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From the FasterSkier archive — posts syndicated from athletes’ and coaches’ own blogs between 2004 and 2012, kept online as published. Current coverage is at fasterskier.com.

Tag: FBD Christmas

  • FasterSkier’s 12 Days of FBD Christmas: Day 10

    FasterSkier’s 12 Days of FBD Christmas: Day 10

    Editor’s note: For the second-straight year, we’re presenting another 12-day holiday gift guide, brought to you by the one and only “FBD”, our gear-review guru. See also: Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4 | Day 5 | Day 6 | Day 7 | Day 8 | Day 9

    ***

    Day 10: Tech

    Tech — what exactly does that mean? Technology? Phones that cost >$1k but still die after being exposed to cold for less than an hour? Michigan Tech? The dudes who stay up late drinking and prepping skis? All of these? None of these? Inquiring minds want to know.

    In the vernacular that I am establishing here is it really more of the former and much less of the latter, much, much less, actually, as I am still recovering from spending time with the ski service technicians from Italy, Germany and France on the last night of the FIS Nordic Combined Continental Cup. You can learn a lot talking with World Cup wax techs and in this case I learned that if you stay up late drinking, you’re going to feel like crap the next morning. Who knew?

    So let’s do our best to purge that nasty little episode from memory (which should be easy, as many of the details from that night are already sketchy) and focus on all of the strengths of technology.

    ***

    Under $29

    Wood or stone phone case*

    WÜD Life Mountain by Mauro Martins Phone Case: Editor’s pick for under $29

    *Editor’s Pick (not FBD-reviewed)

    This one is on the edge of the price category, with WÜD Life offering cases ranging from $19.95 to $39.95, but we tested one right in the middle, a “Mountain by Mauro Martins Phone Case” made with North American Maple wood. This company, which has only been around since June, sells rugged, yet visually appeasing phone cases made from natural materials, like wood and stone (as well as hard plastic and rubber). So if you’re buying for someone that’s outdoorsy and artsy, this is a great choice.

    The cases are relatively thin and lightweight (even the rock cases) and they’re not waterproof, so they don’t live up to the indestructible standards set by, say OtterBox. At the same time, they’re a lot less bulky and definitely eye-catching. And if you really want to stand out among the crowd, check out WÜD’s Private Collection for cases “uniquely designed for each customer”, made of burl wood and available in limited quantities.

    Starting at $19.95 at WUDLife.com

     

    $30 – $99

    Backcountry coffee press

    GSI Outdoors JavaDrip: FBD pick for $30-$99

    First and foremost, let’s not forget that the ultimate goal of technology is to make our lives better and is there anything better than hot, fresh coffee in the morning? Coffee is good everywhere, but it’s even better when you are up in the mountains, on a glacier, or marooned in some soul-crushing cabin in remote Montana, testing sleeping bags and underwear, alone with your thoughts (turns out that you can scribble down your insane ramblings much faster and with greater clarity when you are jacked up on caffeine).

    Coffee is a lot like sex in the sense that even when it’s bad, it’s good. Sticking with this metaphor for a second, coffee is also good anywhere and no where is it better than in any of the aforementioned scenarios. It can also be hard to find, especially when you are traveling alone, and can be quite frustrating when someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing messes it up.

    The solution? (Well, at least to your coffee problems, you’re on your own for the other stuff). A kick-ass backcountry coffee system. Technically (yup, there’s that word again), this is a pour-over system, as opposed to a French Press, but at the end of the day, does any of that really matter? Your goal is good/great coffee in the backcountry (or in your hillbilly offices if those savages only have dirty, old commercial drip coffee makers that look like they came from a insane asylum in the 1950s).

    There are a few different pour-over systems out there, but this one is probably my favorite. It’s relatively light, very functional, durable and most importantly, produces great coffee, which is key when you are sitting in your Ted Kaczynski-style cabin in remote Montana, wondering how your life went so wrong. It might be a bit heavy for weight-weenie backpackers (for you, I recommend this, but please note, you also need a compatible stove).

    $36.99 on Amazon

     

    Strava

    Strava Premium: FBD pick for $30-$99

    OK, this one is a bit tricky for me. I gladly travel to the far corners of the Earth in search of the ultimate in gear for my adoring readers, but I’m going to let you in on a secret — I generally don’t like Strava. Well, wait, let me back up a bit — I generally don’t like the people who use Strava. Just as Muhammad Ali famously once said regarding his refusal to fight in Vietnam, “I ain’t got no quarrel with them Viet Cong,” I ain’t got no quarrel with Strava, but man, I sure do hate some of the idiots using it. If you’ve ever uttered the phrase, “If it’s not on Strava, it doesn’t exist,” you are one of the people to which I am referring.

    Or if you’re someone who I beat the balls off of in a running race to the top of the gondola and instead of taking your beating like a man, you cried about it because your ass-kicking wasn’t on Strava, well then I’m talking to you too. You people (or in this case, person) are the worst.

    These are the very same people who speed up on their bikes if they see someone preparing to pass them on a training ride. Guess what that training ride just became, dummy, that’s right, a race. Don’t get me wrong, I love racing — “racing improves the breed,” but you know when I like to race? On race day. You know when racing is stupid? On training days when you are supposed to be riding easy. But hey, if you want to wreck your season and make your training time less, productive, who am I to stand in your way? Blow it out all summer trying to move up from number 349 to 321 on your local KOM, just don’t come crying to me when you’re going backwards all winter on snow.

    Thankfully, this phenotype is not everyone on Strava. In fact, I have a few very good friends who successfully use this social network without me wanting to murder them each and every day. Case in point, the first couple of U.S. cross-country skiing, Brian and Caitlin Gregg are not only regular users, but also completely normal, sensible people who use this tool wisely.

    Strava offers a basic level service which is free, but the premium option has all kinds of cool options and since this is a Holiday Gift Guide, why not gift this to your favorite nordic nerd already wasting away hours to see which other nordic nerd skied the local hill faster than they did on a training day? If your gift recipient in question has already bought into this nonsense, the extra features available on the premium level will have your technophile nothing short of orgasmic. (Hmmm, lots of sex references in here today, I may need to see someone about this).

    As for more on how to use Strava correctly and without sounding like a total tool, I would like to turn over the floor to my good buddies, Olympians and all-around great people, Brian and Caitlin Gregg. During out time together in West Yellowstone, they each offered up these perfect assessments, “The LNR [Loppet Nordic Racing] boys have turned me on to Strava and it is a fun was to help share and discover different rollerski routes,” said Brian. “We have set up segments for our various interval loops and hills and it is nice to have an automatic log of segment times for our intervals.Plus it is fun to keep everyone on track and accountable for successfully negative splitting intervals sessions.”

    Caitlin added, “It is helpful to be able to easily see heart rates and data from the whole training group so that we can make sure that the intensity level is correct and we can monitor fatigue.” Now THAT’S how you use Strava, people.

    Truer words were never spoken. Go ahead and sign up, but remember people, I am watching you.

    The biggest takeaway here? Be more like Caitlin and Brian. In everything you do.

    Strava Premium: $59 a year

    ***

     

    $100 – $299

    Backcountry backpack

    Ortovox Men’s Haute Route 32: FBD pick for $100-$299

    Who doesn’t love a good backcountry pack? This pack made the cut for “tech,” because not only is the pack itself high-tech, but it can also very effectively carry and help manage a whole suite of other technologies (no word if the French wax techs will fit inside, though it IS called “The Haute Route.”) Since the HR 32 has features like separate compartments for your avi gear (you DO have avi gear, right? If not, don’t you dare leave the groomers), easy carry options for skis, snowboard, helmet, poles, and even an ice axe, boom, you had me at hello.

    My back is much more broad and jacked up than this, but you get the general idea.

    What’s also great about this pack is the use-profile for which it was designed: backcountry touring. Rocking the BC is the best of both worlds: you get to show off your superior aerobic fitness and blast up some big hill like the lunatic that you are, then come ripping down on beautiful, untouched, gaper-free powder. Talk about living this dream, THIS is it.

    There are lots of variations on this, too, and all of them rock: there’s backcountry, slack country, side-country and even Big Country. (This is btw, exactly what J-Smu’s arms look like: pasty little strings of Play-Doh attached to a giant head) So go ahead, pick your poison, but don’t get all caught up in labels, attitudes and worrying about the MO of the next guy, you do you — there’s lots of fun to be had out there, so go get some. Just do so safely and with some style.

    $169 on Amazon

    ***

    Over $300

    Fancy Lupine light

    2017 Wilma R headlamp: FBD pick for over $300

    Yes, I went HAM (and no, not this) the other day on the Lupine headlamps, but guess what, I’m not done. Why? Well, if you REALLY want to go whole hog (lots of porcine references today, I must need bacon), you also need the Lupine Wilma 7 light. Let’s get all of our cards on the table right now, too — this light has 3,200 lumens. Three thousand, two hundred. That’s a lot.

    I didn’t even bring up this option in the earlier review, for to be perfectly honest, this light really isn’t all that applicable to skiing. Sure, you COULD use it, but do you need it? Not really. The Neo and the Piko headlamps, covered in excruciating detail the other day, are more than enough light for nordic skiing — in particular the Piko. That little guy is light, powerful and extremely versatile. So, having said all of that, why did the Wilma make the cut for today, especially given its hefty price tag? Simple. Cycling.

    Since, sadly, snow seems to be going the way of the Dodo and so many dodos with access to voting booths are either making the wrong call or eschewing the process altogether (remember people, you get the government that you deserve), the reality of the situation is we need to prepare for shorter winters and less snow.

    Piano-case coffin

     This means that as a skier, you can either give up and resign yourself to an early grave in a piano-case coffin (at right), or you can fight to protect the environment and hope that we can prevent further damage, and get your riding and running game on point. As we discussed earlier at great length, the reduced availability of daylight in winter makes this extra tricky, so while we’ve already covered why you need a light for night ride (I think this is also pretty self-explanatory), we’re now about to dive into why you need two.

    In essence, there are two main reasons, both stemming from visibility: the first is you seeing, and the second is you being seen. We’ll tackle these in order.

    Seeing: it’s important. Mountain biking is vastly superior to road riding at all times, but particularly in winter. I no longer fear hell, as I’ve spent a winter in Philadelphia, training on my ride bike. Each of those alone is bad, but the combination borders on lethal.

    All of you who’ve tried it, know that riding in the winter generally sucks — that’s not exactly breaking news. To survive any ride longer than about 10 minutes, you need to invest almost as much time getting dressed as you do on the actual ride – if you aren’t sweating by the time you walk your bike to the door (you’re not one of those animals who keeps their bike in the garage, are you? If so, may the Lord have mercy on your soul), you are underdressed.

    No matter what you do, you’re going to be cold. Overdress and you’ll be basting in your own sweat on each climb, like a skinny, nerdy, weirdo-shaved leg version of one of those new trendy crockpots, and this preponderance of perspiration will then make you freeze shortly thereafter. Conversely, if you’ve adorned yourself like it is still September, with nothing more than toe covers and a windbreaker that offers the heat retention of a Kleenex, you’re obviously going to be cold from the get-go. Even if you’ve done everything perfectly and nailed the outfit, the weather doesn’t change, and some passing A-hole motorist doesn’t soak with you with filthy, pathogen-rich, Philly road sludge, I defy you to show me a man, woman, or child, who can head out on a sub-zero day and not be miserable after two hours on a road bike. It’s impossible.

    Emergency Speedo: Come to Alaska, hear the Speedo story.

    On a mountain bike however, it’s Speedo time. Whether it’s the “Emergency Speedo,” primarily reserved only for active duty on Eagle Glacier, or your tried-and-true, daily ball bag, you need look no further than the embarrassing- and stigma-filled men’s swimwear section of your local sporting goods store for everything you’ll need all winter. Yes, the differences between mountain and road are actually that pronounced.

    Since we’ve now clearly established that only the mentally ill, sadomasochists, and those with nothing worthwhile to live for, will be out riding the road, and since we know that you’re smart (after all, you are reading MY column, so we know that you’re part of the solution, not part of the problem), I think we can therefore say with a high degree of confidence that you’ll be riding the trails in the winter. You’re welcome.

    The one problem that riding your mtb in the dark does present though, is that it is, well … dark. And that’s ummmm … a problem.

    Wow, this is a long way to go to make a case for two lights, but we are already on Day 10 people and I don’t know how the hell I’m going to spend my time for the next 350 days without espousing my technical, cultural, and political views, so I’ll be damned if I’m going to go without a fight.

    OK, since you’re not a complete fool, A.) You voted, B.) Not for Trump, C.) You are now going to be more engaged politically than ever before, D.) You don’t ride your road bike in the winter (if you live where it is cold, which of course begs that question, how many skiers live someplace where it isn’t cold in the winter, but I digress…), E.) You do ride your mountain bike (if you can’t ski, that is), F.) You understand enough about optics to grasp the fact that it is dark at night, G.) You accept the fact that riding at night without lights is a problem, H.) You are in the business of solving problems (Hey, it’s what you do), I.) You live by the cardinal rule of endurance athletics, “If some is good, more is better,” J.) You are ready to apply this to lighting systems, and K.) You now finally realize that you do indeed new two lights on your mountain bike. Whew, we made it.

    Should I tell you why? Do you have enough left in you? Don’t forget, we ARE on Day 10… complain all you want about this wandering train of thought, but you’re going to miss me for the next 350 days. Mark my words.

    OK, OK, let’s do this: two lights on a bike is essentially the difference between monocular and binocular vision. In the latter, you have greatly improved depth of field, contrast, and depth perception, as well as greatly reduced shadowing, ghosting (not the cool-way-to-leave-a-party-without-being-seen thing, or the Scooby Doo-villain-thing either), and pimpage (for those of you who don’t want to cram pimpage).

    The key to making this work and optimizing all of the advantages just listed, is to mount one light on your bars and the other on your helmet. The beams on good lights are now broad enough so that these two unique sources will overlap nicely, therein offering all the advantages described above. Very pro. And don’t forget, you also have TWICE as much light, so the advantages of this setup are more than exponential.

    Hockey helmet strap

    That covers you seeing. What about you being seen? To answer that question, let’s drift back to the issue of the complete flaming lunatics that are even considering heading out with only one light: you have two basic options here: mount the light on your bars or mount the light on your helmet. Both options have their advantages. Mounting the light on your bars provides the most even lighting, as your bars are more stable than your helmet, even if you’re not rockin’ “Hockey Helmet”, with your chin strap dangling like a frayed clothes line in a meth lab trailer park.

    The helmet mount allows you to look over at the idiot texting while also trying to pull out of Whole Foods lot, in a largely futile hope that this ridiculous amount of stimulation and retina-burning light will momentarily jar him to at least briefly glance at the road; sometimes that’s all you need.

    But put them together? Forget about it.

    There’s no way this is a bad idea.

    This DWC (Double Whammy Combination) is the best way to check all of the boxes for safety and visibility. You’ve also got backup in case you’ve goofed up your charging regimen or have some type of mechanical. And you’ve got more light than a tanning booth.

    As I teased at the start, the Wilma has 3,200 lumens of power. That’s more than ten times as much as the Petzl. If you took my advice (which you always should) after the headlamp review and purchased the Piko, smart move. Running this Piko/Wilma combo will give ya 1,800 “up top” and another 3,200 on the bars, for a mind-blowing total of 5,000 lumens. Life doesn’t get any better than that. I know, I know, it’s a lot of money, but if you are going to regularly ride trails all winter, it’s totally worth it. After all, is there anything more important than you being happy? I didn’t think so.

    $452 at LupineNorthAmerica.com

     

    Mavic Pro Drone

    Mavic Pro Drone: FBD pick for over $300
    FBD’s namesake found trailside on a ski tie

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I am a sexy, sexy man. I love the sound of my own voice, the sight of my own name (see photo at right), and most certainly pics of me in action anywhere and everywhere (and thanks to U.S. Ski Team member, Casey Larson, my selfie game is now STRONG). Let’s be clear here, too — I don’t do all of this for me, I do it for all of you — I feel like I owe it everyone to share this gifts. What can I say, I’m a giver.

    It should therefore come as no surprise that I am completely enthralled with the DJI Mavic Pro drone. It is simply amazing. It lets me get incredible shots of my favorite subject, me, and much, much more.

    One of the things that has gotten me very far in life is while I am incredibly talented (look no further than any of these amazing reviews), I am also quite self aware and have excellent visibility into my weaknesses. My buddy Zach Caldwell LOVES to point out even the most minor indiscretion in my ski preparation and while often nit-picky, he has a fair point: I’m not a great ski tech.

    In another publication for which I write, SlowTwitch, I recently made a video on how to convert a swim erg into a ski erg. As I noted in that text, my construction skills are probably about average, or as I put it in the article, “To do some level-setting here, I’m probably right about in the middle of the handyman spectrum: I have buddies who’ve built their own houses and I have friends who are bewildered as to how a toaster works — I am somewhere in-between. I have a decent set of tools and moderate experience with all of them, yet I’m also not above using my screwdriver handle as a hammer from time to time, in particular if it saves me a trip up and down the pesky stairs to the basement (don’t lie, we’ve all been there, I just own it).”

    So that’s me. What’s my point? I know when my skillz aren’t up to snuff and unlike the typical D-bag, Philly meathead who will drive around for an hour, refusing to admit that he’s lost (or voted for Trump, or got his ass kicked on a race to the top of the gondola), I will ask for the help of a professional when I need it. And I need help with getting drone footage.

    This column is all about recommending gear that is the best for any given application and this is a responsibility that I take very seriously, in particular since it is MY name on the byline. Since the ultimate goal is accurate, unbiased recommendations, though, I am not afraid to bring in experts. For most dudes in Philly, they view this as a weakness — they’d rather lie and get it wrong (just another reason to dislike Philly, but don’t get me started on that, as we’ll be here all day); I’d much rather ask for help and get it right.

    I did do my fair share of testing and I did give it the ol’ college try to get amazing footage. And to be clear, we had some near misses. For example, I was all ready to fire up some incredible footage of the SuperTour races in West Yellowstone, but it turns out that you actually need a permit for operating these things in National Parks. Who knew? (I think you can most assuredly guess who did not know this and who was briefly in hot water).

    My next swing and miss came at the FIS Nordic Combined Continental Cup races in my beloved Steamboat, Colorado. I was also ready to crush it here with several life-changing “edits,” (as the kids say), but I was needed on course to assist the U.S. Ski Team and I decided that it was in the best overall interest of our community if we had kick-ass results in the race (which we did), as opposed to killer drone footage of the race (which we don’t).

    Finally, and perhaps most importantly, tons of amazing videos already exist, so instead of me butchering the capabilities of this fine device, I am going to turn it over to my trusty, engineering nerd sidekick Jordan Rapp to show just how incredibly this thing can shoot:

    There is no dearth of other “randos” out there killing it either — do a quick search on the Google machine and you’ll find tons of breathtaking edits like this.

    So now back to one of the many areas in which I excel: annoying my patient readers with colorful yet often inappropriate, rambling anecdotes on gear usage and performance. Since this drone was a loaner, my first concern was that I’d crash it and then therefore have to buy it. Thankfully, this did not happen.

    Yes, you do need to read the instructions and since I was a bit more worried about crashing, I went so far as to watch a few “How To” vids on the Internets, something that I strongly recommend for you. I’d much rather watch other idiots crash their drone into powerlines than be that idiot. So with a very minimal investment on your part, you can “get the bird in the air” with relative ease. Do check out any local restrictions on flying it though, as apparently that isn’t entirely uncommon these days. Be smart, too — practice in BIG, OPEN, FIELDS before you attempt to document your Alley Cat race in Brooklyn.

    Once your skills are on point, you can even use this sucker for amazing indoor still-shots.

    Once you’re ready to take off the training wheels (er, wings?), you’re ready for prime time. Thankfully, most nordic skiing takes place in venues with somewhat limited obstacles, as by definition you are on trails. Once you are an accomplished pilot, you can fly on more wooded trails, but I advise you to proceed here with great caution. This drone has some super-slick, obstacle-avoidance features, but the absolute best obstacle avoidance feature is competent piloting, so don’t duck into the thick, twisty woods until you really have your act together. You’ve been warned.

    With all of those caveats duly noted, let’s talk about why this system is so good for nordic skiing. It almost goes without saying that skiing is one of the most technical athletic pursuits. I know World Cup skiers who have literally been doing this their entire lives at the very highest levels and even they still obsess about technique. So regardless of where you are on the learning curve, it’s safe to say that you still have more to learn (which, when you think about it, is part of the challenge. If you didn’t care about technique, you’d just race and bike and I think we’ve already covered the type of people who do that). The problem is how to do this: sure, you want to improve, but how?

    Good coaching is seemingly always in short supply, in particular if you are like me and you are verbally abusive to the people nice enough willing to help you (what can I say, I have issues). Attitudes like mine mean a lot of time alone. That’s not necessarily a bad thing though, as you can learn a lot by watching how you ski. And, if you are fortunate enough to have qualified people review your videos, well, the sky’s the limit (I mean this literally, too, for if you don’t pay attention, you will fly your drone off into the sky).

    If you’re not a completely self-absorbed narcissist (like me), you can also use this tool to help others, whether this be in a coaching or even parental capacity. As noted above though, PLEASE practice before you bring your drone down to the local race and do your homework with race officials, evil park overlords, and anyone else who might get pissed with a drone buzzing about — capturing races and training with the Mavic Pro is nothing short of extraordinary, just use good judgment.

    This is probably my favorite item on all of the lists this year — this thing kicks ass.

    $899 at DJI.com

     

    Fancy Pants Espresso Machine

    ECM Synchronika Espresso Machine: FBD pick for over $300

    I’m sure it comes as no surprise to all of you that I’m an amazing human. You’ve read the stories, you’ve seen the selfies and of course, you are appropriately impressed, but wait, there’s more. Did you know that I turn these columns around in a day? It’s true. While much of the gear testing starts severals weeks or even months in advance, the actual writing generally happens the night before deadline after a few Lime-A-Ritas.

    I’m bringing his up because I had this column all set to go to press when none other than Olympic biathlete and savant barista Jeremy Teela texted me to brag about his new espresso machine. Yup, that’s right, the same Teela that can’t work my simple, drip coffee maker threw down three thousand dollars to not be able to make coffee at his house. And this was too good a story to not report in more detail.

    Actually, there are several burning reasons why I feel compelled to include a $3,000 coffee machine — the first and most obvious of which is I don’t think you can put a price on how hilarious it will be to watch Teela unsuccessfully wrestle with this device. He just got it last night and I am literally giving very serious thought to driving over there today, even though it is a five-hour trip. I am convinced that it will be worth it.

    Next is, some of you may actually be thinking about one of these things: I know I consider this every time I have someone make coffee with this for me, but as soon as someone competent like Jordan Rapp reminds me of what is involved, that is usually the end of the debate for me until that is, the next time someone offers me one of these uber cups of coffee (to be clear, ‘uber,” as in slang expression for cool or super, as opposed to “Uber,” in a creepy, criminal, you-really-suck-at-running-your-business type of way).

    I also fully understand and acknowledge that very few of you are likely seriously considering this purchase, but like the trip to the Olympics, the $8,000 biathlon rifle and a few other “home runs,” I know a few of you really are considering these items and as always, I’m here to help.

    I’m going to come full-circle (well, it’s suppose it’s really more linear, if you want to be TECHnical (damn, I am good at this)) here as I’ve said THIS before and I’ll say it again, my readers are smart. And smart people do cool shit — they read interesting books, the have well-thought out points of view, they can carry on intelligent conversations on a wide variety of topics, and some of them, though certainly not all of them, like fancy coffee machines.

    It is also very important to note that I’m not doing the testing here, Teela is, and God only knows what is going to happen there. In all fairness, he does claim that he did his due diligence in research and as much as I hate to admit it, while Teela most certainly is a kook, he actually can be quite smart (in certain, VERY LIMITED areas, of which espresso machines MAY be one, I’ll tell you in a week or so), so who knows, this might actually be a good product — who the hell knows.

    But, if you are one of the three people in the studio audience pondering buying one of these counter-hogging monstrosities/money pits, hell, maybe you should consider buying this one. If you do, and by some stroke of luck you, unlike Teela, actually figure out how to use it, HMU — I’d love to cruise over for a cup of coffee.

    $2,899 on CliveCoffee.com

    If you are interested in this machine, DM me, as there is no way in hell that Teela will be able to use this correctly, so it will most likely be on Craig’s List very soon.
  • FasterSkier’s 12 Days of FBD Christmas: Day 9

    FasterSkier’s 12 Days of FBD Christmas: Day 9

    Editor’s note: For the second-straight year, we’re presenting another 12-day holiday gift guide, brought to you by the one and only “FBD”, our gear-review guru. See also: Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4 | Day 5 | Day 6 | Day 7 | Day 8

    ***

    Day 9: Travel

    Travel. Ah, travel. It’s how we get to places for skiing (unless you are incredibly fortunate enough to have skiing right in your backyard, in which case, count your blessings), racing, business trips (for some) and I suppose, from time to time, even normal person stuff. Even on its best day, when you are going to do something cool, in a place that’s cool, travel sucks. And it seems to only be getting worse.

    Air travel is now a glorified bus ride, only with less personal space and substantially less dignity. I’d rather do a stint in solitary confinement in a Mexican prison than fly cross-country in the middle seat on a budget airline. Long gone are the days in which men wore suits, women dresses, and flight attendants were not quietly plotting to slit your throat. Thanks to deregulation, fare wars and real wars, air travel has devolved into people in body fluid-caked sweat pants screaming obscenities in-between bites of a soggy, flaccid-looking Wendy’s burgers that they got after a 30-minute wait on Concourse C. The Viet Cong treated people better than the modern air travel experience.

    So what’s a girl to do? Drive? That’s for suckers and the Griswold family.

    Ride your bike? I rode my bike across the country several years ago and while it was awesome, it’s probably not the most time-efficient manner of travel, in particular in the winter. And that was before cell phones, so nowadays, thanks to distracted drivers, you’d probably be dead within 50 miles of your house.

    Walk? We’re not far from this being your best option.

    Thankfully, all is not lost, it just so happens that your boy FBD is a seasoned, cagey, travel ninja. Yup, I know all of the tips, tricks and secrets, and since I now consider anyone who has held on this long in our wonderful wordy and worldly journey together this year to be family (in the sense that I will be avoiding all of you for the holidays, and those of you that I will be forced to interact with, I will only do so with the crutch of liquor), I am going to share with you how to survive a flight in this day and age without wanting to either kill yourself, or my secret fantasy, murder every single one of the inconsiderate, loud, clueless idiots that will be rubbing their exposed leg blubber up against you for the next 5 hours.

    ***

    Under $29

    Foam Ear Plugs

    Hearos Ear Plugs: FBD pick for under $29

    Because yours truly is a bit of a science nerd (well, a LOT of a science nerd), I did some research on these life savers. And no Virginia, not only is there not a Santa Claus (like Trump’s view on climate change: he’s an elaborate myth, perpetrated by the Chinese), but there’s also not just one level of hearing protection with these little foam beauties. In fact, not only are there varying degrees of protection, but thanks to the Noise Reduction Rating (NRR), you can receive a quantitative assessment of the noise reduction properties of all brands, therein making comparisons to different companies quite simple.

    The main focus of this article today is on noise reduction for sleeping on airplanes, but many of these same principles and recommendations apply to all of you shooters out there (people shooting guns, not taking shots), or anyone regularly exposed to loud noises, whether occupationally or environmentally.

    Along these lines, it is important to note that good foam ear plugs can actually offer superior noise protection to the big, clunky, over-ear, wannabe DJ headphone dealies. I realize that there are applications for which those may be preferable, but if you’re looking for the best hearing protection/noise abatement possible, don’t assume that just because you have a larger, more complicated and expensive system, that it’s better. It may, in fact, be worse. What? (oldie but goodie, hearing joke from elementary school where I continue to spend the bulk of my time intellectually)

    But again, today we’re talking about sleeping on an airplane, in loud hotels, or maybe even, in an environment that we like to call, “Rock Bottom”. Please let me add that I hope to God than none of you are ever forced to endure the indignity of sharing a bed with Josh under any circumstances. Thankfully for all of you, I am having a hard time envisioning a scenario in which this problem could present itself, as Josh has very few friends, so the possibility of him having to go anywhere other than places to annoy me, is probably quite small. So you can breathe easy. Or easier, for sadly, as we all know, there are lots of “Josh Smullins” out there. Please allow me to get philosophical for a moment, aren’t we really all battling our own “Josh Smullins” in life? It’s like a very twisted, perverse Zombie Apocalypse, only with vicious, demanding nordic coaches, who are never satisfied with your arm angle at the finish, no matter how hard you try….

    The point here is that when God decides to punish you for the time you rounded your over-distance ski up three minutes to an even, three hours in your training log, when WE ALL KNOW that you only skied for 2 hours and 57 minutes, and you are forced to interact your very own Josh Smullin, you need to create as powerful and effective a sensory depravation tank as modern technology will allow.

    The best way to do this is to start with a pair of Hearos Foam Earplugs. Ridiculously inexpensive at about 26 cents a pair, these earplugs have the highest NRR of any earplug or earmuff. That’s right, these 26-cent pieces of foam are more effective than highly rated, $75 earmuffs. And they are more comfortable. Way more comfortable.

    With highly expandable foam, I can’t imagine an ear canal either too big or too small to achieve a good fit. This is important though, as some lower-quality earplugs can have fit issues, therein greatly reducing their effectiveness. (See graph below)

    So let’s recap: 26 cents each, the most-effective and cheapest product available, and it is a tremendously effective aid in helping you sleep. Please tell me again why you don’t have already have these?

    One hundred pairs for $26. You’d be crazy not to buy these. Hell, I’d gladly pay 100x this amount to forever silence all crying babies on airplanes. I’m getting myself worked up just thinking about this, let’s move on.

    $26.99 at Amazon

     

    Sleep Eye Mask

    Dream Essentials Escape Luxury Travel and Sleep Mask with Earplugs: FBD pick for under $29

    I wasn’t kidding when I said we were building the ultimate FU J-Smu Sensory Depravation Tank, or FUJSSDT (pronounced ‘Fooo-Ju-Sen-So-Do-Too), as we say around the shop. Thanks to our saviors over at Hearos, we can now no longer hear J-Smu (and if they can keep me from hearing Smullin, they really are heroes in my book). Now we’re getting somewhere.

    Next comes the problem of light — more specifically, how to get rid of it. Or to be technical, block it (hold those letters please, you physical-science geeks {we all know that the biological sciences RULE the hallowed halls of intellectual superiority. And please don’t even get me started on those computer-science trolls.})

    An appropriately sized antimatter chamber entombing your eyes and/or skull might be complicated, as would the proper placement of a Black Hole (easy, people…), so my advice is to go with the FBD favorite, the Dream Essentials Escape Luxury Travel and Sleep Mask.

    Vastly superior to the thin, crappy eye masks that the airlines give you, this mask is substantially thicker and wider, so only is the coverage superior, but the mask has two, recessed cavities, so your dainty little Bambi eyes won’t be molested with the vulgar grind of cotton on their precious lids. Best $20 you’ll ever spend, well, next to the Hearos.

    On the other hand, getting the sleep eye mask that makes it look like you think you’re a cat, has the tremendous upside of essentially guaranteeing that no one will mess with you while you’re asleep, as you’ll look certifiably insane. And flights attendants may perhaps regularly leave you saucers of milk. People may also refer to you with a derogatory slang term for a cat, but you’re a nordic skier, so you should be used to that by now: remember, you walk into the coffee shop in tights and a fanny pack filled with Gatorade — there’s nothing that you haven’t heard.

    $19.95 at Amazon

    ***

    $30 – $99

    Fisher Space Pen

    Fisher Clutch Space Pen: FBD pick for $30-$99

    Coming from a long line of scientists and engineers, I was probably destine for a career in science: whether it was the chemistry set I received at age 5, the trips to the Museum of Science in Industry in Chicago, or days building rockets and RC planes, science was in my blood (but NOT my DNA. Stop saying that, you corporate D-bags. “Customer service,” or “integration,” or whatever the hell else you wrote in your weekend mission-statement-writing retreat at the Four Seasons is NOT in your DNA. You know what is most likely in your corporate DNA? Greed and stupidity, so stop repeating this clapped-out expression. It does not make you look smart, insightful or clever. It makes it look like what it is — you are yet another corporate lackey, mindlessly parroting something he heard from an overpriced consultant.)

    Wow, where was I? Oh yes, my beloved science. For anyone even half-heartedly paying attention over the last few months (that’s how long this year’s column has been running, a few months, right?), it shouldn’t come as any surprise that one of my favorite gifts as a child remains something near and dear to my heart — a Fisher Space Pen. Founded in 1948, this American company has been producing high-quality writing implements for astronauts, field biologists, and anyone working in outdoor or difficult conditions.

    Wait, a PEN? All of the cool gear out there in the world and one of the selections to make the coveted FBD list is a frickin’ pen? Yup. Hang in there with me people. First of all, every good executive should always have a pen. Hell, even sh*tty workers should have pens —  you know why? To write sh*t down. Numerous research studies on memory and cognition have convincingly shown that writing things down greatly increases retention and recall. So to be safe, every one of you should be rewriting each and every one of these columns by hand. And to do this, you’re going to need a good pen.

    Next, I’ve spent my fair share of time in World Cup wax cabins and testing skis and every good tech not only has a pen and notebook, but guess where they’re taking notes? That’s right, out in wet, crappy conditions. And this is where this pen really hits its stride – writing on all sorts of surfaces in all sorts of weather. Whether you are jotting down which wax/grind combo is really running, or leaving a death threat on the windshield of the D-bag who parked you in at Whole Foods, a reliable pen is key. And this pen is not only reliable, but it will write on essentially any surface.

    As for specifically which pen you should get, I tested two and loved them both. The first, the Clutch Pen, was designed for oil-rig workers, so you’d better believe it can handle jotting down which grind is running. It’s easy to hold, even with gloves, writes beautifully in the wet (which will come in handy should it ever snow again), and will write on almost any surface, so when you lose your notebook, you can makes notes about your favorite top coat combinations on just about anything.

    Clutch Space Pen: $36.75 at SpacePen.com

    Fisher Trekker Space Pen: FBD pick for $30-$99

    The second, the Trekker, is smaller and more portable with a built-in key ring, so it is perfect for travel in your drink belt, race bag, or trying to survive at the bottom of a coach’s wax box, nestled between a broken pencil, a puddle of WD40, and an empty can of WD40 with a broken nozzle.

    Trekker Space Pen: $40 at SpacePen.com

    Pwolfgang keeps his handy at all times so he can make notes like, “Dear Pwolfgang, do not forget to eat an entire dozen raw eggs tomorrow. FBD just bought new carpet, so that’s probably the best place to do this as well. Love, Pwolfgang”
    No caption necessary for this one.
    With the addition of the pen, Pwolfgang has decided to try to completely reinvent himself

    You’re not going to go wrong with either model, but I’d get the small Trekker if you want something primarily for ski testing and travel, and the larger, Clutch, if you also want to use it in civilian life. You can also do custom engraving, which is perfect if you love yourself even half of much as I love me, as I never tire of seeing my own name.

     

    ***

    $100 – $299

    Gore Jacket

    Gore Bike Wear One 1985 GTX Shakedry Jacket (men’s): FBD pick for $100-$299
    When you have a jacket that is this packable yet still completely waterproof, you know you have a winner

    This may seem like a bit of a non-sequitur, but hang in there with me here — this is an amazing jacket. Its primary target usage is cycling, but it works equally well as a running jacket, or perhaps most importantly, why is fits so nicely in this category (see what I did there), is that it is one of the better, if not the best, “Wear on the street without looking like some Wannabe Euro Cycling Fanboy).

    Don’t get me wrong, first and foremost, it’s an amazing cycling jacket: it is very light and very packable, so it is my go-to “just in case” jacket all summer in Steamboat, where unexpected thunderstorms can sneak in with surprisingly speed and regularity. But I particularly love the fact that it can easily transition from morning run, to a few hours on the train, to, if I’d played my cards right, a nice p.m. cruise on my bike through the Swiss Alps. Part of being a travel ninja is being able to multipurpose all of your garments, so nothing makes the cut for the FBD overseas travel bag without being able to wear lots of hats. Except for, well, hats, which by definition, are already hats. Are you guys still with me? I hope so.

    $299.99 at Backcountry.com

     

    ***

    Over $300

    Noise-Cancelling Headphones

    Bose QuietComfort 35 wireless headphones II: FBD pick for over $300

    These bad boys are like Stanley Cup champion goal scorers, they are double-shifting and hitting all of their shots. Probably most obviously, as their name clearly implies, these are headphones that cancel out noise — no breaking news there. Also implicit in that moniker is assumption that they also play music. Check. These are all good things. But ready to turn it up a notch, to 11? You can “stack” (as the Philly meathead lifters like to say) these with Hearos for very restful slumber. That’s right — insert Hearos foam ear plugs into your ears, put the Bose noise-cancelling headphones into position, pop an Ambien, wash it down with two “Makers, rocks,” and next thing you know, it’s presto-chango, “Hello, Tokyo.” Sure, you’ll also likely wake up naked, in homemade handcuffs and leg restraints fashioned out of duct tape, shoe laces, and braided toilet paper, for your “incident” atop the drink cart, but hey, at least you are well-rested.

    Get the fancy Bose ones too: not only is the noise-cancelling better than Beats By Dre, but come on, you’re a mid-life crisis, white bread, Type-A Master Blaster aerobic machine. Act your age. Who do you think you are, Chuck D? (Look it up, grandpa.)

    This is not you.
    This IS you.

    $349.95 at Bose.com

     

    Pelican Rifle Case

    Pelican 1720 Case: FBD pick for over $300

    Yeah, yeah, I know, probably not all that many of you out there are biathletes (we need to change that, as biathlon is awesome, but that’s a topic for another day). But, as noted in Day 6  on Kick-Ass Gear, nordic skiers tend to be generally quite outdoorsy folks who hike, camp, fish and hunt, so if you fall into the category of the latter, you’re going to want a good rifle case and Pelican cases are one of the best.

    In addition to being incredibly impact-resistant, they are also waterproof (I hope to God that I never test this though). Having said that though, I had my checked bags soaked with deicing solvent a few years back, so this can indeed happen. Heaven forbid, should this even happen to you, this seems like one of those features that you’ll be REALLY glad that you have when the airline monkeys are spraying your rifle with noxious chemicals.

    Along the lines of more normal usage, multiple layers of protective foam allow you to make custom cutouts so you rifle can neatly and gently rest inside a cocoon of comfort. It also looks super pro, which is nice when you are flying out of hellholes like Philadelphia, where everyone always wants to get up in your grill over sh*t that’s clearly none of their business, so looking like you could be a sniper or some special opps guy most definitely has its advantages. Ride this wave of uncertainty until you can enshroud yourself in your FUJSSDT.

    $420 at Altius Handcrafted Firearms

    So Pro #SuckItTeela

     

    Trip to the Olympics

    Taking a trip to support some of our nation’s finest athletes at the pinnacle of international competition, the Olympics. What could possibly be more special and meaningful that than?

    Price: A lot

    Hassles: A lot

    #WorthIt

  • FasterSkier’s 12 Days of FBD Christmas: Day 8

    FasterSkier’s 12 Days of FBD Christmas: Day 8

    Editor’s note: For the second-straight year, we’re presenting another 12-day holiday gift guide, brought to you by the one and only “FBD”, our gear-review guru. Kicking the series off, recommendations for recovery gifts to keep you and your ski buddies on the trails and injury free. See also: Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4 | Day 5 | Day 6 | Day 7

    ***

    Day 8: Lighting Systems

    You’re going to see a bit of a theme today — lighting systems. I suppose that’s why today’s column is entitled, “Lighting Systems”. I’ve found that actually being able to see while skiing is a real plus, so today we’re going to “focus” (prepare yourself, too, as this is just one of many bad puns on vision and optics — I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m an unapologetic science geek) on how to safely navigate the tracks when The Man forces you out under the cover of darkness.

    Headlamps have come an amazingly long way in a relatively short period of time, as it seems like it was just yesterday that I was slogging along, lost in the mountains of Santa Monica at 3 a.m. in a 24-hour adventure race, with all of the headlamps on my entire team dead. We had backup lights with the approximate lumens of a candle and let me tell you, you learn a lot about how to handle your mountain bike when you are ripping down descents at 30 mph in the pitch black, after having already raced for 16 hours. It was right then and there that I decided that I would never be without a good headlamp again.

    So for a total gear nerd like me, headlamps are a total slam dunk, but what about for all of your “normals” out there (well, insomuch as any nordic skier is normal)? Let me ask you a few questions: Do you have power in your home? Does that power sometimes go out? Does it get dark where you live? Do you sometimes need/want to train at night? Do you think it is even remotely possible that you or a loved one could some day have a mechanical or some other issue with your car when it’s dark? If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, you need a headlamp, and a good one at that.

    I’ve probably own/have owned more than 30 of these over the years. I’ve bought them, won them in races, received them free when buying base layers in Switzerland, helped companies with product testing — you name it. Part of my love affair with this wonderful device stems from their utility: not only are these babies essential for ANY type of training in the winter when work demands and scarcity of daylight conspire to send me out in the dark (an all too frequent occurrence), but there’s also thrill of rediscovering trails that you’ve ridden literally thousands of times in daylight on your mountain bike that take on a completely different dimension in the dark. Then there’s also 24-hour racing. Or even just simply trying to commute home from your office at night without being killed by a distracted motorist. For many of us out there, fighting a good fight, frantically clinging to whatever shred of fitness that we’ve been able to carve out given our brutal work schedule, the bike commute can be the difference between getting in some training and doing nothing at all, and nighttime bike commuting simply cannot happen without a good lighting system.

    The list goes on and on: back when we used to get snow in the winter and I could pry Smullin away from shopping for disinfectant wipes in his mom jeans with his squad, we’d skin up the ski mountain at “O-Dark Thirty” on Dong Patrol (how Steamboat bros refer to Dawn Patrol, because it’s usually nothing but about 10 smelly dudes doing this) with nothing but our headlamp and shining personalities to light the way. For anyone who has ever spent any time with either myself or J-Smu, this obviously meant that we were quite reliant on the headlamps.

    Not to beleaguer this point (but, this IS my speciality), but this realm goes even beyond fitness applications. As noted above, if you’re trying to navigate your house after an all-too-frequent East Coast power outage, get your stupid Great Dane outside in the midst of yet another midnight bathroom emergency, or simply find your way from the very inconveniently placed wall switch to your bed in your pathetic West Yellowstone cabin (because any time that you can work Bugs Bunny into a story, you know you are doing something right) in your equally pathetic and largely futile attempt to get faster on your skis, headlamps are nothing short of essential. I have one in all of my cars, multiple in each home, and an extremely wide assortment for all of my various athletic endeavors. It is therefore with great pride that I present a wide array of options for essentially all of your needs.

    ***

    Under $29

    Combo hats/lights

    L.L.Bean Pathfinder LED Cap: FBD pick for $29 or less

    Squeaking in right under the $29 cutoff (at $29) are two of my favorite hats: the L.L. Bean Pathfinder series. There’s a ball cap and beanie option and quite frankly, you should buy both (it still gets dark in summer, remember, and please don’t be one of those beanie-wearing hipsters. Winter? Sure, rock the beanie. Summer? That’s ball-cap weather, you freakin’ weirdo. Please don’t be “that guy”).

    You are flaunting with this line when you wear a beanie in the summer. Do you want that? Of course not.

    Both of these hats are the ultimate dog-walking, evening-hiking, survive-the-walk-home-from-the-bar hats. With 48 lumens of light, either of these chapeaus will help you both see and been seen nicely.  As an added bonus, the entire lighting system is so well-hidden in the hat that it is essentially undetectable when not in use, so you can wear this hat on both the daylight walk to the bar and the nighttime walk home without looking like the gear geek that you are. On that latter point, though, not to worry, you’ll have the last laugh when your too-cool-for-school conventional headwear comrades twist an ankle on the obstacle that you neatly avoided.

    $29.95 at L.L. Bean

    Everyday Headlamps

    Petzl e+LITE: FBD pick for $29 or less

    Petzl is one of the big boys in the lighting game and they have many nice options, from a featherweight E+ light, to the more multipurpose Tikka, to the feature-rich Reactik +, and trust me when I say that you need one of these lights.

    As noted in my compelling, colorful, and comprehensive introduction, you don’t need a light, you need lights, with an ‘s’. (Just like, “It wasn’t a cop, it was cops, with an s’” at 7:30)

    Specifically designed for emergency use and featuring amazing long-term battery life for extended storage, the E+ is a steal at $30. You absolutely should have one of these (or its equivalent). I personally like to go for a bit more horsepower, but you at a bare minimum you should be equipped with one of these for every auto, home, and backcountry outing. They are small, light, cheap and even have a cool carrying case, making it extra easy to tuck away until you really need it. And when you need it, boy will you be glad you have it.

    $29.95 at Petzl.com

     

    ***

    $30 – $99

     

    More Everyday Headlamps

    Petzl Tikka headlamp: FBD pick for $30-$99

    Moving up the food chain is the Tikka. Petzl summarizes its utility nicely as, “a compact headlamp for proximity lighting and some movement.” With 200 lumens it’s not exactly going to light up the night sky, but it’s cheap, powerful, and versatile. Since I’m getting more and more lazy with each passing day, I’m going to again let Petzl describe it: “it is practical for outdoor activities like camping or trekking, or for traveling, and also for daily activities and projects around the house. The phosphorescent reflector helps you find it in the dark, and the red lighting prevents members of a group from blinding each other.”

    I’m lifting that description not just because I’m too bloated and apathetic to write (though that is certainly a big factor), but also because I find that description to be quite apt. This is my “go-to” light for the car, nightstand, kitchen utility drawer, etc. It’s not that much bigger than the E+, but it has four times the power and is thusly much more useful.

    $29.95 at Petzl.com

     

    ***

    $100 – $299

     

    One More Everyday Headlamp

    Petzl Reactik + : FBD pick for $100-$299

    Finally, the one sent to me by Petzl (that’s right I bought the rest of these with my own, hard-earned money, because that’s just how dedicated I am to making you very needy people happy) was the Reactik +. This lamp has 300 lumens of power and that’s a noticeable improvement over the two models described above. It it also programmable, has the option to run on disposable or rechargeable batts, and features several lighting modes.

    Overall, this is also a great light, but is it bright enough for skiing? In my opinion, no. It will work in a pinch or maybe if you’re on tracks that have some other ambient light, but to be perfectly blunt, this light sort of finds itself in that dreaded “no man’s land” of kinda bright, but kinda not. Somewhat cheap, but not really. I used it on a few skis and it is most certainly better than nothing, but my advice is to get a few Tikkas for “everyday” use, then buck up for one of the big boys that we’ll talk about in a second for skiing.

    $109.95 on Petzl.com

     

    Skiing Headlamp 

    Lupine 2018 Neo X2 SmartCore Headlamp System: FBD pick for $100-$299

    Here is where the story gets good. If you want to do anything active at night (nah….too easy), you’re going to want to buy one of the two lights that I’m about to describe. Both are made by a relatively small company in Germany called Lupine, and as you might expect from a German company, these are exquisitely designed, engineered, and meticulously machined pieces of equipment.

    Option one is the Neo. This is probably one of the best all-around lights that I have ever used. It has 900 lumens of light, which is quite frankly amazing. To put that in perspective, this is three times as much light the the fanciest Petzl that we tested. That’s a lot. As you can see from this video, my test team and I were able to ski around on pitch-black trails at 9,000 feet and see every single nook, cranny and turn (not to be confused with kooks, trannies and burns, which is a completely different discussion altogether).

    Overall, it’s just a very well-thought-out light. It has a diffuser, so you can use it inside a tent, car, or house, without blinding everyone around you, and this is also good if you are alone but you need more moderate, even light: think of it as a lens cover that converts a spotlight to a more general, “room” light. This adaptor is also available in green, which has the advantage of making it easier for your eyes to maintain their night vision.

    You can also order all sorts of mounting options and accessories for handlebars, helmets, headbands and probably anything else that starts with a ‘h.” I love this light. Does it cost more than the Petzl? Yes, but if you ski, run, or ride more than once or twice per year at night, this light is well worth the money. Going head to head on the trails at night, it wasn’t even close between these two systems.

    $275 on LupineNorthAmerica.com

     

    ***

    Over $300

    The Ultimate Sports Headlamp

    Lupine 2018 Piko 4 Helmet Light System: FBD pick for over $300

    You’ve undoubted heard the trite cliche, “Go big or go home,” but what if your light has conked out and you can’t make it home? Enter the Big Daddy of all lighting systems, the Lupine Piko 4. How big is this daddy? How about 1,800 lumens big? How does that grab you? Er…..light you? Hmm, that sounds weird, too. Let’s come back to this later.

    How big? This big.

    In short, this thing is the sh*t. It’s got 1,800 lumens and yes, I know, I’ve already said that, but that is so substantial I believe it merits repeating. Why? Glad you asked.

    First of all and most obviously, this means that when you need to, you can paint the sky (or trail or road or whatever) with a super clean, wide beam of light. Since this is a pricey recommendation, I wanted to be sure I was fully on point with this system, so I did a some testing with the whole Lupine tech team. They gave me an earful on the different wavelengths of light that they are using as compared to their competitors, making the beam on Lupine lights much “cleaner.” There’s some really cool research out there this issue, but it can make for some pretty heavy reading, so suffice it to say that our testing backed up their claims. While we didn’t see as big of a difference among all of the brands (we have a few others in there for comparison as well) on dirt trails or even the road, where this was very noticeable was on snow. The beam from the Piko is wide, brighter than hell and about as close to skiing in daylight as any system that I have ever tested. It’s that good.

    But wait, there’s more. What I really love about this light is that in typical German engineering fashion, those crafty Krauts have thought of everything. First up is the fact that there is a visible battery life indicator on the back of the battery pack:

    Battery status indicator. Why doesn’t every headlamp have this?

    This is huge, as I can’t tell you the number of times that I was skiing home from work in Switzerland thinking, “I wonder if my light is going to last the whole way home.” Sometimes it did and sometimes it didn’t, and for those of you out there who’ve had this happen, you know firsthand that this is a real drag: your ski becomes more of a long, cold, slow walk, which is frustrating at many levels.

    Next, this battery life gauge can also double as a tail light, so if you’re using this light as a headlamp for cycling, in a pinch you can forgo a dedicated tail light (I don’t recommend this AT ALL, but it’s nice to have this option in case of emergency or if your dedicated taillight fails, or most importantly, as just one more thing to keep you from getting run over.) So I love the utility but also the foresight (see, I warned you there were going to be a lot of these bad puns).

    Speaking of cycling, another thing that I really love about this light is its versatility. This light can literally be the only light in your quiver (I also don’t recommend this, as are you going to always remember to have it in your car, your nightstand, etc? Of course not. Spend $29 Ebenezer Scrooge on a few backups), as it is so bright that it can also serve at your only light for night riding on technical mountain bike trails, remote road rides, or even just regular nighttime bike commuting. As is the case for the Neo, Lupine has a slew of handlebar, helmet, and headband mounts, so this light can very seamlessly move from head to helmet to bars and back again, all within seconds.

    As if that weren’t enough the ‘R’ in Piko R stands for remote, so yes, this system also comes with a Bluetooth remote control. The funny thing here is that when I received my initial giant pile of parts from Lupine, I very quickly sifted though the menagerie and immediate create two piles, “What I need,” and “What I don’t.” Since the primary emphasis of this portion of the review is on  skiing, it was my contention that a Bluetooth remote wrist strap was going to be largely superfluous. And as usual, for skiing, I was correct.

    Where I probably would have missed the boat on this, however, was in the incredible utility of the remote for cycling — even for the bar-mount configuration, but in particular for the helmet-mount option, the remote proved to be amazing.

    Every day I was out testing the gravel bike shown in Day 6, I wanted to put the bike through its paces on many different riding surfaces and daylight conditions. On the road when the sun was still up, I had the light in strobe mode to keep me from being killed by clueless and inconsiderate motorists. Once it started to get dark on the trails, I had’er on “Full burn,” as this was very technical riding, then finally on the commute home, I toggled it back to the medium setting to increase battery life and not blind oncoming cars. In reality, I toggled between all of these options a few times, so being able to do so at the touch of a button on the remote conveniently mounted on my hoods ala Campy Ergo shifting style was awesome.

    I also did a few after-work, early evening transitioning into full darkness trail runs and again, the light was simply incredible. The fact that you have such a high top end is useful for more than just the obvious reasons, too, as such a high-power ceiling means that you can dial it back to a more “medium setting” (a very relative term) and still have way more candlepower than almost any other light does on full-send. This means a brighter light AND longer run times, which is the Holy Grail of headlamps.

    While this is most definitely an expensive light, where the Piko really shines (sorry), is not only it’s total 1,800 lumen output, but also in its ratios. Its lumen/dollar ratio is extraordinary (5.4 lm/$, as compared to 3.27 lm/$ for the Neo and 3.0 lm/$ for the Petzl), it’s lumen/weight (32.7 lm/g) ratio is also amazing, so not only does it offer the most power at essentially the same weight, it is also the best value.

    To put it bluntly, if I could only have one light, it would be this one. It’s little brother, the Neo, is great for skiing and still an amazing light, but for basically no more weight and just a little more dough-ray-me, you can use this light and this light alone for commuting, road riding, trail riding, skiing and of course, general all-around use. The fact that it is light enough to be worn as a headlamp, yet powerful enough to literally be your ONLY light for night mountain bike rides really is nothing short of incredible.

    In summary, if you only need something to stick in your drink belt in case you slightly misjudge sunset and only occasionally get caught in the dark for the last few minutes of your ski, or, if you are like me and are both very gullible and very susceptible to peer-pressure and can therefore very easily be shamed into going for a much longer ski than you originally planned (we call this the J-Smu ski of shame), you should be able to limp back to the car with any of the Petzls with no problem. These are also very economical, excellent all-around lights for more stationary activities, you know, like writing letters (I will mail one America dollar to the first person who understands and appreciates that hilarious pun).

    If you’re even a somewhat regular NND (Nighttime Nor-Dork), then you definitely need to go with the Lupine Neo at the very minimum and the Piko if you can afford it (or even better, shame someone else into buying it for you. Yes, I know, lots of ‘shame’ references in today’s column, but isn’t that what the holiday are all about, shame? And skiing. And in the best of all possible worlds, Dr. Pangloss, shame skiing.

    And finally, for all of you fellow gear-maximalists out there, you know that you need the Piko, as that mo-fo rocks. You can crush the trails, the tracks and the roads and you’ll be glad you bucked up the extra hundy each and every night that you’re out there.

    $335 on LupineNorthAmerica.com

  • FasterSkier’s 12 Days of FBD Christmas: Day 6

    FasterSkier’s 12 Days of FBD Christmas: Day 6

    Editor’s note: For the second-straight year, we’re presenting another 12-day holiday gift guide, brought to you by the one and only “FBD”, our gear-review guru. Kicking the series off, recommendations for recovery gifts to keep you and your ski buddies on the trails and injury free. See also: Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4| Day 5

    ***

    Day 6: Kick-Ass Gear 

    There is gear and then there is kick-ass gear. You know what I’m talking about — that backpack that you got in college, have taken all over the world, and is still going strong? Those skis that always seem to do well in testing despite getting “a little long in the tooth.” Your lucky “windies,” the wind briefs that have help guide you to many a race win? The list goes on and on. Part of what elevates gear to this elite status is literally years of high performance and reliability, but hey, ya gotta to start somewhere, so in today’s installment of this seemingly pointless, rambling series, I am highlighting some of my personal favorites that I think have the potential to “go the distance” and end up on the coveted FBD all-star gear list.

    ***

    Under $30 

    While some of you lesser-informed readers may have pigeon-holed me (and please NOT in the Urban Dictionary fashion, as it is hard enough keeping my car clean as it is) as a high-maintenance, metrosexual pretty boy who wouldn’t dirty his hands with anything that’s not carbonfibre (yes, the snobby, arrogant Euro spelling is by design), made in Europe (preferably Switzerland for watches, Germany for cars and France for skis), or only available through my Skull-and-Bones-style network of elite illuminati, and quite frankly, in most instances you would be correct. What can I say, I like nice stuff.

    But, did you know that there is also a hard-scrabble, man-of-the-people, street-smart side of FBD, capable of living for weeks at a time in a secluded cabin in remote Montana, living off the land, with only his acerbic wit and quick thinking to keep him alive? It’s true. This wily veteran of minimalist living can survive for minutes or perhaps even hours without concierge service, Whole Foods and his own private ski technician (well, maybe days in the case of the latter example, as my lanky ass was getting in “mad k’s,” as the kids say. For the uninformed, I’m not talking about losing your temper in K-Mart, I’m referring to skiing long distances in many consecutive sessions. Don’t worry, this confused me for the first few years that I heard it too.)

    Sewing Awl

    Speedy Stitcher Sewing Awl Kit: FBD pick for under $29

    So with these caveats and conditions duly noted, it is with great pleasure that I offer today’s first suggestion, a sewing awl. No not an awl, as it, Awwww….SNAP, though that would be funny, (albeit hard to sell), no, rather an awl, as in a very utilitarian, gear-repair, ass-saving, sewing tool.

    There is nothing fancy about the Speedy Stitcher sewing awl, but it is a life saver, certainly figuratively and perhaps even literally. While it is basically just a heavy gauge sewing needle, handle and thread, it is extremely well-designed, very heavy duty and very portable. If you are smart enough to bring it with you, it can tackle breakage problems that if not resolved, could be inconvenient in the best case and disastrous in the worst.

    For example, I have used it to repair hiking boots way, way, way out in the middle of nowhere, a biathlon harness at 11 p.m. the night before a race in Granby, Colorado, a hard-case bike box strap that would have otherwise required replacing the entire case to the tune of $500, and a tent sidewall that my idiot friend kicked apart with his crampons after we SPECIFICALLY told him to not wear his crampons past the tent atrium? Why? Because kicking a hole in your tent in the middle of winter can have disastrous consequences, because it is cold in the mountains in the winter. (Why is it that every crew always has that stupid friend? Psychologists out there, please look into this and report back). And this is only a partial list.

    Why is it that every adventure, team, or road trip always has “this guy?”

    This amazing tool has been around since 1909 (with packaging that looks like it hasn’t changed since that time) and it can fix essentially any soft good, or in the very least give you a fighting chance of limping home. In some cases, in particular once you get good at sewing (and no, I’m not joking here), your field repair can last for years. I’ve been going strong on the bike-box strap repair that I made six years ago, with no end in sight. For this to apply to you though, take the time to read the instructions and properly learn how to sew.

    I’m not kidding. It completely defeats the purpose of bringing this tool along (or any tool, for that matter), if you don’t know how to use it correctly. In fact, doing this make you an even bigger tool. So, with that said, buy it, learn how to use it, practice with it, and you’ll be amazed at how often it comes in handy. Seriously. I’ve probably make 2 – 5 repairs per year for the past 15 years on stuff that would otherwise have been ruined: winter gear, summer gear, dog gear, automotive gear, clothes, you name it. I absolutely love this thing.

    $21.99 at Ace (the place with the helpful hardware man (sexist bastards))

     

    Protect Our Winters Donation

    Protect Our Winters donation: FBD pick for any amount

     

    This was on the list last year, it is in the list this year, and it will be on the list every year until the day I die, completely go off the deep end or am fired by FasterSkier in a blaze of glory (all of which could literally be moments away). This item is “a lock” on the list for the simple reason that it is an incredible cause. Yes, there are lots of great causes out there, nonprofits that benefit biomedical research, a wide variety of social programs, and even broader environmental concerns, but this is a ski publication, so while I certainly don’t want you to give any less to any of those other, very worthy issues, hopefully you can find it in your heart and your pocketbook to also support Protect Our Winters. You all know why, so no need to soapbox it any further here.

    Do the right thing for as much as you can afford to give.

    Or give it as a gift in the name of someone to stupid or stubborn to admit that climate change is a massive, massive problem. You know who you are.

    Donate any amount on ProtectOurWinters.org

     

    ***

    $30 – $100

    Portable Coffee Grinder

    Porlex Mini Stainless Steel Coffee Grinder: FBD pick for $30-$100

    Ah, coffee, the elixir of the gods. None of these columns would even be remotely possible without caffeine and I know I’m not alone here. Some of you might think that the absence of these columns might be a good thing, but deep down you know that you secretly love each and every one of these carefully chosen words.

    In addition to this miracle compound of caffeine helping to lessen my urges to kill every moron who can’t seem to grasp the RIDICULOUSLY SIMPLE process of loading and unloading an airplane, it also has documented ergogenic properties. Chances are you will ski longer, harder and faster with the pre-rip Peet’s infusion. But wait, there’s more —  it’s a great gateway for actually interacting with real, live humans in person (as opposed to over your phone) for the socially awkward, which in the nordic community, is just about all of you.

    So if the thought of asking out a an actual, living, breathing female (not an avatar, emoji or whatever other weird digital analog the kids today have for real girls) to dinner immediately triggers your Cliff Clavin “hysterical blindness,” easing into a potential sexual encounter with the vastly less threatening offer to sit with a girl for 20 minutes at 3 in the afternoon on a Tuesday in an alcove by the cash registers at the grocery store may be for you.

    Be forewarned however, the lure of faster race splits and perhaps even the tacit acknowledgements of an attractive member of the opposite sex is a bit risky, as once you “take a ride on the brown pony,” (there’s nothing sexual in this one, so get your mind out of the gutter, you perverts), there’s no going back. I’m talking about having a cup of coffee before you go skiing, as opposed to a life of heroin addiction. Regardless, all of you will want and some of you will NEED coffee in the morning. Driving to Starbucks each day is for housewives in Mercedes SUVs in affluent suburbs, so man-up (or “woman-up”) and make your own coffee.

    As you all know, no one is lazier than the FBD, so I have the most streamlined and efficient coffee-preparation operation known to man. It is configured and mostly completed the night before, so when the morning rolls around, I’m on my way to coffee-pound town (again, nothing sexual here, you monsters, but probably best if you don’t Google this one) in a matter of minutes, if not seconds. Sure, my coffee machine in Steamboat has slain many the accomplished skier, but guys like Jeremy Teela gained notoriety from their skiing, not their deductive reasoning skills. And no, Teela never did figure out how to correctly operate that machine, whereas I, on the other hand, was victoriously sipping from an expresso at his house within seconds after exposure to his substantially more complicated machine. Hold that though. More on this later.

    For whatever reason, probably because I enjoy spending time with interesting people, I somehow seem to gravitate to “coffee snobs.” Don’t get me wrong, they’re all great people, but without fail, almost all of them are willing to invest 2 – 3 hours each morning for the perfect cup of Joe. I, on the other hand, have no problem stopping at the gas station, if necessary, for my morning beverage of choice. That, and a nice cold glass of water, ah, that’s some fine living, people.

    Case in point, my good buddy Jordan Rapp. Jordan is a professional triathlete: six-time Ironman winner, ITU long-distance world champion, and one of the most driven, determined baristas that I have ever met. In our travels across Europe this past summer, he brought approximately 500 lbs of gear, 450 of which I am convinced was involved in coffee preparation in some way, shape or form.

    Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining here, far from it, as I love this situation — he does all of the work and I get to drink great coffee. Everyone wins. All of I have to do is carry 3/4 of all of his heavy crap through all of the train stations. Since FBD is a big, powerful, man, this seems like a fair trade.

    So how does Princeton-educated engineer, Mr. Rapp, start this ridiculously involved and intricate process? With the Porlex Mini bean grinder. I’m not even going to bother to go into the theory on why you need to grind your own beans, because you’re either in this camp or you’re not. If you’re, “one of THOSE people,” you’ve already drank the Kool-Aid and you’re only going to get mad at me because no matter how thorough my explanation, I will undoubtedly leave out some key detail that you perceive to be crucial in this analysis. And if you’re on the other side of the fence, we’ll call this group, oh, I don’t know, “normal people,” well then you’re not going to start grinding your own beans simply based on some long-winded diatribe (in particular one from a smart-aleck nordic skier). For all of you people, MY people, I’ll see you at the gas station. Please try to not backwash the dirty carafe of two-day old muck that they call coffee, either, as I have intervals later and DADDY NEEDS SOME JUICE and I hate germs.

    Back to the nerd group: whatever formidable childhood experience that fostered your now firmly cemented coffee OCD, you’d sooner die than prepare coffee with pre-ground beans, but you’re in Norway, preparing to race: now what? Are you sentenced to a life of eternal damnation with pre-ground beans? Not so fast, it’s J-Rapp to the rescue. JR doesn’t leave home without not just a portable coffee grinder, but also what he is convinced is THE BEST portable coffee grinder, the Porlex Mini. I have to confess, it did work well and the coffee was delicious, and he’s not alone, for as he was extolling the virtues of this system in an extremely long-winded soliloquy, being a fellow scientist, he naturally also had reams of research and supporting data, not to mention social feeds from two different World Cup racers also using the very same grinder, so as much as I hate to admit it, Jordan’s probably correct.

    Here’s the best part, though. When I hit up Jordan to see if he’d make a funny video for me about using the grinder, he sent one back in 30 seconds. Not because he’s that fast at making videos (which he often is), but due to the fact that he had already made one. You know you are really committed to your coffee preparation when you are walking around with a video of you making coffee on your phone. Man, I love that dude.

    https://vimeo.com/188432750

    I personally would have liked to see more footage of my boy JR, just because he’s a super smart and funny dude, but mainly because he believes that my Great Dane is his spirit animal, which makes me laugh every time of think of it. Please note, too, he measures his coffee on a digital scale, a goddamn DIGITAL SCALE. You can’t make this shit up.

    For extensive reviews and much, much, more, you’re going to want to check out www.grindr.com, you’ll learn more about “grinding” than you ever thought possible.

    $65 on Amazon

     

    ***

    $100 – $300

    Face Shield

    Casco flip-up visor: FBD pick for $100-$299

    Just as in the dog-eat-dog world of coffee preparation, there are two schools of thought for nordic eye protection: shades and shields. Most Nordorks would probably say that shades look cooler – there certainly are many more styles to choose from, but ask any athlete who’s had a race on a very snowy, rainy, or foggy day — in these conditions you simply cannot beat a shield.

    The shield is often the weapon of choice for biathletes in all conditions, too, as it is substantially easier to flip up and out of the way for shooing. If you’re a biathlete, you’ve probably already figured that out by now, but maybe you suck and you haven’t, or you simply are fine with growing roots on the mat. Either scenario is fine by me: it’s your funeral.

    Regardless if your nordic racing and training involves skiing around with a rifle or the vastly easier non-rifle version (I can’t recall if they have a name for this), you’ll want a shield if it is sloppy out — shields come in a bunch of different tints, sizes, styles and colors and most importantly, fog way less easily. My boy, and former U.S. Birkie winner Matt Liebsch (or “Leaper,” as he likes to be called), swears by the shield, as does the first family of U.S. Masters Biathlon, Marc, SJ and Thor Sheppard.

    The family that can see what they are shooting, stays together, or something like that. Multiple World Masters medal winners (from left to right) Marc, Thor and SJ Sheppard rocking the shield — (I know, this sounds like a bad 70’s cop show, but trust me on this one).

    Visors starting at $119 at Altius Handcrafted Firearms

     

    ***

    Over $300

    Winter sleeping bag

    Big Agnes sleeping bag: FBD pick for over $300

    Another reason why this day is another one of my favorite days (this column, not Friday), is I love being unshackled and let loose completely unrestrained. Even I can only write so much about base layers, wax, and gloves, but give me longer enough lever arm, a place to stand, and a green light to opine about all sorts of gear, and I will move the world. Or annoy it. It really could go either way. There point here is that there is a lot of other great gear out there that you need to hear about – somebody needs to put their foot down and that foot is me.

    I get around (no, not in that manner you might be thinking, as most of the members of the fairer sex seem to find me repulsive). I “get around” in the sense that I both host and am hosted my many members of the nordic community. I love “paying it forward,” as I did more than my fair share of couch surfing in my elite rowing days and it is my pleasure to do my best to somehow attempt to replenish the karmic pool of good will.

    With the exception of my good buddy Aaron Scott, (or A-A-Ron, as he is known around the biathlon range), who has earned the wonderful moniker as “America’s Guest,” due to his propensity for frequent and last-minute homestays, I crash in enough homes to rival Dr. Scott in my volume and frequency of spare bedroom time (though my track record of alienating my friends’ significant others is unmatched. Yes, my ability to agitate even the nicest people truly is a gift. I’m like the Michael Jordan of annoying house guests. And that’s even without the Great Dane. He takes that game to a whole new level. Together, we are a juggernaut. But after all, isn’t what life is all about, teamwork?)

    I may have left a few dishes in the sink “back in the day” in my period of elite athletics, blissful unemployment, and lack of any permanent mailing address, but I am regaining good karma points at light speed with the U.S. Nordic Combined crew at my house right now.

    The point to all of this is that in planning my early season racing calendar for this year, I was inquiring about the availability of my trusty post-West Yellowstone Ski Festival spare bed at my buddy’s house in Bozeman. Being perhaps one of the nicest people I know (and crackerjack smoothie chef), KJ immediate agreed and even offered to serve up perennial favorite FBD post-race meal of tacos, with the caveat that the house would be empty on my arrival, as the whole Jacobsen family was going camping.

    This got me thinking (something I generally do my best to avoid, as is painfully evident by my generally very labored prose), that the nordic community does much more than just nordic ski. Almost every nordic skier I know also loves to go out and hit the alpine slopes, camp, hike, hunt, fish, bike, run, you name it. Probably one of the things that I enjoy most about my line of “work” (and yes, yes, I’m using this term very loosely, as I what I do can barely be considered work), is the camaraderie of the nordic community. This is a community that enjoys the great out-of-doors in many different capacities (better get out there fast too, as Trump is try to giving it all away to oil, gas and mining companies unless we ALL do something).

    Sure, we all nordic ski, but the very nature of this sport seems to attract those that also just love being outside and doing cool stuff. So, if you’re outside all day doing cool stuff, you’re not going to last for very long if you’re not getting good sleep, which brings me to the issue at hand — winter sleeping bags.

    I told you earlier we’d get back to busting on Jeremy Teela, and I would never let you down on a topic as important as this. Jeremy Teela is a three-time Olympic biathlete and up until Lowell Bailey’s very strong eighth place in Sochi, Teela had the top all-time Olympic finish of any U.S. biathlete. Teela is a great dude and a great friend, but well, he has some issues. For example, when you have breakfast his house and request coffee with cream and sugar, his reply is, “Ah, you want the full b*tch kit.” I made this “mistake” (insomuch as asking for cream and sugar in coffee can be considered a mistake) years ago and I’ve yet to live this down. I bring this up now because when I asked Big Agnes to send a winter sleeping bag for testing, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that I received the “full b*tch kit”: bag, pad, pillow, and magical inflation device.

    “Full b*tch kit” being prepared for testing. And no, this photo was not staged, this is really how I live. Perhaps it is not just Teela who has issues.

    The bag that the fine folks at Big Agnes sent was amazing in every way: light, warm, compressible and even when it’s wet (more on this later). It wasn’t just that bag that impressed me either, it was also all of the accoutrements.

    Since contrary to what you may have heard or read, I am an AMAZING house guest, KJ and his lovely wife were very interested in all of the gear that I was reviewing for this year’s wonderful and what appears to be endless journey. She is from Alaska and he’s a touch Montana boy from way, back, so they are no strangers to hunting, fishing and winter camping in even the nastiest of conditions, so when I said that the Big Agnes (BA) bag was one of my favorites out of more than 200 pieces of gear that I reviewed for this series (Yup, you read that correctly, 200+, you’re welcome), not only were they intrigued, but they also offered up their own, unsolicited story about Big Agnes.

    Apparently they had two sleeping pads that gave up the ghost when they were traveling around Europe last summer, and despite the fact that they had owned them for years and they had logged lots of miles, they said BA replaced them with brand-new versions, no questions asked. KJ and Robin were incredibly impressed, as was I.

    I start testing products several months or even several years in advance, because I am a very, very lonely man, but also because I want to be thorough. Gear is expensive and due to the shifting and declining revenues for periodicals of all types, genuine, unbiased reviews are going the way of intelligence and civility in politics and our beloved snowpack — vanishing.

    It is for this reason that despite my many wisecracks, I really do take this job seriously, as I consider myself the Obi Wan Kenobi of gear review. That’s right people, I am your only hope.

    “Hurry Captain, shoot down whoever you need to, FBD needs CHEESE.”

    Given the very nature of my role, however, one of the components of the overall process for which I always wish I had more insight is customer service. Since I am now a VERY big deal, almost all of the companies roll out the red carpet for me. Don’t get me wrong, I like getting my ass kissed as much (or probably more) as the next guy, but one downside of this VIP treatment is that I sometimes wonder if I don’t see what the average customers sees. If I have a problem, a fleeting of matching black Cobra attack helicopters immediately airdrops a new version of the product in question to my door, completely with a courtesy basket full of bonbons and an exotic assortment of artisan meats and cheeses. Exactly as it should be, too, btw, so keep those biking-clad heli pilots bearing gifts coming, that frickin’ cabin in Montana is cold and lonely and the freakin’ crappy grocery store is miles away, which gets old, fast, when you’re on foot patrol for three weeks. My point, however, is that it is extremely encouraging to hear unbiassed, objective feedback from “real people” who don’t have any skin in the game, other than the fact that they want to keep their skin. When people I know and trust tell me that customer service from a company is commendable, that absolutely merits me passing it along.

    As for the bag itself, it also kicked ass. It was very comfortable in relatively cold Montana weather (low of minus 4), as well as VERY damp, nasty, typical East Coast winter weather (15 degrees, with about 200 percent humidity) and in the slightly more moderate, but very dry Colorado weather (a crisp 20 degrees). That is only part of the story, however, as while bag performance is key, part of what made the bag perform so well were its accessories.

    For starters, the bag has a sleeve on the bottom that holds the sleeping pad in place perfectly. While this sounds minor, I can assure you that rolling off your sleeping pad onto the cold tent floor is a deal-breaker, so this innovation is ground-breaking, er, ground-warming, er, keeping-your-bag-off-the-ground-ing-which-makes-it-warmer-ing?

    All the components of a Big Agnes System Sleeping Bag

    Other clever touches are their combo dry bag/sleeping pad inflator, which allows those with meager lung capacity (like Smullin) to inflate the pad and pillow by merely waving around the bag to fill it with air, then squeezing the air into the pad and/or pillow. Sure, Josh’s bird-arms will likely give out quickly waving around a six-ounce bag, but with ample sets, combined with frequents and extensive rest periods, I am confident that even he could eventually accomplish this very simply task. For all of you in the studio audience that can curl anything more than 5 lbs two times, you’ll have this done in under a minute and will be fresh as a daisy to start grinding me coffee.

    As much as I love Big Agnes, I feel duty bound to advise again their two-person bag, though, as while this might sound great idea for newlyweds or passionate young couples who haven’t grown to despise the sight of each other yet, word on the street is that this bag has been coined, “the relationship ender.” You’ve been warned.

    Where relationships go to die.

     

     

    Starting at $189.95 at Big Agnes

     

    OPEN Gravel Bike

    OPEN U.P. gravel bike: FBD pick for over $300

     

    In another, alternate universe, I create thoughtfully crafted, considerate, caring gear reviews for our colleagues across the aisle in the endurance sports community: triathletes.

    I am of course kidding, as I harbor even more spite and resentment for this group of Type A nerds than I do for the nordic community, which is saying something. If there was one group of individuals more afraid of women, germs, and overall more adverse to following social norms and acceptable public behavior (all of you wearing your Speedos or bike kit in the grocery store have a place waiting for you in hell), it’s these guys. Spend even one hour in Kona in the week before the IM World Champs and you’ll immediately see my point.

    The upside of being forced to deal with these kooks is that I get to test a lot of cool bikes, which is what we’re talking about now.

    Bikes? In a FS gear review? What gives, FBD? Stick with me on this — my thinking here is that  inherent in any nordic skier’s life is summer training, something that thanks to years of poor leadership and vision, combined with the current abysmal leadership and vision, is quickly turning into a major component of our year.

    One can’t help but wonder if we are ever going to be able to undo the damage that we’ve already done to our planet and if reliable snowpack won’t be changed or perhaps even lost forever. The sad reality here is that our summer season is getting longer and our winter season is getting shorter. Hopefully everyone out there will get involved and demand change (remember, you get the government that you deserve) and we can at least stop any further damage. Regardless, the hard, cold truth (well, now moderate temperature truth), is that longer summers and shorter winters are here to stay. This all means more time on the bike.

    One of my pet projects (as opposed to just one of my many pets) this past summer was testing gravel bikes. I’m not gonna lie, I entered this project with a healthy dose of skepticism, as this kinda seemed like one of the notorious bike industry “flavors of the month.” Given that fact that it is increasingly difficult to improve on the already extremely efficient design of the bicycle, this industry constantly grapples with ways to increase sales and drive demand. More often than not, these efforts are somewhat meaningless. So with this beautiful bias firmly cemented in my mind, I set out to test some gravel bikes. And they were awesome.

    Taking the Open Upper out for a rip with the crew from Lupine lights. More on the latter shortly.

    At the top of the heap (bike joke for all of you losers who don’t have the silky smooth bike handling skillz of the FBD), is a wonderful whip from a (kinda) new kid on the block, OPEN Cycle. Open was started by the big guys behind Cervelo, Gerard Vroomen and Andy Kessler. Their extensive experience and success in the bike industry was immediately evident as this bike is incredible. I had the good fortune to put it through its paces on all sorts of trails, road, and paths, and I struggle to find anything critical to write — this is really saying something, too, as I am one of those people with the gift of being able to find something critical to say about EVERYTHING.

    The bike is light, responsive and incredible versatile. You can outfit it with slicks for road riding, 32’s for cross racing, 40’s for mixed gravel/single track cruising, or even go with full-blown mountain wheels if you are primarily riding dirt.

    This fine steed made the cut for this column for many reasons, but in particular due to its versatility. The strength coach at the Steamboat Springs Winter Sports Club is an avid rider, a fat bike World Masters Champion and just an all-around speedy dude. He has an Open and he told me that due to its versatility, he has narrowed his fleet to just a few bikes, as he can easily swap wheels on the Open and have a perfect bike for almost any type of riding.

    Being far more civilized than he and his barbaric attitude to thin the FBD bike herd, I have adopted the “if some is good, more is better,” truism that applies to all elements of endurance athletics, and have therefore chosen to get this bike, and all of the wheels, and keep all of my other bikes. Ha! Suck it, garage space.

    Before any of you haters out there write in to criticism this strategy, let me preemptively explain what I like to call, the “FBD sailboat defense.” Being the key, influential member of the littératie that I am, I am often called upon to hobnob with my fellow cultural elites in places like Camelot, Kennebunkport and Cannes, so spending time on luxury watercraft it old hat to this cat. As most of you know, the purchase price and upkeep of any sort of boat is astronomical and absurd, so any time there is even the most subtle suggestion by any member of the FBD inner circle that I am wasting my money on all of these ridiculous and seemingly redundant (or is it superfluous, I REALLY NEED TO FACT CHECK MY WORK) bicycles, I immediate launch into the FBD sailboat defense, which goes something like this: “Would you rather I had a sailboat? Huh? Would you? That costs WAY more and is way worse for my health. Look how fit I am. Do you want me to have a heart attack? Is that it? Why would you wish that upon me, when I love you so much?” I do this all at an ever-increasing volume, then run to my room in tears and lock the door, barricading myself in with my fancy coffee grinder until everyone gives in and I get to buy my new saddle, or tyres, or whatever piece of gear upon which I have obsessed on that given day. Criticism me all you want, but that sh*t works. So go treat yourself to a new gravel bike, after all, who deserves it more than you do? (Well, me, but I already have one, so you’re up next.)

    $4,500 (frame only) at OPEN Cycle

     

    Special Edition Gold Biathlon Rifle

    Fully functional Anschutz Fortner biathlon rifle: gold-plated and one of a kind. Given to Antje Misersky-Harvey by J.G. Anschütz GmbH (the world’s leading manufacture of biathlon rifles) in recognition of her gold medal in the women’s individual at the 1992 Albertville Olympic Games.

    I’m going to finish this very special column with a very special story (and no, not that kind of “special” — this is actually an incredible account of perseverance, courage and strength)

    Without a doubt, the United States is a great country. Having said that, it always annoys me when pandering politicians and nut-job, right-wing pundits go for the lowest common denominator and claim it to be “the greatest county in the entire world,” as there are lots of great places and people out there in the world, so to simply unilaterally and without fact claim us to be No. 1 across the board in all categories is inaccurate and arrogant (look no further than our global rankings for gun violence, health care, education, quality of living, and self-assessment of happiness, just to name a few). That notwithstanding, the US is most certainly a great place, as this remarkable series of events illustrates.

    As noted in Wednesday’s masterpiece, like so many good stories, I was “just skiing along,” well, in this case, uh, “just standing along (does that even make sense?) in Altius Handcrafted Firearms in West Yellowstone, Montana, the nation’s premier biathlon shop, when in walked Ian and Antje Harvey with a biathlon rifle for consignment. The rifle is gold-plated and an amazing piece, but this rifle itself was just the tip of the iceberg, as the accompanying back-story is nothing short of incredible.

    Antje Misersky-Harvey’s gold-plated Anschutz Fortner biathlon rifle.

    One of the many intriguing aspects of the story of the history of the rifle is that a doping controversy is at its core, making it perhaps more prescient than now than ever before, in particular given everything currently happening on this front.

    This full story was published in Masters Skier and Cross Country Skier magazines several years ago, but sadly I was unable to find any versions online. With full respect and attribution to the fact that this was published previously, I will present a short summary, but I do encourage everyone to try to find the complete versions of these accounts, as they are simply amazing. In essence, this is a tale about overcoming long odds, stifling authoritarian government regimes and the strong moral authority to do the right thing.

    Antje Misersky-Harvey grew up in East Germany in the 1970s and 1980s. A rising star in cross-country, she found herself in an extremely difficult and dangerous situation when she refused to acquiesce to pressure from the East German government to take performance enhancing drugs. Rather than administer what she believed to be dangerous, illegal and immoral chemicals, she instead opted to quit skiing. Just before the 1992 Olympic Games, however, East Germany was building a women’s biathlon squad for the first time, as 1992 was the first WOG to feature this discipline. Scrambling to build a team powerful enough to take on the strong West Germans, she was allowed to join without being forced to dope.

    Antje Misersky (now Harvey) was awarded a gold-plated Anschutz Fortner biathlon rifle for her gold medal at the 1992 Olympics.

    Fast-forward to the Games themselves, where she went on to win a gold medal. The story gets even more incredible here though, as this was just after the fall of the Berlin wall, so the now, greatly liberated German media was very anxious to hear her incredible and harrowing story. Not surprisingly, officials from the former East Germany were much less excited about these details getting out, so she and her family received numerous death threats. Given the very recent change in the political structure and the enormous, far-reaching power in the previous governments, these were threats that could not be taken lightly. Being a person of great courage, conviction and character, however, she went on TV for a full, one-hour interview exposé and was one of the first athletes to have a very vocal and outspoken role in the anti-doping crusade.

    In appreciation of her gold medal, bravery and strong, moral conviction, Anschutz, the manufacture of the rifle she used to win her one gold and three silver Olympic medals, presented her with an extremely unique and stunning gold-plated rifle. Not only is this extremely rare, but the story behind it is nothing short of incredible as well. And this rifle is now for sale.

    $8,995 at Altius Handcrafted Firearms

    One of the things that I’ve learned in my few trips around the block is that it is very easy to fall in to “the grass is always greener” trap. Sure, our national team athletes (not to mention our development team and junior team athletes) may not have everything that their European counterparts do, but was Lowell Bailey’s father ever issued death threats by the US government? Given that fact that I highly doubt that Trump could even spell ‘biathlon,’ this seems quite unlikely. Yes, Noah Hoffman is currently paying for his wax tech and I think we all wish that this wasn’t the case, but has he ever been so knocked over by government officials as he approached the finish line, therein preventing a win, due to his political views? Have any of our female athletes been pressured into pregnancies (to later be terminated prior to competition), in order to get a more advantageous hormone profile? No. Never. Yet these are things that happened (and sadly, appear to still be happening in some places) at the behest of other federal governments. Let’s be very clear about this, too, these atrocities are not happening in isolated cases with a few random athletes, not is this a conspiracy of a few rogue coaches, but rather these are massive, nationally orchestrated programs run by the highest levels of government. Please allow that to sink in for a moment.

    In the U.S., this is simply unfathomable. As citizens, we rightful become incensed if we even perceive a whiff of government intrusion in any aspect of our lives, yet not all that long ago, and maybe still even today, there are national-team athletes from other countries facing almost indescribable oppression, intimidation and abuse. So while I wish we had a wax truck for biathlon and nordic combined, and I wish both our health care and education systems were more efficacious and economical, but despite these shortcomings, I am still very proud to be an American, as this is most certainly one of the greatest countries in the world. Even with Trump.

  • FasterSkier’s 12 Days of FBD Christmas: Day 2

    FasterSkier’s 12 Days of FBD Christmas: Day 2

    Editor’s note: It’s here! For the second-straight year, we’re presenting another 12-day holiday gift guide, brought to you by the one and only “FBD”, our gear-review guru. Kicking the series off, recommendations for recovery gifts to keep you and your ski buddies on the trails and injury free.

    ***

    Day 2: Training Clothing 

    OK, we got after it pretty hard yesterday, so we’re going to take a piece of our own advice a chill a bit today. Just like it’s a mistake to rip out intervals every day (I’m looking at you, JUOM)…

    Two-time Olympian, Duncan Douglas, a.k.a. Jacked Up Old Man, on the top of some cold, miserable, mountain somewhere, yelling at whomever took the photo that they should still be moving or else their heart rates were going to get too low and they would need to repeat the workout.

    … it’s probably also a mistake to charge that hard on gear for 12 days. I think we’ll all go crazy if we hit every day as hard as we hit it yesterday, so we’re going to dial it back a bit today in our coverage of training clothing.

    Don’t get me wrong, this topic is as near and dear to my cold heart as recovery is, but inherent in its very nature is a more subdued, less-scientific approach, so this should allow for the presentation of today’s offerings with minimal lecturing and wild pontification (please keep in mind, these are all very relative statements). There is most certainly some good science and technology behind clothing, in particular these days, but don’t worry, I’ll do my best to not cite any peer-reviewed studies. Today. This won’t be easy on any of us though, for who doesn’t love a good randomized, double-blind, peer reviewed research paper? Don’t fret though fellow data nerds, I have plenty more science up my sleeve down the road.

    ***

    Under $29

    Training hat

    Mount Borah Freeheel Ski Hat: FBD pick for under $29

    Part of what makes the ski community great is the, well, community. I was talking to Brian Gregg after his SuperTour win last Sunday and I told him that it was nice to see a good guy win. His response was excellent too, as he asked me, “Thanks FBD, but honestly, are there any guys out here who aren’t good guys that you wouldn’t want to see win?” This is such a good point and it goes to show you that even at the highest level in the sport, those fighting tool and nail for a chance to represent our country at the highest and most prestigious level of international competition, the Olympics, still have the utmost respect and admiration for their competitors. THIS is the nordic community. Brian’s comment got me thinking, too, have I ever met a nordic skier that I didn’t like? No, I really haven’t. It’s amazing, when you think about it. There are plenty of people who don’t like me, but that’s another story. Plus, I have a column and they don’t, so there. Go peddle your hate elsewhere, you hatey, hate mongers.

    Following up on this thought (the positive one, not the FBD-hater dealie), I wanted to offer up this first product in the spirit of supporting our great community — a hat from a local shop that does so much for the nordic world, Freeheel and Wheel in West Yellowstone, Montana. They are in the awkward position of having thousands of very needy, nordic nerds descend into their shop for one week per year, yet they must balance this with what, let’s just say, is a bit more moderate traffic flow the rest of the year. Being scalable enough to accommodate these enormous fluctuations in activity speaks volume about the strength and flexibility of this shop. Sure, you can get a hat anywhere, but why not cruise up to the West Yellowstone Ski Festival next year for some of the best early-season skiing anywhere in the country and support this awesome local secret with the purchase of a beanie, wax, and some coffee. Local love. Pay it forward.

    The wonderful owners of Freeheel and Wheel, Kelli and Melissa, showing off both their steez and their great shop.

    ***

    $30 – $99

    Ah, warm hands — this is where the rubber meets the road, er, the tracks. This is the one thing that seems to befell sooooo many skiers, making this topic literally a year-round passion for me. I fly to Eagle Glacier, Europe and South America in the summers with bags full of gloves for testing. It is a labor of love and one that you, the loyal reader, gets to reap the rewards. Truth be told, I greatly enjoy this process as well, as nothing is more rewarding than helping someone find a comfortable glove after years of suffering and nothing is more priceless than the look on the customs official’s face when he asks why I have 15 sets of winter gloves in my bag in the summer. The discussion goes something like this: I tell him I have all of these gloves because I’m going to South America. We then stare at each other for 30 seconds of incredibly awkward silence while I wait to see if he can remember that the seasons are opposed in the Northern and Southern Hemispheres, so “our” summer is “their” winter (quotes provided as I consider myself essentially a local Argentinian). Tensions rise as he gets increasingly nervous and annoyed from my smug and confident stare, because deep down he thinks he remembers hearing something about something called the equator, but he doesn’t really remember exact what he/she/it actually does. He does know enough to know that my answer is somehow relevant, he just has no idea how or why. I’ve seen this movie dozens of times now and it never ceases to amaze me. A word to the wise though, tread lightly here, as even though you may have the high moral ground and a superior understanding of basic Earth science, he has handcuffs and a gun. Let it drop and move on you way to begin slamming beers for the gut-wrenching 11-hour flight.

    This geographical obtuseness is sadly not limited to surly customs agents who clearly were the last kids picked for teams at recess in elementary school, though. Unfortunately many people have no idea what happens outside their zip code. Travel people, travel. Or, in the very least, pay attention in junior high.

    Race Glove

    Toko Thermo Race Glove: FBD pick for $30-$99

    Let’s put aside under-educated and overly-dictatorial TSA and customs agents for now and return to our roots of supporting our community. Another key pillar, albeit at the opposite end of the spectrum from a small local shop, is Toko. Despite being one of the industry big boys, Toko probably has one of the best “boot on the ground” presence of any of the nordic soft goods companies. Lurking around the expo at the West Yellowstone Ski Festival, I personally witnessed the Toko team looking after athletes at ever level: they help support many U.S. Ski Team (USST) athletes, as well as non-USST athletes like Olympians Noah Hoffman and Brian and Caitlin Gregg (who each have national titles, have represented the US of A at the Olympics, have raced numerous World Cups in Team USA gear, and even have a World Championships medal between them), development teams, regional teams, high school teams, masters, you name it.

    This is all well and good, but this would be a nice, though somewhat shallow, gesture if their products weren’t good, but they are good. Really good. A particular FBD favorite is the new Toko Thermo Race Glove. Full disclosure, the FBD was blessed with extraordinary foot-and-hand circulation and my problem (well, at least in terms body temperature regulation, I have dozens of other Great Dane-related problems that I’d rather not go into in this forum), is that I generally get too hot, not too cold. In our base layer review last year, the entire test team was amazed at how much less I wear on both training and race days than the rest of the team. The point here is that I don’t get cold very easily, so just the temperature range in which I wear these gloves will likely differ slightly for you.

    With that caveat duly noted, even though these are technically “race” gloves, I personally find them perfect for training in all but the absolutely coldest conditions. They also have a very useful pad on the fingers that makes them touch-screen compatible, which is key when you take as many selfies as I do. I was a little slow off the line in the selfie game due to bad form, but thanks to extensive coaching from U.S. Ski Team Special Jumper Casey Larson, I have modified my stance, angle of approach, and overall bad attitude, so I am very pleased to report that my selfie game is now on point.

    No apologies on my volume of posts or length of manuscripts either — I am a very sexy man who leads a fascinating life and I owe it to the people of Earth to share this journey in both excruciating detail and in extremely regular intervals (5.2/day to be precise, according to my expert staff of statisticians).

    Now where was I? Oh yeah, gloves. These rock. Get’em. Be a good ‘Merican (Isn’t it ironic how much that contraction looks an awful lot like “Mexican,” especially considering the political outlook of the people most apt to use it? Food for thought) and go for the “Stars and Stripes” color-way, just like this dude, badass former U.S. Biathlete, Zach Hall. After all, it is an Olympic year. $49 on Tokous.com

    Hunky Alaska Love Muffin Zach Hall showing everyone what’s up

    Training Mitten

    Toko Toasty Mitten: FBD pick for $30-$99

    I know, I know, I’m confusing everyone with my nomenclature and greatly flouting well-established conventions in the process, as I just finished talking about training in a product called a “Race Glove,” so if we’re wearing a race glove for training, where the hell should you be wearing training gloves/mittens? FBD, what are you doing to me?!?! How did this all get so confusing? Next, you’re going to tell me that it’s currently summer in Argentina, and we all know that is clearly impossible, as it’s HOT in the summer, dummy, and right now it is cold where I am sitting, ergo it must be cold everywhere in the world.

    That very precent point aside, as noted earlier, the FBD “runs hot,” most likely due to a seething inner rage fueled by extensive time in domestic airports, East Coast traffic, and repeated, nonsensical texts from Josh Smullin. Thanks to a highly sophisticated understanding of the Krebs cycle, cellular metabolism and mammalian energy production, I have been able to channel this apoplectic fury into good instead of evil, and use my overall contempt of modern society to keep me warm in bad weather.

    If people’s inability to not block the jetway off the airplane in their futile quest to find the enormous sign indicating the direction of baggage claim doesn’t drive you insane, you can probably have a normal reaction to cold and can just buy the same weight gloves as everyone else. If, however, the inattentiveness and complete disregard for the world around them of most people enables you to ski in your Speedo and forego most layers of insulation, have I got some suggestions for you.

    Come to Alaska, hear the Speedo story.

    Not to beleaguer this point, as my glove selection is spot on for me, but I’ve noticed over the years that a conversion factor is necessary for most people. You know, normal people. People who don’t sit alone in a cabin for two weeks and test gloves. And no, I am not kidding. I have issues. Two weeks. Two freakin’ weeks.

    More specifically, I tend to scale 10-20 degrees colder than the “average” skier (i.e., what you’d wear on a 40-degree day, I’d wear on a 20-30 degree day). And before the haters out there get all huffy, I don’t view this as a positive or a negative, just the reality of the situation. I only bring it up to contextualize these recommendations and to optimize them for the unwashed masses. That’s you people.

    So how does this all translate to you, the “normal” skier? For most people, in particular those whose fingers chill easily (not to be confused with Netflix and chill, which is something altogether completely different), I strongly recommend the Toko Toasty Mitten for average-to-cold training days. My hands would ignite if I wore these on any day over 10 degrees F, but for many skiers I talked to, they are the perfect choice for most winter days. Regardless of where you slot in on the cold tolerance index, we’re all out there on days that we think are “cold,” (whatever the hell that means to you) and these things are perfect for cold days. So get a pair for days that you perceive to be cold and please STFU about your Raynaud’s syndrome. You don’t have that — you just have crappy gloves and base layers (more on the latter shortly). $35 at Tokous.com

    Pre/Post-Ski Glove

    L.L. Bean Men’s Ultralight 850 Down Gloves: FBD pick for $30-$99

    Speaking of spontaneous appendage combustion, the last offering in today’s installment of how to not lose your fingers to frostbite is the LL Bean Men’s Ultralight 850 Down Gloves. Unless you’ve lived in the desert your entire life and have blood with the viscosity of air, these gloves are WAY too hot for any sort of aerobic activity. Where they shine however is on your way to and fro the tracks. Even though that crafty Chinese hoax seems to be killing winter, it can still cold in the morning when you go to scrape your windshield, set up the biathlon range, or stand motionless on the race course giving splits. For all of these activities and more, you want this glove. It is warm, yet not so bulky that you can’t grab ahold of your disobedient Great Dane’s collar as he is running to knock over your neighbor coming home with delicious smelling pizza. (photo unavailable of the Great Dane pizza “incident,” as relations are currently a little frosty with that particular neighbor)

    Save your relationship, and your fingers, and buy these now. $49.95 at L.L. Bean

    Substantially Less Hunky Philly Hate-Muffin FBD trying to pretend that he knows what’s up

    Bjorn Daehlie Wool Base Layer

    Bjorn Daehlie Airnet Shirt (men’s): FBD pick for $30-$99

    It has occurred to me over the years that perhaps another one of the reasons why I don’t get cold hands or feet is that I pay particular attention to my base layers. I give considerable thought before each sesh as to not only the projected temperature during the ski, but also factors like the sun, wind, and the prescribed intensity level of the scheduled workout. Doing intervals on a -2 C day when it’s sunny, with no wind and low humidity requires a very different set of choices than going easy on a +2 C day when it is windy and rainy.

    Being the spoiled, gear prima donna that I am, I am in the envious position of having literally dozens of options when I’m at Fast Big Dog Racing HQ (FBDRHQ, or Faabidoorahick, as we say “around the shop) in Steamboat, but as anyone who follows me on Instagram knows, I am a man of the world and part of being pro is bring only what you need on trips and absolutely nothing more.

    Since I am a wily veteran of the travel game and no-one is more pro than me (I’m looking at you, Taylor Fletcher), I can go minimalist with the best of them and the lynchpin of this entire concept is being able to select multipurpose garments that are functional over a very wide temperature range. For example, did you know that wind briefs can be repurposed as a buff, headband, or in a pinch, even a cold-weather mask? It’s true. I’ve seen Ollie Burruss execute the latter on several occasions and he went to Harvard, so he’s smart. But I’m getting off-topic. Focus FBD, focus.

    One of my favorites base layers this year is this offering from Bjorn Daehlie, the Airnet, their new wool training top. It is Merino wool, so it is warm in a wide variety of temperatures, maintains its insulation properties well when it is wet, offers excellent wicking, and perhaps most importantly, resists odor magnificently, which is key on those long training camps. $79.95 on Backcountry.com

    ***

    $100 – $299

    L.L. Bean U.S. Ski Team Down Jacket

    L.L. Bean Ultralight 850 Down Hooded Jacket U.S Ski Team: FBD pick for over $100-$299

    Clearly designed for pre- and apres-ski, this jacket is warm, light, comfortable and at $250, one helluva value.

    Continuing today’s theme of “community,” it’s important to point out that this isn’t just a great jacket, but like Toko, L.L. Bean is a great company. They are an official supplier to the U.S. Ski Team, they have excellent products, and they do a great job supporting our athletes. If you are looking for a new puffy to strut your stuff around town on your way to and from the ski, shovel the driveway, or walk the stupid Great Dane, this is your jam, as not only do you get a great coat at a great price, but you’re also supporting a company that supports our community. Pay it forward. $249 at L.L. Bean

    No heat in your remote, Ted Kaczynski style Montana cabin? No problem if you are rolling with the L.L. Bean puffy. The afternoon nap was never more luxurious.
  • FasterSkier’s 12 Days of FBD Christmas: Day 11

    FasterSkier’s 12 Days of FBD Christmas: Day 11

    FasterSkier's 2016 Holiday Gift Guide: 12 Days of FBD Christmas

    Editor’s note: This year, we opted for a spin on the holiday gift guide. Rest assured, we tasked the right guy — our gear-review guru — with the job of compiling a 12-day list of gift ideas (in various price ranges) for all the nordies in your life.

    ***

    Day 11: Slopestyle

    In 1964, United States Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart famously wrote in a landmark ruling on obscenity that he didn’t necessarily know how to define pornography, but, “I know it when I see it.” Supreme Court of Style Justice FBD recently somewhat infamously wrote, “Unlike that old dude looking at porn, I DO know how to define style: I just look in the mirror.”

    Since sadly, most of you don’t have the wonderful and life-changing opportunity to see me in the mirror each day, I believe I can help you all along by describing how you can each approximate and adapt these daily visions of greatness to your own lives. Ready? Let’s do this.

    Under $30: Dead Man’s Reach Coffee, $14.59

    Deadman’s Reach Coffee, FBD pick for under $30
    Deadman’s Ground Reach Coffee, FBD pick for under $30

    One of the secrets to having good style is getting your lazy ass out of bed to actually make it out to ski (I’m looking at you, Rob Magee). We’re all busy, but thankfully God has created this wonderful elixir of life, known as coffee. This magical potion works wonders to right all of the wrongs in the world and a cup of this particular top-secret FBD brew will have you up fixing your doghouse until 2:00 in the morning (true story about FBD’s first cup of coffee).

    After that first faithful experience with this miracle compound:

    caffeine formula

    I knew I was on to something. From that day forward, both my life and my training was forever changed — here is actual footage of my current morning routine after just two cups of this coffee. A simple rule I try to live my life by was aptly and succinctly summarized by my 80’s man-crush, Wham front man, George Michael, “If you’re gonna do it, do it right,” (I mean really, does it get any cooler than tambourine gloves? I don’t think so.) So if you’re a coffee drinker, well, hell, do it right, buy the good stuff, and get mother f’n TURNT! Available at Amazon.

    ***

    $30 – $100: Craft Wool Comfort Zip, $79.99

    Craft Wool Comfort Zip, FBD pick for $30-$100
    Craft Wool Comfort Zip, FBD pick for $30-$100

    You should all know by now that looking good is essential, but you’re never going to look good if you’ve shivering like a Florida resident when the mercury hits 68°F. Your mom is not going to show up to the tracks with grilled cheese sandwiches with the crusts cut off and a thermos of chicken noodle soup. Grow up. Buy a real baselayer and go attack that cold. This baby is the best of both worlds: a synthetic inner layer for comfort and a wicking, wool outer layer for warmth. If it is good enough for Andy Newell, then it’s good enough for you. Buy one and go work on your backflips. Available at CraftSports.us.

    ***

    $100 – $250: Patagonia Men’s Reversible Bivy Down Vest, $189

    Patagonia Men's Reversible Bivy Down Vest, FBD pick for $100-$250
    Patagonia Men’s Reversible Bivy Down Vest, FBD pick for $100-$250

    Western gunslinger, riverboat captain, ’80s ski bum: what do all of these colorful characters have in common?

    Gunslinger, riverboat captain, and '80s ski bums. All wearing vests.

    They all rock a vest. So while hopefully you’ll never be in an actual gun fight, pilot a paddlewheel steamboat down the mighty ‘Miss-a-sip,’ or do blow off of a pocket mirror in the gondi, you can exude the best of all of these styles with this warm, chic and bumpin’ apres-ski dealie. Available at Patagonia.com.

    paddlewheel steamboat

    FBD Bonus Pick: Baxter State Parka, $249

    L.L. Bean's Women's Baxter State Parka, FBD bonus pick for $100-$150
    L.L. Bean’s Women’s Baxter State Parka, FBD bonus pick for $100-$150

    Speaking of classic styles, this FBD BP is a good one. Last year during one of our puffy coat reviews, the fine folks at L.L. Bean completely disregarded my extremely simple instructions and sent this.

    L.L. Bean Men’s Baxter State Parka
    L.L. Bean Men’s Baxter State Parka

    To be fair, they actually did follow the instructions and sent what was requested, they simply added a few other pieces, which in the end turned out to be quite clever, as I’m writing about it now. The point here (and trust me, there is a point) is that this is a very different piece: it’s not for everyone, but for the right person, it is awesome. Our whole test team has grown to love it. As I wrote in the review, this thing folds to the approximate size of my Great Dane, weighs more than me after a plate of nachos and 10 beers, and has an outer layer that feels like it can stop a bullet. This is not necessarily a bad thing though, for after some of these reviews, I now seem to have a lot of enemies. It is currently residing in the closet of Josh Smullin, which is good, for while I may have some enemies, this pales in comparison to the number of people Smullin has alienated over the years. Available at L.L. Bean.

    ***

    Over $250: Oakley Wind Jacket 2.0 Prizm Snow Goggle ($150) +  Oakley Turbine ($160)

    Oakley Wind Jacket 2.0 Prizm Snow Goggle (top) and Oakley Turbine (bottom) combo, FBD pick for $250+
    Oakley Wind Jacket 2.0 Prizm Snow Goggle (top) and Oakley Turbine (bottom) combo, FBD pick for $250+

    We’ve had a few “twofers” along the way in our magically little journey here together and get ready for another: I suppose I’m a teeny, tiny bit conflicted over this concept, as technically any one of these suggestions could be purchased individually, therein violating the carefully allocated price range guidelines, but being a glass half-full (of bourbon) guy, I look at these scenarios as being very Candide-esque, in that they are the best of all possible worlds. Sure, you can buy any one of these individual gifts, but like pairing a good wine with an excellent meal, finding that perfect hat/buff/glove combo, or exquisitely matching your entire cycling kit, these twofer offerings compliment each other beautifully, therein making the entire ensemble that much more stylish and exquisite.

    In this case the twofer in question are glasses. Not just any glasses though, sun glasses. Fun glasses. Kick-ass, you’ve gotta have’em glasses: you know, shades, specs, blinkers, sunnies (for all of my friends down under), nippers, cheaters, or as my Swiss buddies call them, sonnenbrille. For anyone who knows me even a little bit, I’m sure that you’re stunned that it took us to Day 11 before sonnenbrille came up, but hey, it’s because Days 1 – 10 were just that good. This says a lot, too, as FBD loves sunglasses. And the official FBD brand of choice? Oakleys. Sure, there are some other good brands out there, but the FBD is an OG…

    Jay Z OG

    … Oakley G from BITD. Plus,if you grew up watching this guy, you pretty much HAD to be a fan of the brand:

    Lemong Oakleys

    So sure, one pair of Oaks is good and it obviously stands to reason that two pairs are twice as nice, but there’s more to it than that — there is an exponential increase in steez with two pairs and here’s why — people wearing sport shades in a leisure setting should immediately be put to death. This is a HUGE FBD pet peeve. Nothing screams maniac like driving to work in sport glasses.Why don’t you just go blow up an orphanage? Show some goddamn self respect and wear sport glasses while training and rep some “lifestyle” shades everyplace else. I don’t care if you’re sporting top of the line model from any brand, if you’re driving around in your sport glasses, you look like that meathead cop that pulls you over in the BluBlockers that he got at the gas station. Don’t be “that guy.”

    FYI, the converse is also true — busting out a ski in “fashion glasses,” conjures images of Tyler and Ryder and we all know what happened to them.

    Tyler Hamilton (top) in Prada and Ryder Hesjedal (bottom) in POC sunglasses
    Tyler Hamilton (top) in Prada and Ryder Hesjedal (bottom) in POC sunglasses

    Was it the bad shades that led them down to road to dope or the dope that took them down the path of truly tragic eyewear? I suppose it doesn’t really matter, as either way it’s a lose-lose. Or loser-loser. Don’t risk it. Save your babysitting money so you can a good pair of each.
    Now that we’re straight on all of that, do yourself right with a pair of each of these dope shades (get it?) Why? Because the 1.0 is for suckers. Are you a sucker? I didn’t think so, so stop asking stupid questions and go get’em. For sport, Oakley Wind Jacket 2.0. Available at Oakley.com.

    For street, the Turbine. Look like you’re getting ready to hang with De Niro in Vegas (except for the fact that your wife won’t let you go to Vegas, you would be terrified at all of the germs in that filthy town, and you’re in the middle of an intensity block so there’s no way in hell you’re disrupting your training now, but work with me here people). Available at Oakley.com.

    De Niro Vegas

    Oakley, the official thermonuclear ocular protection of these goons)
    Oakley, the official thermonuclear ocular protection of these goons

    FBD Bonus Pick: Bent shaft poles: Exel X-Curve poles, $299.95

    Exel X-Curve poles, FBD bonus pick for $250+
    Exel X-Curve poles, FBD bonus pick for $250+

    OK everyone, easy out there — get those minds of out the gutter, I’m talking SKI poles here. Since “truthiness” is my speciality, please allow me to clarify that I’ve only had these for a few skis, but these come to me from longtime friend, Birkie winner and trusted advisor, Matt Liebsch, or “Leaper,” as he likes to be called. Leaper explained to me in excruciating detail why these poles are catching on big-time for interestingly enough, biathletes and marathon classic racers (a weird mix, I know). Ole Einar Bjørndalen (the most decorated Winter Olympian and overall most winning biathlete of all time) uses these and since he is the MAN, these bad boys made the cut.

    As you all know though, I am exceedingly careful to not recommend products that I haven’t personally tested for months or even years, so this suggestion is coming to you with the caveat that my testing on these has been quite limited. If you want to be the first kid on the block with the latest gadget and you’re serious about pulling the trigger now, my advice is to call Leaper, get the full 411, and proceed accordingly. This way if you love them, I can take all of the credit for making the recommendation, but if you hate them, it’s Matt’s fault for explaining them poorly, not mine. The word on the street is that these are hard to get, so don’t dilly dally or you’ll be left watching longingly as the technology train pulls away from the platform, leaving you standing there with your crappy old poles, like a sucker. Available at PioneerMidwest.com.

    I KNEW I should have bought those new poles. How has my life gone so wrong?
    I KNEW I should have bought those new poles. How has my life gone so wrong?

    Finally, it has come to my attention that some readers are not grasping the importance of yesterday’s public service message and the severity of the problem that this presents when I am driving to and from races, so let me again reiterate: the left lane of an expressway is a passing line, not a driving lane, a PASSING lane. Let’s review: the left lane is a PASSING lane, not a driving line. If you are not actively passing another automobile at a reasonable rate, you should be in the driving lane, not the passing lane, as the left lane is for passing. Driving? No. Passing.

    ***

    If you’re wondering how the hell we got here, or you just love my beautifully crafted preamble so much that you revisit every day before heading off to face the challenges of the working world, the introduction and backstory can be found here. If unlike most of America, you actually spend you time at work, working, you may have missed some of the previous days and they can be found here: Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4 | Day 5 | Day 6 | Day 7 | Day 8 | Day 9 | Day 10

  • FasterSkier’s 12 Days of FBD Christmas: Day 10

    FasterSkier’s 12 Days of FBD Christmas: Day 10

    FasterSkier's 2016 Holiday Gift Guide: 12 Days of FBD Christmas

    Editor’s note: This year, we opted for a spin on the holiday gift guide. Rest assured, we tasked the right guy — our gear-review guru — with the job of compiling a 12-day list of gift ideas (in various price ranges) for all the nordies in your life.

    ***

    Day 10: More Clothing

    On Day 8 you learned the rule, “If some is good, more is better,” so now that this has been established, Learn It, Know It, Live It. Good news, too, as we now have more clothing suggestions. And remember, more is ALWAYS better, whether we’re talking about training, sex, sleeping or gear. No exceptions. Ever.

    Under $30: L.L. Bean Pathfinder Lighted Beanie, $29.95

    L.L. Bean's Pathfinder Lighted Beanie, FBD pick for under $30
    L.L. Bean’s Pathfinder Lighted Beanie, FBD pick for under $30

    Occam’s Razor states that oftentimes the simplest explanation is the best. The FBD gear corollary is that sometimes the simplest gear is the best: case in point, this slick L.L. Bean hat. While there is most certainly nothing ground-breaking about incorporating an LED light into a hat, I find myself grabbing this baby all of the time, whether it is for a late-night, dog-bathroom emergency, a quick jaunt to the mailbox after dark or any one of the other thousand activities that seem to rear their ugly head now that it gets dark around 2:00 p.m. Light, warm, useful and inexpensive, this hats checks all of those boxes and then some. Available at L.L. Bean.

    ***

    $30 – $100: Salomon Trail Runner Short Sleeve Tee, $45

    Salomon Men's Trail Runner Short Sleeve Tee, FBD pick for $30-$100
    Salomon Men’s Trail Runner Short Sleeve Tee, FBD pick for $30-$100

    Over the course of this very riveting series we have been getting you kitted out with the latest in greatest in summer hard goods, but what about soft goods? There’s never a bad time to give summer gear, even if you are someplace with single-digit temps currently. As you may recall from my detergent-torture testing, I put this summer training top through its paces, and then some, this past summer. Not only is it cool (as in, ‘not hot’,), but it’s also cool, as in “Fonzie cool” (look it up). On top of that, it’s ‘colorway’ is a FBD favorite, “Please Don’t Hit Me” neon green. Here it is in action, after not having been washed for 12 workouts. Certain sizes & colors on sale for $20 (+$7.95 shipping) at Amazon.

    ***

    $100 – $250: Filson Alaskan Guide Shirt, $125

    Filson Alaskan Guide Shirt, FBD pick for $100-$250
    Filson Alaskan Guide Shirt, FBD pick for $100-$250

    While we’ve talked a lot in this series about looking good on the tracks, we haven’t talked a whole lot about looking good off the tracks. I’m all about helping all of my disciples in all aspects of their lives, so I am very pleased to recommend one of my favorite flannel shirts for not just Apres, but “All-pres.” Before any of you mini-Gloria Steinem’s out there get all worked up, this is a unisex suggestion. The one night at the West Yellowstone Ski Festival I was able to sneak away from the ever-watchful eye of Coach Smullin for an adult beverage (in reality, it wasn’t all that hard to sneak away, as he joined me), we hit the one and only hot spot in West, the Holiday Inn (I am willing to bet big money that this is the first time in which this sentence was ever written) for the Buffs/Utes football game. Since these are also both big skiing schools, there was an assortment of very cute uber-frauleins (UFs) athletes, coaches and alumni from CU, UU, APU and a few other places with initials. Several of the ladies were rocking some variation of the “fakerjack” outfit and they all looked good. Quite good. So much so that every 30 seconds, some greasy wax tech was asking me to be introduced to someone that we were kicking it with in the mighty HI (again, who says that? Can you imagine intentionally going to a Holiday Inn? I was there and I still can’t believe it). The point here being that these are not just men’s shirts. And there is ONE Holiday Inn where cool people actually hang out, let’s not forget that part, as I still find this remarkable.

    As a quick aside, in case you were wondering about Smullin and I going out “on a school night,” not only was it a Saturday night with no official team training the next morning, but for the record, Josh and each only had 2.5 beers. That’s right faithful readers, Josh Smullin and I split a beer. #NewLevelNordicNerd

    If by some stroke of fate you’ve made it this far into this shirt review that has yet to mention the shirt itself, thanks for hanging in there with me on the metaphorical victory lap. Lots of people make flannel shirts, but Filson are some of my favorite: this review is literally being typed in a tried and true old soldier that has seen its fair share of action, well, in as much as you can consider sitting at a keyboard typing, “action.” To make sure that their quality hasn’t gone to hell, I checked out two new models and every indication is that the current crop is a good as those from yesteryear. I like these shirts so much in fact that I’m going to recommend two different models. The Alaskan Guide shirt is a great all-around offering, with the thicker one better for athletes who chill easily and the Lightweight model preferable for those who hate being too warm (like me).

    FBD Pro Tip: These shirts are listed as having “Alaska sizing,” whatever the hell that means. Since you are undoubtedly asking yourself, “What the hell does that mean?”, here is my theory on this: Poet Carl Sandburg called Chicago, “The City of Broad Shoulders,” but the last time I was in Chicago, I had a steak and four martinis in the restaurant of my luxury hotel. The last time I was in Alaska, I skied 6 -8 hours/day in 0.1° C weather, slept on a glacier for a week, then spent another week in a cabin in Talkeetna that had no running water.

    And this is nothing special for AK — you get laughed out of the room if you brought this up at a party up there thinking it was something rugged — everyone I know from AK is tough as hell and would consider this an “easy week”. When I reported on Eagle Glacier last year, I unearthed several hysterical stories about what has transpired in The Last Frontier, my favorite of which being Andy Newell’s story about Rob Whitney’s midnight sleep screams: apparently Rob would wake up in the middle of the night yelling at the top of his lungs, “We need to get off the glacier, we’re all going to die!!!!” I had dinner with Rob and his lovely, also tough-as-nails wife Holly Brooks this past summer and when the story came up, Rob calmly said, “Well, that wasn’t as bad as the time I started sleepwalking and held a knife to one of my (male) teammate’s throats.” That’s right, only in Alaska (and maybe Philly) can you wake up with one of your friends holding a knife at your throat while sleeping on a glacier and training 50 hours/week. You’ve just gotta be tough to survive that. I’m not quite sure on all of the underlying physiology at work here, but it stands to reason that if you have to regularly wrestle a giant, naked, Rob Whitney off you (yes, he was naked during this whole sordid incident) while he’s brandishing a knife, if you don’t die, you’re going to develop some pretty big shoulders.

    Where am I going with all of this? The shirts run big. So order one up now, do those push-ups (or call up Rob to inquire about his availability for some naked, midnight knife wresting) get it broken in just the right amount to not have that loser, “fresh out da box” look and who knows, maybe even you will have some rap with the hot UF’s next year at the Holiday Inn. Doubtful, but maybe. Available at Filson.com.

    Finally, here’s another FBD pro tip: don’t let anyone see you splitting a beer, anywhere, ever. Smullin and I might as well been wearing burkas at a Trump rally after that little misstep. Sharing a beer with another dude in a bar in Montana goes over like a fart in church.

    FBD Bonus Pick: L.L. Bean Ultralight 850 Hooded Down Sweater, $209

    L.L. Bean Ultralight 850 Hooded Down Sweater, FBD bonus pick for $100-$250
    L.L. Bean Ultralight 850 Hooded Down Sweater, FBD bonus pick for $100-$250

    Being the high-performance director for USA Nordic Combined and Ski Jumping, I am fortune enough to be issued all of the team gear and this piece is a team favorite: light, warm and extremely packable, this versatile piece can be stuffed into your backpack or briefcase and deployed as need as a pillow, blanket, sensory depravation tank, bad-ass fort (think killing time on long layovers in European airports) and here’s a crazy one, even as a jacket. Available at L.L. Bean.

    Instead of blankets, think L.L. Bean jacket. Instead of the living room of your parents' house, think Munich International airport. Instead of ironing boards, think Bryan and Taylor Fletcher.
    Instead of blankets, think L.L. Bean jacket. Instead of the living room of your parents’ house, think Munich International airport. Instead of ironing boards, think Bryan and Taylor Fletcher.

    ***

    Over $250: Arc’teryx Ceres SV Parka, $849

    Arc’teryx Ceres SV Parka, FBD pick for $250+
    Arc’teryx Ceres SV Parka, FBD pick for $250+

    Let’s face it, skiing can be cold. But watching skiing (in person, not on TV) can be crazy cold. If you are a good person, parent, teammate or coach, chances are you’ll find yourself out standing in the middle of some field somewhere cold (not to be confused with being outstanding in your field). When you’re on one of those bone-chilling skis, you can simply ramp up the intensity to warm yourself up, but spectating, well, you’re essentially on a gradual descent into hell (well, a frozen version of hell). The solution, which is easier said than done, is to not get cold in the first place. This jacket is the single best way to achieve temperature nirvana, as noted in our gear review last year (Please note my Labradoresque ‘head out the window’ testing). This beast won our Puffy Coat Review last season for good reason. By one now and never worry about being cold again. Available at Arcteryx.com.

    Finally, here is an important public service message: the left lane of an expressway is a passing line people, not a driving lane, a PASSING lane. For anyone who may have questions on this ridiculously simple concept (and in most states, law), here is an excellent tutorial.

    ***

  • FasterSkier’s 12 Days of FBD Christmas: Day 9

    FasterSkier’s 12 Days of FBD Christmas: Day 9

    FasterSkier's 2016 Holiday Gift Guide: 12 Days of FBD Christmas

    Editor’s note: This year, we opted for a spin on the holiday gift guide. Rest assured, we tasked the right guy — our gear-review guru — with the job of compiling a 12-day list of gift ideas (in various price ranges) for all the nordies in your life.

    ***

    Day 9: Techy Tech

    Tech is to skiing what David Lee Roth is to Van Halen. You can try to remove this part of the equation, but the end-result just isn’t the same (Sammy Hager era, anyone, anyone?) The ultimate checkmate for any technology hater is that regardless of what year and model skis for which they currently launching some unhinged rant — you know exactly about the person and the speech that I’m talking about here — the one that starts, continues and ends with lines like, “This is all you need, all you’ll ever need, I’ve been using these for years and they’re fine….”, the best way to get them off their high horse is to simply point out that at some point, technology made THAT particular pair of skis (or whatever) state of the art. Sure, maybe it was during the Eisenhower administration, but the point is technology drives innovation and vice versa. Do you need new skis every year? If you’re me, yes, but we all know that I’m special. I’ll let each of you out there in the studio audience answer that question for yourself, but the point here is the regardless of your own, personal, technology life cycle, technology is a wonderful part of our sport. Embrace it accordingly, knowing full well that if you’re a fat, lazy, turd, with no style, new skis will just make you a fat, lazy, turd, with no style, on new skis.

    ***

    Under $30: Dermatone Green Tea Lip Balm, $2.75

    Dermatone Green Tea Lip Balm, FBD pick for under $30
    Dermatone Green Tea Lip Balm, FBD pick for under $30

    At first blush, this may not appear to be that ground-breaking a recommendation, but dry, chapped lips have oft been described as “the worst aliment ever.” I tend to agree. Not only is this the ultimate rap killer (who wants to kiss cracked, pasty, lizard lips?), but it’s just downright unpleasant for all involved. Not to mention, do we even need to go into what can happen when you sunburn your lips?

    Do yourself a favor and buy about 10 of these — stick them in your training jacket, your car, your drink belt, everywhere you can think of, as nothing is worse than wanting to apply some nice soothing lip balm and not having one available. Be advised, these are very popular with Great Dane puppies, so please prepare accordingly, though apparently my Great Dane Pwolfgang is in good company:

    Dogs and chapstick

    Usually available at Amazon or even better, come to the West Yellowstone Ski Festival next year and pick up a few of these from our buds at Freeheel and Wheel. This shop does a great job supporting an incredible numbers of skiers in this week, it’s the best coffee in town, and they offer a great assortment of nordic gear for anything you forgot or suddenly decided you need to replace when you wake up to this:

    West Yellowstone weather

    ***

    $30 – $100: Toko Arctic Split Mitt, $45

    Toko Actic Split Mitt, FBD pick for $30-$100
    Toko Arctic Split Mitt, FBD pick for $30-$100

    When it’s cold, I mean really, REALLY cold (like it was this morning in West Yellowstone) (see screen capture of today’s weather, above), you don’t just want these gloves, you need these gloves. The split finger design is the best of both worlds: the heat of a mitten and the dexterity (most of it, anyway) of a gloves. A must-have for all skiers. Go for the dope “Winter Warrior” colourway too, because, well, you can. Available at TokoUS.com.

    ***

    $100 – $250: Salomon Drifter Mid Hoodie, $180

    Salomon Drifter Mid Hoody, FBD pick for $100-$250
    Salomon Drifter Men’s Mid Hoodie, FBD pick for $100-$250

    I know, I know, a few different outwear offerings had popped up in our travels here together, but that’s only because jackets are so frickin’ cool (because they keep you hot). Trust me though, there is most definitely a method to my madness, as each and every one of these pieces is specially designed and surgically targeted for highly tactical strikes on the local coffee shop. There, see what I just did? I got myself on a government watch list, just so you could look cool. The things I do for you people… Available at Salomon.com.

    ***

    Over $250: Pursuit Fork Flex Roller Skis ($249.99) and IDT rollerskis ($386.74)

    Pursuit Fork Flex Roller Skis (top) and IDT Classic Elite Rollerskis, FBD pick for $250+
    Pursuit Fork Flex Roller Skis (top) and IDT Classic Elite Rollerskis (bottom), FBD pick for $250+

    On Day 6 we very clearly covered why summer training tools are in play in this holiday gift guide, so if you’re arriving late to the party and you’re getting your panties in a wad about this…

    One of my Princeton rowing teammates used to say, 'Don't be a rhino' to people who were being stubborn or uncooperative, so this image is therefore appropriate at many levels.
    One of my Princeton rowing teammates used to say, “Don’t be a rhino” to people who were being stubborn or uncooperative, so this image is therefore appropriate at many levels.

    … the very cogent and logical line of reasoning supporting this theory can be found here.

    Regardless of whether you went back and read my recommendation for summer rollerski boots just now or if you’ve been playing along at home to this game all along, I bet you can see where this is going: if you have sweet, new summer-specific boots, you’re most certainly going to need some new whap sticks, right, as the last thing you want to have happen is you show up looking all funky fresh but then get laughed out of the workout due to your clapped out rollerskis? You know the drill by now, do it right and go for the best. How do I know that these are the best? Because we tested them, silly (classic and skate). All of the top three skis in each review are “da bomb,” but if you’re tight on cash the Pursuits are a great value and the IDTs are just SO silky smooth, you’ll hate yourself forever if you don’t buck up for these. Available at RollerskiShop.com and IDTSports.com.

    ***

  • FasterSkier’s 12 Days of FBD Christmas: Day 4

    FasterSkier’s 12 Days of FBD Christmas: Day 4

    FasterSkier's 2016 Holiday Gift Guide: 12 Days of FBD Christmas

    Editor’s note: This year, we opted for a spin on the holiday gift guide. Rest assured, we tasked the right guy — our gear-review guru — with the job of compiling a 12-day list of gift ideas (in various price ranges) for all the nordies in your life.

    ***

    It’s only Day 4, but we’re getting picking up steam here, I can feel it. We’ve teed up a vast array of skiing-related products and gear, but no self-respective gear review is complete without diving headfirst, like Billy Demong into a shallow pool, into tech. And not just tech, TECH. Kinda like when Billy Ray Valentine fought off the police. “It wasn’t COP, it was COPS, with an ‘S’.” (Fast-forward to 7:30 in). This isn’t tech, it’s TECH (still not with a ‘s’, though)!

    Day 4: Tech

    Under $30: Holmenkol Natural Wax Stick ($17) or Fluid ($20)

    Holmenkol Natural Wax Stick (l) and Fluid (r), FBD pick for under $30
    Holmenkol Natural Wax Stick (l) and Fluid (r), FBD pick for under $30

    Like any good prima donna ski racer, I hate working on my skis. I just want them to be fast. Nathan Schultz and the gang at Boulder Nordic Sport have gotten me race-ready many-a-day. Usually if I ask them what they did, they tell me to STFU. This might seem a bit harsh, but it reality it works out well for everyone as I really don’t want to know, as this would perhaps lead me to think that next time I could do it myself, which we all know that I cannot. Thanks to some “tough love” from both Nathan and Zack Caldwell, I learned long ago that I’m actually better off NOT knowing what’s happening out there in those mysterious shipping containers, as I need to focus all of my energy into skiing fast. Since it’s the holiday season though, Nathan seems to have let his guard down a little, as he gave me one of his secrets, Holmenkol Natural Wax (comes in solid & fluid). I believe his exact quote was, “This stuff is amazing, not only it is fast, but even you can put it on, FBD.” No offense taken, as I’m still going to have him do it. I’m no dummy, this way I can blame him if the race doesn’t go well. #SoPro. Available at Boulder Nordic Sport.

    FS Staff Pick* (*Not necessarily FBD tested): Vauhti K-Base Binder, $25

    On those warm, transformed days when any hard wax that grips wears too fast or ices, this binder lets you run a harder grip wax, solving both problems. A shoulder-season star. Available at CaldwellSport.com.

    ***

    $30-$100: Red Creek Golden Magic Ultra Steel Brush, $87.50

    Red Creek Golden Magic Ultra Steel Brush, FBD pick for $30-100
    Red Creek Golden Magic Ultra Steel Brush, FBD pick for $30-100

    Speaking of Zach Caldwell and ski-tech curmudgeons, when Zach’s not busy shaming Tad Elliott and me into attempting to properly apply klister (in case you missed it yesterday, here’s the video again), Zach spends his free time putting together what is perhaps simultaneously both the most nerdy and the most awesome article on brushes ever written (be sure to watch the embedded video, too; it’s totally worth it). This of course begs the question: is this the only article on brushes ever written? I sure hope so, but regardless, it’s excellent. I’ll save you the humiliation of having a link to this video in your browser cache by cutting to the chase and telling you to simply get one of these: Red Creek Golden Magic Ultra Steel Brush. Available at Caldwell Sport.

    ***

    $100 – $250: Holmenkol Syntec Race Nordic Fluoro Powders, $189

    Holmenkol Syntec Race Nordic Fluoro Powders, FBD pick for $100-$250
    Holmenkol Syntec Race Nordic Fluoro Powders, FBD pick for $100-$250

    Now we’re approaching super-nerd territory. Love it or hate it, fluoros are like pesticides and condoms — necessary evils. Again, I must have caught the head honcho on a good day, as Nathan was doling out all sorts of secrets. As noted earlier, I hate every part of this process (burning my skis, burning my beautiful, expansive eight-liter lungs, and burning a hole in the Ozone layer just so I can put Smullin in his place in races), so I made Nathan write the description on this one. I’ll see you in Hell, Schultz.

    “These new fluorocarbon powders from Holmenkol are the result of 3 years of development and testing. The investment seems to have paid off – in testing over the winter of 2015-2016 we found this new line to be consistently at the top of our results, and many times far superior to everything else. As a bonus, the new raw materials in the Syntec line are not subject to the pending EU environmental fluorocarbon ban.” (After reading just this one paragraph, I bet you miss me already, right? Don’t lie.) Shop options (cold, mid & wet powder) at Boulder Nordic Sport.

    ***

    Over $250: Star Digital Pro 200C Iron, $399

    Star Digital Pro 200C Iron, FBD pick for $250+
    Star Digital Pro 200C Iron, FBD pick for $250+

    Back to the ultimate ski curmudgeon, Caldwell (hell, his Twitter handle is @GrumpySkier, which pretty much says it all). I love talking to Zach as he’s perhaps the only person in the world more cantankerous than me, which is probably why we get along so well. You know how the saying goes though, “It pays to have friends in low places,” and trust me Zach excels here. He’s logged more time in World Cup wax cabins than almost anyone I know, so when I recommends an iron, you KNOW it’s legit. So legit, that I bought one. (Yes, yes, I know, you’re thinking, “I thought FBD never preps his skis…” HA, I got cha! I rarely race prep my skis. I prep my skis all of the time. So if I am going to be forced into this dreaded task, why not bring a gun to a knife fight and tackle the task with the best iron available to man. Thanks to my incredible foresight and vision, there is mind-blowing continuity in this recommendation as well, as this is the iron of choice when applying fluoros. #MindBlown. Available at Caldwell Sport.

    ***

  • FasterSkier’s 12 Days of FBD Christmas: Day 3

    FasterSkier’s 12 Days of FBD Christmas: Day 3

    FasterSkier's 2016 Holiday Gift Guide: 12 Days of FBD Christmas

    Editor’s note: This year, we opted for a spin on the holiday gift guide. Rest assured, we tasked the right guy — our gear-review guru — with the job of compiling a 12-day list of gift ideas (in various price ranges) for all the nordies in your life.

    ***

    By now you’re probably thinking, “What’s the deal with all of this clothing crap in this horribly played-out 12 Days of Christmas knockoff?” I’m a bad-ass skier who’s owned the same pair of Craft training pants since 2002. My money, ALL of my money, goes into gear that produces speed. You know, real gear. Fear not my agro friend with the nasty, clapped out pants covered in kick wax, we’ve got you covered with this latest installment.

    Day 3: Gear

    Under $30: deFUNKit, $19.95 or less

    deFUNKit Active Wash high-performance laundry detergent, FBD pick for under $30
    deFUNKit Active Wash High Performance laundry detergent, FBD pick for under $30

    The aforementioned dirt bag pants undoubtedly not only look played out, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and venture a guess that they also smell like ass. Fortunately, all is not lost here thanks to an amazing product called deFUNKit. My crackajack test team put this miracle solvent through its paces in more detail than you could even hope to imagine. If you’ve ever thought to yourself, “You know what I’d like to read tonight, an eight-page review filled with several examples of essentially the same theme of some loser wearing dirty underwear for a week.” Well, that makes two of us. You’re welcome. Available at deFUNKit.com.

    ***

    $30 – $100: Toko Profi Gloves + Racing Overmitt Combo ($45+$40)

    Toko Profi Gloves (l) and Racing Overmitts (r), FBD pick for $30-100
    Toko Profi Gloves (l) and Racing Overmitts (r), FBD pick for $30-100

    Ah, gloves. If I had to hanker a guess into what people hate the most about skiing (other than the misery, the money, the hassle, the haters, the writers — speaking of haters –, and its rapidly dwindling availability), I’d place my money on two things: cold hands and cold feet. One step at a time here people, so let’s tackle hands first. The fine folks at Toko made sure that on my trip to Eagle Glacier in Alaska last summer, that I left with the latest and greatest in-hand tuxedos, the Toko Profi (in bad-ass “Winter Warrior” color).

    These babies stood up to almost 30 hours of skiing in the dreaded 0.1° C (32 Fahrenheit) rain that seems to always coincide with all of my trips to AK and kept me coming back for more, so I’m sure they’ll do you right in the 30 seconds it takes you to scrape your car windshield. Available at TokoUS.com.

    Like any good corporate weasel, I know all of the tricks of the trade, so for those of you keeping score at home you know that we still have $55 left in our budget. Anyone who has suffered the indignity and insanity of the corporate world knows that if you don’t use all of your budget, you lose it, so let’s double-down on Toko here and also go for a pair of their awesome overmitts. What I really like about these is they keep you very warm, but you don’t look like you’re about to go 15 rounds with Tyson. Since they fit over your pole straps, the fit and feel of your gloves is normal (because you’re wearing your normal gloves), but they do an excellent job of keeping your hands comfortable while warming up for races in your thinner, racing gloves or even for long cruisers on particularly cold training days. Available at TokoUS.com.

    Spend your remaining $15 on gum and expense it as “miscellaneous” or else that d-bag CFO will knock $15 off of your 2017 budget. Man, I hate that dude. And that stupid job.

    FS Staff Pick* (*not necessarily FBD tested)

    • Pole tube ($45 at Boulder Nordic Sport): For piece of mind when flying, obviously, but also for when throwing expensive, laterally fragile pieces of carbon into a Subaru, Rocket Box, back of a van, anywhere near FBD’s dogs, etc. Fischer Pole Tube Economy sold at Boulder Nordic Sport.
    • Cocoons over-sunglasses ($55): Professional-grade sunglasses designed to be worn over prescription eyewear. Like an 85 year old’s driving glasses, but cooler. Shop options at CocoonsEyewear.com.

    ***

    $100 – $250: Patagonia Black Hole Duffel Bag, $129

    Patagonia Black Hole Duffel Bag (pictured in "Purple Panther"), FBD pick for $100-$250
    Patagonia Black Hole Duffel Bag (pictured in “Purple Panther”), FBD pick for $100-$250

    OK, now we’re rolling — if you’re anything like me, you’ve purchased a few (or all) of the past few days of suggestions as gifts, but you’ve also been following the ol’ “One for you, one for me rule,” so you’re driving home each night like a maniac, racing the wife to the front door so that you can intercept all of the gifts you’ve purchased for yourself before she’s on to you (not literally, as you’ve been married way too long for this to still be an issue). Thanks to your complete disregard for speed limits and your advanced tactical and navigational skills, you’re home first: Mission accomplished. Now what to do with the loot. Stashing your latest collection of swag behind the bird feeder in the garage feels a little too shifty even for you, so as always, your boy FBD has your back: ironically, the solution is to order more stuff, this time in the form of this killer Patagucchi bag. Available at Patagonia.com.

    FBD pro tip, go for one of the more colorful color options, as everyone and their brother has black bags and your whole ruse unravels pretty quickly when you need to fess up to the wife that some jerk at baggage claim walked off with your bag because it looked like his and he naturally disregarded the instructions to check the name tag (any frequent traveler can tell you that NO ONE does this, so it’s every man for himself at baggage claim). Now some fat dude in Florida has all of your sweet, new baselayers, gloves, and Oakleys and since you have his bag, you’re now stuck with 4 sets of K-Mart cotton tube socks, stained BVDs with blown-out waist bands and a ripped, neon tank top emblazoned with the slogan, “Official Bikini Inspector” (This is standard issue gear to all Florida residents).

    ***

    Over $250: Rossignol R-Skin classic skis, $350 at Boulder Nordic Sport

    Rossignol R-Skins, FBD pick for $250+
    Rossignol R-Skins, FBD pick for $250+

    This is a good one, a REALLY good one. Why? First of all, because it’s a ski recommendation. And secondly because it starts with a story involving two of my favorite people in skiing, Tad Elliott and Zach Caldwell. Please, please, please watch this hilarious video as not only is it funny as hell, but it will also make this recommendation make a lot more sense (kinda). It’s also very informative.

    For those paying particularly close attention at the start, you’ll recall that Zach was dressing-down Tad for using fish scale skis on a warm day, but did he say anything about skis with skins? HA, a loop hole! While I agree with Zach in principle (so much so in fact that I just bought a new pair of klister skis (before I saw this video too, btw), I also completely see Tad’s perspective. And Tad’s a pro skier for heaven’s sake: the only activity that he has to worry about each day is skiing. If Tad doesn’t want to deal with kick waxing, well, that’s good enough for me. Add to this the fact that as Zach dutifully points out, climate change is upon us, so sadly the days of simply slapping on Extra Blue and going for a rip may be fewer and fewer, so even if you have the time, energy and know-how to kick wax, there are days when nailing the wax is not easy.

    In fact, just last week at the West Yellowstone Ski Festival, we had a few days early in the week in which very experienced coaches and athletes alike were tearing their hair out trying to pick the correct wax. How did I respond to this adversity? I’m no fool, so I gave up. Or did I? After watching many skiers struggle with their kick, I did an about-face and high tailed it to the demo tents, demanding, “The best pair of skin skis money can buy.” To get me out of their tent as quickly as possible before I had the chance to interact with regular people, the Rossi team teed me up with a pair of these bad boys. The verdict? While most everyone else out on classic was waving their arms around like they were being engulfed by a swarm of bees, I had kick like a mule (I own donkeys, so I know what I’m talking about here people).

    This raises the question, did I quit or was I merely smart enough to pick the right tool for the job? I’d say it’s the latter. Yes, you do need to know how to apply kick wax, whether it be hard wax or klister, but for the busy (or lazy) working professional who wants to be as efficient as possible on the “lunch ski” or any day with “tweener conditions,” these babies are the way to go. Available at Boulder Nordic Sport.

    ***

    If you’re wondering how the hell we got here, or you just love my beautifully crafted preamble so much that you revisit every day before heading off to face the challenges of the working world, the introduction and backstory can be found here. If unlike most of America, you actually spend you time at work, working, you may have missed some of the previous days and they can be found here: Day 1 | Day 2 

  • FasterSkier’s 12 Days of FBD Christmas: Day 1

    FasterSkier’s 12 Days of FBD Christmas: Day 1

    FasterSkier's 2016 Holiday Gift Guide: 12 Days of FBD Christmas

    Editor’s note: This year, we opted for a spin on the holiday gift guide. Rest assured, we tasked the right guy — our gear-review guru — with the job of compiling a 12-day list of gift ideas (in various price ranges) for all the nordies in your life. 

    ***

    I bet many of you have thought about, nay, fantasized about spending 12 consecutive days with FBD. For most, this would be a lifelong dream. For others, a nightmare, but I think we can all agree that those people are crazy. Yes, most of you would find this to be a life-changing experience: your skiing would ascend to the next level. Your style index would reach a point heretofore unseen. And your gear? Well, how big can you dream?

    Since I am a very, very busy man and I now have literally hundreds of thousands of adoring fans, while I would love to come to each of your homes to help you re-supply your gear closet, something tells me that this is not very feasible. Apparently, even Santa struggles with logistics of this scale.

    We’re going to do the next best thing though: the friendly folks here at FasterSkier have asked me to put together this year’s Holiday Gift Guide, but being the ever-vigilant, Type-A perfectionist that I am, I did them one better and expanded this feature to the “12 Days of FBD Christmas”. As the name implies, each day for 12 days, I will be offering up four different, awesome, holiday gift ideas. Unlike those other crappy gift guides out there however, not only is this one crafted (no pun intended) with love, but also integrity.

    Every single one of these products has been tested by, worn by, and is most likely still in active rotation in the FBD gear arsenal (except for the additional staff recommendations, noted with an *). As has always been, and always will be the case, I did not accept any financial compensation from any of the companies featured. The selection criteria for this list are simply that the products must kick ass, be durable, provide value and naturally, look good. That’s just how I roll.

    Finally, since this is a feature about gifts, let’s talk a bit about giving. You always hear that it is is better to give than to receive, which is true, but what if you’re smart to do both? Check and mate. I give to lots of different organizations, causes and individuals, but without a doubt, one of my favorite recipients is still me. After all, who deserves a sweet jacket more than me, right? But what about you? I bet almost every single one of you out there works their ass off in a difficult job, rushes around like mad to get in as much skiing as you can in the limited time that you have available, struggles to balance all sorts of obligations with work, family, friends, spouse, etc., and let’s be honest, it’s tough. There’s a reason why depression and social anxieties show a precipitous spike in the holiday season: holidays can be stressful. Skiing is hard enough without the added complexities of the holiday dynamic, so be sure to look after yourself as well as those around you, remember, this is supposed to be a joyous time, not a stress-filled, anxiety-ridden sh*t show.

    As for the preferred survival strategy during this season, there are a few commonly employed methodologies. For some, it’s drinking themselves into oblivion at every chance they get. For others, it’s a trip to their house of worship. In some cases, it is all of the above. For this guy, I subscribe to a little of the former and a lot of the latter, though is it important to note that I worship at the House of Gear (not to be confused with this place):

    The International House of Pancakes.
    The International House of Pancakes

    I’m not going to tell you how to live your life, but I am going to offer you some friendly advice from probably one of the world’s happiest and most well-adjusted heart throbs (I was the Teen Beat “Hunk of the Month” in 1997) take care of yourself, not just now, but year round. Eat right, sleep 8 – 10 hours per night, buy a dog (NOT a Great Dane), wash your hands before you eat and make DAMN sure your gear is on point.

    So if your wiener kids deliver some crappy tie or a cookbook under the tree, Menorah or Festivus Pole, fear not, pretend you have diarrhea from that nasty fruitcake that your weird relative sent you, sneak into the bathroom with your smart phone and order up something you really want, no deserve. Better do it now, too, before those little monsters of yours squander all of your hard-earned savings on something silly, like college. Now, with all of this in mind, let’s dive right in.

    Day 1: Clothing

    On the 12th day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…..clothing? Well, not much of a rhyme, but one helluva good idea.

    Under $30: Point6 socks, $20.95

    Point 6 Men's Lifestyle Crew Socks
    Point6 Active Life Lifestyle Light Crew Socks, FBD pick for under $30

    A real FBD favorite. Wool, so they are warm and highly odor-resistant, just the right thickness and this brand seems to last as long or longer than any we’ve tested thus far. At $20, you should ask Santa for a few pairs. Shop options at nordic retailers like Gear West.

    Bonus: FS Staff Picks* (*not FBD tested):

    ***

    $30 – $100: Smartwool baselayer top, $95

    Smartwool women's NTS Mid 250 Crew: FBD base layer pick for $30-100
    Smartwool women’s NTS Mid 250 Crew: FBD baselayer pick for $30-100

    If you haven’t already, you need to IMMEDIATELY go read my amazing review of a laundry detergent that allows you to wear undergarments several times between washings. In this review, you’ll notice that the preferred base layer of the entire test team was Smartwool. As noted above in the sock gift suggestion, wool is comfortable over a wide temperature range, even when wet. Furthermore, its ability to repel smell is the icing on the case, as noted in painstaking detail in this crazy, rambling review. Available at Gear West.

    ***

    $100 – $250: Craft Wind Briefs* and Baselayer combo ($64.99 + $89.99)

    (*also a staff favorite)

    Craft's Active WS Crewneck & Active Extreme 2.0 Boxer combo: FBD pick for $100-250
    Craft’s Active WS Crewneck baselayer & Active Extreme 2.0 Boxer combo: FBD pick for $100-250

    Ask anyone who been skiing for longer than a week and they have a horror story about venturing out on a cold day without a pair of these “down low” and their matching cousin “up top” — I don’t think we need to spell it out for you here — you might be able to fake it on the top, but don’t risk it down South, order a few pairs of the now. Right now. If you already have a pair, order more, as one simply can’t be too careful these days. Even you, lonely reader, might someday find someone willing to date your goofy nordic ass and you’re going to want all of the equipment “downstairs” working properly, or else you’ll never have a bunch of little ungrateful rug rats running around buying you ugly ties for Christmas instead of those cool new skate skis you’ve been drooling over for the last two years. Available at CraftSports.us and Boulder Nordic Sport.

    Skhoop Mini Down Skirt ($139)
    Skhoop Mini Down Skirt ($139)

    Staff pick*: Skhoop Insulated Skirts, $118+

    For women and fashion-forward men alike. The full-length version is great for standing around before or after skiing, and/or for street style. And you can wear the mini-skirt version skiing when it’s really cold.

    Perfect for cooldown, waxing skis in the parking lot, walking through blustery downtown Anchorage. Store locator

    ***

    Over $250: Patagonia Stretch Nano Storm Jacket, $449

    Patagonia Stretch Nano Storm Jacket: FBD pick for over $250
    Patagonia Women’s Stretch Nano Storm Jacket: FBD pick for over $250

    I was fortunate enough to be sent an advance release, test piece of this jacket this past summer and I immediately put it to good use on Eagle Glacier in Alaska in July. This garment takes one of our favorite jackets, the Nano Air, and transforms it into a more outerwear-specific coat, thanks to a superior wind and waterproof shell. As we prepared to leave Eagle Glacier, severe weather rolled in, so we had to shuttle down off the glacier behind snow machines in sleds normally used to haul supplies. This was as cold and sh*tty and it sounds and this coat was the only thing that kept me from freezing to death. Order one immediately.

    ***

    All right, all right, all right, we are off and running! Check back each weekday (those pesky World Cup races hog all of the airtime on weekends) for the next 11 days for the latest and greatest advice on how to improve your life. Stick with me on this journey and this will be the best holiday ever for both you and all of your loved ones.