountain Hardwear's Ghost Whisperer
    Mountain Hardwear’s Ghost Whisperer

    We received a men’s Ghost Whisperer from Mountain Hardware (again, only a men’s) and this was another one of the coats that made this very elaborate process fun. I’ve owned Mountain Hardwear soft goods for years and have always been impressed with their very pragmatic approach. Their products work well and while they may not have been at the leading edge of the fashion curve, the gear did its job and did it well. So when I opened up the box, I was a bit surprised as this was clearly the most aggressive styling I have ever seen in one of their coats. Fascinated by this apparent change in direction, I set off to the tracks to annoy innocent skiers with my seemingly endless and odd stream of coat questions.

    Mountain Hardwear women's Ghost Whisperer Down Jacket (Mountainhardwear.com)
    Mountain Hardwear women’s Ghost Whisperer Down Jacket (Mountainhardwear.com)

    The results of this highly unofficial but yet very unscientific trail/airport/coffee-shop survey? This coat slays it with the “in” crowd. It is very shiny and the color was definitely different but I have to admit, I really like it. To be clear, would I have picked this out for myself if I was alone at my favorite local outdoor retailer? Probably not, at least not right away, but would I go buy one now? Yes.

    Mountain Hardwear has stuck to their roots and produced a fantastic jacket that is very warm for its size, portable and a great piece for both athletic and casual use. I guess what sealed the deal for me was when a group of female skiers said, “Oh yeah, that look is so hot right now,” and since I consider myself the Steamboat version of Hansel, this coat now seems like a must-have.

    Strengths: Very light, best warmth/weight ratio for all of the men’s coats, fastest down the hill in penguin slides, “so hot right now”

    Weaknesses: Style may not be everyone’s cup of tea. Outer layer feels like it could be prone to tears, but having said that, despite repeated penguin slides, none of us had any issues with rips, tears or snags. Plus, is it worth it to have a coat that might rip a bit easier but looks awesome? I hope you know the answer to that question by now. If not, please revisit Rule #1.

    Buy it if: Style IS your jam, you don’t like being cold, you understand and appreciate >50% of these references.

     

    Bjorn Daehlie

    Bjorn Daehlie Easy Jacket
    Bjorn Daehlie Easy Jacket

    Another iconic nordic brand that we were delighted to review. This was another case in which we only received a men’s coat, the Easy Jacket, so please factor in accordingly the fact that we were only reviewing a men’s jacket. This jacket also took a page out of the independent-thinker handbook, as this was another garment that didn’t necessarily fit the criteria outlined, but we loved it nonetheless.

    Bjorn Daehlie women's Easy Jacket (BjornDaehlie.com)
    Bjorn Daehlie women’s Easy Jacket (BjornDaehlie.coml)

    This is not really a “wear-around-town jacket,” but having said that, it was great at its core mission: nordic skiing. This particular coat was the most breathable and flexible of the entire group, so it was by far the best jacket in which to nordic ski. Now, you may be saying to yourself, “Self, I thought the goal of this review was to find the best jacket to wear TO ski, not to ski IN,” and you’d be correct, but, we did like this coat a lot for nordic skiing.

    It is very non-constrictive and perfect for athletes who chill easily or for us normal people on VERY cold days. Would I buy it? Yes, but probably not for around town. It’s a great jacket to have in the quiver for cold skis and still be able to wear in the grocery store without being asked to leave. This of course, begs the question that if you need to wear this jacket skiing, aren’t you therefore predisposed to being cold and would thusly want an even warmer jacket to wear off the tracks? Wow, look at you with the good questions… Fair point though, so if this is all ringing very true to you, you had better plan on buying this and one of the “ultimate puffies” that will be reviewed next month and you’ll be good to go.

    Strengths: Very light, flexible and perfectly suited for nordic skiing

    Weaknesses: Least warm of all of the jackets, you’ll be “that guy” in the grocery store still rocking his nordic stuff. Speaking of which, didn’t we clearly tell you earlier in this article to stop doing that?

    Buy it if: You want a coat you can ski in, you have a Nordic World Cup fantasy team, the first thing you read every morning is Noah Hoffman’s blog and you’re going to ignore me and wear your tights around town for three hours after your ski anyway. This is your look. Own it.

    ***

    Conclusion

    Festivus pole
    Festivus pole (Photo: Wikipedia)

    Hopefully this information will help you make an even more informed decision on your next trip to the gear store, which if you are like me, is a regular occurrence — especially this time of year. Don’t forget either, you’ve probably been out training a lot this year (yes, yes, not as much as you’d like, you’ve been SO busy at work, this time of year is crazy, etc.) but still, think about all of those around you that support you in your pursuit of this ridiculous hobby.

    Let’s just say that even if you are all set gear-wise (which is doubtful, but for the purposes of the last part of this discussion we’ll accept this premise), maybe you should take all of this newfound brain knowledge and use it for good instead of evil and hook up that someone special with one of the best presents you could ever hope to find under the tree, Menorah, or Festivus pole — a kick-ass “lifestyle” puffy.

    Everyone loves a good puffy and remember, there is nothing more important than looking good.

    ***